Serves 4

A German artist who arranges found objects claims that he is merely an archivist, but the stuff doesn't just fall out this way

You have to have a big appetite for superlatives if you're to consume an entire MasterChef final.

Veteran crooner Engelbert Humperdinck, whose last top 10 hit was 42 years ago has been chosen as the UK entry for the Eurovision Song Contest.

Newcastle United 2 Wolverhampton Wanderers 2: Connor's reign starts with unlikely point after Jarvis and Doyle strikes strip victory from Newcastle

A raft of new products claims to take the shakes and pains out of making cocktails. John Walsh puts the potent pretenders through their paces.

Faction Theatre Company won this year's Peter Brook/Equity Ensemble Award, a gong founded by the visionary Blanche Marvin, in recognition of the fact that ensembles -- the best training ground these post-rep days perhaps for young actors -- would benefit generally from having their profiles raised.

A Woody Allen retrospective begins this month at the BFI and promises to be a treat for his fans. But he still regrets never a having made 'a great film', as a new documentary reveals.

A taste of Andalucía

Bonfire Night might make members of the House fidget in their seats, but the idea of blowing up Parliament brings a little anarchic glee into our lives. There's nothing like a sparkler to get you in the mood for, er, sparklers, and if you don't want to push the boat out too far for Guy Fawkes, Marks & Spencer's Sparkling Burgundy NV, £11.99, will give you a biscuity, weighty fizz at an affordable price. Add a dash of Sainsbury's quintessence of cassis-like Taste the Difference Blackcurrant Liqueur, £8.99, 20cl, either to that or your favourite cheap cava, and there you have your very own grown-up Kir Royale.

It's more than 30 years since I read 'Tess of the d'Urbervilles' by Thomas Hardy. Re-reading it now, what stayed? Tess herself, mainly. She sweats, she blushes, she bleeds. All that red and white. The white dress she wore in the May Dance, she singled out by a red ribbon; the blood from the horse, Prince, pooling on the ground and spattering her dress after she has accidentally killed it on her way to take the beehives to market; the strawberry – British Queen variety - that Alec d'Urberville foists on her with that telling line: "in a slight distress she parted her lips and took it in".