At four-down at half-time and faced with an uphill battle to get even, the blue side took the only approach they could see fit. Kick the blazes out of their opponents in black and white and hope to nick a few goals from a team clearly outclassing them.

The Brian Viner Interview: No, Vinnie Jones has not gone soft living in La La Land, but he helps newly-arrived Brits in Hollywood, wants to curb anti-social behaviour and has a plea for his old mate Gazza

Footballer-turned-actor Vinnie Jones was left nursing bruises after he came to blows with fellow British movie hardman Tamer Hassan when they met in a Hollywood hotel.

Tempers flared in the Celebrity Big Brother house after Lady Sovereign took a tin of corned beef from the contestants' meagre food rations.

The underlying theme for what Channel Four promise us will be their final Celebrity Big Brother had been supplied by Jean Paul Sartre – that famous suggestion from Huis Clos that "Hell is other people". Regular viewers of CBB's opening episodes will know that Sartre got it slightly wrong: for those desperate enough to enter this mausoleum of fame: "Hell is other people not having a clue who you are".

Vinnie Jones is said to have been offered one million dollars to join his former football rival Paul Gascoigne in the Celebrity Big Brother (CBB) house.

Picture the scene on Tuesday night at Oakwell, after a much-changed Manchester United side beat Barnsley 2-1 in the fourth round of the Carling Cup. Sir Alex Ferguson, mellowed by the result and perhaps a glass or two of good red wine, leans across the table in Mark Robins' office.

I don't have very high hopes for the Honesty Lab, an online research project set up by a group of academics in order to assist judges to gauge shifting public attitudes as to what counts as culpable (or punishable) dishonesty. The problem is apparently this – that some juries feel the black and white intransigence of the law isn't a good match for the murky shades of grey one encounters in life, and have a tendency to acquit in cases where they have a sneaky sympathy with what the perpetrator has done. I thought the whole point about juries was their perversity – that an assembly of one's peers would temper the inflexible severity of the law with a consensual understanding of morality. But apparently there's some anxiety that it's all been getting out of hand recently, so the Honesty Lab website sets out to take an audit of public attitudes to varying forms of dishonesty so that judges will be able to aim off in giving their directions.

Former football player turned actor Vinnie Jones was arrested and charged with assault following a bar room brawl, it was disclosed today.

Of all the glasses in all the bars, the hard man actor had to walk into this one. Now he's on bail in Sioux Falls and nursing his wounds

He's got the Roller, the jewellery and he admits that being a villain draws the women. But Dave Courtney - who inspired Vinnie Jones' character in `Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels' - also bears the scars of his life of crime

Cider really is the pits. The commercials of course, not the drink, I can't remember what it tastes like. But the commercials, historically designed to give the biggest grown-up balls possible to a drink associated with sub-teen trialists, have been famously idiotic and deeply Kerrang. The snake in the desert. All those arrows. (Though I have to say the Johnny Vaughan "I've just been to the lavatory" for Strongbow was rather good.)

I JUST don't get it. I know that part of the deal of appearing in print every day is that one licks a finger, holds it aloft to the breeze of change; that one skims the froth of daily news and attempts to establish a light, coherent pattern. Heaven knows, I do my best.

TARRAH! That, in case you are in any doubt, is the sound of a drum roll. Now close your eyes and imagine several fairy lights flashing on and off while a four-piece combo in electric-blue dinner jackets breaks into an enthusiastic if indifferent rendition of "Chariots of Fire". What can it all mean? I will tell you: it means a Major Moonlight Announcement! Steady. Deep breaths. Now look at that picture, the one, typically, right over there. Note the moon and the top hat. You are looking at the new Moonlight Badge, a very limited edition, a piece of poetry in enamel and metal, fancy shape, 17mm by 10mm, polished silver plated finish, complete with tietack and clutch attachment, artificed to the standards you would expect from the noble firm of Thomas Fattorini (est 1827), silversmiths, enamellers and medallists, in return for a quite substantial payment less a bit off for the plug and a mention of their e-mail address, sales@fattorini.co.uk.