On The Road: Gorging on sights and delights of the Falklands

The way to get around the settlements of the Falklands archipelago is the Falkland Islands Government Air Service shuttle. Britten-Norman Islander planes set out from the capital, Port Stanley, to many of the outer islands and farms. The planes have a strict weight limit of 20kg of luggage per passenger. The bags are weighed and, for load distribution purposes, you are weighed too. Fortunately this happens only on the outward journey. Hospitality is such on the island settlements that you are eating three full meals a day without realising it. Then there is Smoko, a stop mid-morning and mid-afternoon for a cuppa and a piece of cake (it comes from the Australian tradition of a cigarette break), and, in case you are feeling a bit peckish before the evening meal, you will more than likely be offered tea proper.

Several islands host cruise-ship calls, passengers dashing on to land for a few hours' wildlife watching. And they all expect cruise-ship tea. One evening I sailed from Carcass to West Point Island to see the Black-browed Albatross and Rockhopper Penguin colony. Before sailing back we stopped at a house for a cup of tea. The food was still out from a cruise ship visit earlier in the day: rows and rows of cups and saucers, kettles on the stove, racks of buns, biscuits and cakes. All are home-baked, so that is a lot of cooking – and a lot of waste if a ship has to cancel. Incidentally, if you want a heavenly sponge, use Upland Goose eggs (there is no restriction on collecting them), while Penguin eggs (now only collectible under licence) are perfect for meringues.

So the danger is that you will put on the famous, or infamous, Falklands stone. I am not looking forward to getting on the scales back home. Still, as Bonnie from the Customs and Excise Department said after yet another full dinner at the Lodge on Sea Lion Island, if you want to feel slimmer, just go down to the beach and stand as close as you dare to a three-ton elephant seal. You'll look lithe in comparison.

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