'Garfield's a cool cat. He'd play the saxophone really well...'

P David Ebersole, 103mins, NC

Dappy clearly doesn't believe in keeping his powder dry: no sooner has "Intro" begun than he's off, attacking MPs, media and playa-haters in general in that vituperative monotone patter.

'I'm not even sure Kanye can play the drums, but I bet he'd pick it up'

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Someone call social services, quick: these four young fellows have clearly been locked away in a darkened room for months with nothing but the first few Pixies albums for company.

There’s an understandable perception that Evan Dando blew it.

1. Drinks: Tristam Shandy; Cider with Rosie; Whisky Galore; Bitter Sweet

My parents were... timid towards the world. They passed that on, very much.

For devotees at the singer's home, the circumstances of her death were a salutary lesson. By Rob Sharp and Katie Binns

The catcalls once again rained down on the misfiring Lionel Messi as he failed to find the target against Colombia.