Seventh heaven: An idyllic hideaway in the Maldives

I'm sitting under a driftwood shelter, protected from the burning sun by a thatched roof made from bleached palm leaves, writing in my travel diary on a home-made table... what to do next? Tuck into a picnic from a series of ice-filled boxes: which turns out to be smoked fish, crab claws, rocket and salad, pitta bread, dips, healthy and gorgeously sinful creamy dressings. Think I'll start that bottle of rosé while I'm about it... and finish off with some slices of fresh pineapple and mango. Life's tough sometimes - so many decisions. What tracks to play on the iPod for a start. Being a novice, my hotel has helpfully lent me one already loaded up with hundreds of tracks. I've danced up and down the white sand to Elton's greatest hits. Then chilled out on a sun lounger with a couple of chapters of Ruth Rendell to Bach's unaccompanied cello suites.

The sheer luxury of being deposited on an uninhabited desert island is proving to be an unforgettable experience. No greeting parties, no other guests to gape at the roll of flab billowing over the top of my bikini bottoms. No one to tell me to stick a hat on, behave sensibly, not to drink at lunchtime. No other castaways to smirk at my dance technique. I could get very attached to this. A walk around the crescent-shaped atoll takes a tolerable 20 minutes - and it's white sand all the way. The middle of the island has a few bushes, no trees, and the very necessary shelter. The sun is beating down, and I reckon it's about 35C. Shoals of tiny fish swim right up to the water line in the calm shallows, which are protected by a reef about 200 yards off shore. A stingray, measuring about five feet across, swims lazily past me, in no hurry to get anywhere. That's the spirit! A few fluffy clouds scud across the brilliant blue sky, helped by the omnipresent stiff breeze.

This is definitely the way to forget the office, the laundry, work, everything. I'm in the Maldives, staying at Soneva Fushi, a resort so luxurious that I didn't think there was much else they could do to impress me. Then they brought me here for a day of blissful solitude.

Sliding into the azure sea is like swimming in a warm bath, surrounded by thousands of brightly coloured fish. I was deposited this morning by speedboat after a half-hour trip with a crew bearing water, picnic, towels and essentials. They left - leaving behind a phone for emergencies - and will pick me up at 4.30pm. The day passes in a haze of loafing, snoozing, snacking, quaffing. Collecting shells. Finding the odd flip-flop washed up. Staring at the horizon and listening to the breeze.

I imagine that this is the ultimate Maldives experience, and that is saying something. The whole chain of tropical island resorts is dedicated to providing holidaymakers with the ultimate in luxury, but no other resorts have the sheer style or chutzpah of Soneva Fushi and Soneva Gili. This is where Paul McCartney spent a holiday, for goodness' sake! And there really can't be anyone more demanding than an ex-Beatle.

The Soneva resorts are renowned for their privacy, their commitment to the environment, and their ecological policy. Their motto is "intelligent luxury". Where else would each room have a shopping list of herbal pillows (from "Snore Reduction" to "Buckwheat Miracle" to "Isotonic") designed to ease breathing, correct your posture and ensure a perfect night's sleep? You just call room service and they deliver your pillow of choice. I have never stayed in a resort where your welcome folder - printed on recycled paper - includes a detailed description, and photos, of all the flora and fauna on the island. And has a manifesto setting out the resort's environmental policy, from water recycling to waste management, to entreaties not to ask for fresh towels daily, not to switch on the air conditioning unnecessarily, and ordering you to take all plastic and batteries home with you. There's a resident biologist, an organic vegetable and herb garden supplying the restaurants, and a knowledgeable diving instructor.

I had flown to Male, the capital of the Maldives, from Colombo. While I waited for the short flight by seaplane to Soneva Fushi I was offered fruit punch and a neck and shoulder massage. Fabulous! Then a 10-seater water taxi soared over miles of turquoise water, past hundreds of small islets surrounded by coral reefs. Most were uninhabited. It looked almost like a lunar landscape. After 45 minutes we swooped down and docked at a floating platform moored offshore, where smiling staff in shorts and T-shirts ordered us to put our shoes in canvas bags and offered us more fruit cocktails.

Boarding a canopied boat, we approached the shore. Soneva Fushi occupies a whole private island. The villas blend so well into the jungle that they are not visible from the sea. The native trees were not disturbed during the building of the resort, and on landing we were told that the only way around on the white sandy tracks through the dense vegetation would be on foot or by bike. Electric carts deposited me and my bags at the most luxurious villa I've ever stayed in, right on the beach, screened from the neighbours by dense jungle.

In fact, the house was really three houses in one - with a swimming pool, and a shallow water garden at the rear, overlooked by the bathrooms, which were open to the elements. There were massive bean bags to lounge on and driftwood hanging areas. I kept expecting Daniel Craig to pop through the door in his blue swimming trunks. The master bedroom overlooked a private beach with sitting and lounging area. The middle house was reached by a boardwalk over the pool, and contained a sound system, dining area, sofas and shower rooms, as well as an outdoor terrace. Another boarded walkway led to a third pavilion, the tree house, which contained another bedroom, with an air-conditioned gym below. A final pavilion by the beach housed twin massage tables. The beach furniture was made from recycled timber.

I lay on my four-poster bed in a stupor. What to do first? After a swim in the warm sea, I sipped my complimentary bottle of champagne and nibbled popcorn. Later I managed to eat an excellent eight-course wine-tasting menu in the restaurant on the other side of the island. Then, the biggest surprise of the trip: my friend had arranged for the outdoor cinema to * * show The Wizard of Oz at a private screening. What a top treat. Is there any better way to enjoy a movie than lying on a comfy lounger under a starlight sky sipping even more champagne? Thank goodness our Girl Friday (each room is assigned one) came and collected me in an electric car; there was no way I could have managed to cycle back in the dark without hitting a tree.

The next day I breakfasted on the terrace on fresh fruit, home-made yoghurt and delicious pastries, before being collected for my desert island adventure. I've spent time filming on tropical islands in the Barrier Reef, and visited the remotest parts of the chain of islands off Papua New Guinea, but this was a far more comfortable, effortless and totally relaxing experience.

After being whisked back to the resort, I finish the day with a Thai massage in the spa. After donning loose-fitting cotton shorts and T-shirt, a businesslike young woman lays me out on a mattress and walks up and down my back. Soon I am screaming as every knotted muscle is pummelled into submission. Afterwards, I sip ginger tea and try to gather my composure. Then it is time for dinner in the restaurant overlooking the organic garden, reached by a rope bridge. The last time I'd negotiated one of these was after I was evicted from I'm a Celebrity in Queensland. At least Ant and Dec weren't going to be grilling me at the end of it this time.

All the ingredients are low fat and locally sourced. I eat a big portion of kingfish on greens with a delicious risotto, and follow it with home-made raisin ice cream, washed down with rosé. I decide to ignore environmental implications and sleep with the air conditioning on very low that night - it works a treat. No mozzies and eight hours of oblivion.

Refreshed, I walk along the beach to the outdoor cinema. By a long wooden jetty used to unload supplies I watch a heron about five foot tall gracefully take off as I approach. Time to fight the flab - shy little moorhens dart in and out of the bushes around our pool as I swim 30 laps very slowly. After breakfast I check out my personal gym - 10 minutes of fat-busting on the Nordic trainer is followed by weightlifting on a big blue ball, before sinking on to a lounger, exhausted.

Now it is time to sample the other resort owned by the Six Senses group, Soneva Gili, a 25-minute seaplane ride away. Once again it occupies an entire island, so that privacy is guaranteed, but this time all the houses are built over the water along a series of timber boardwalks radiating out from the central landmass. There are no rooms in Soneva Gili, only self-contained residences, with large dining and relaxation areas, roof terraces, sunbathing decks over the water and bedrooms with huge windows and spectacular views in all directions. Again, the showers are open air, reached by a boardwalk, as is most of the living accommodation, leaving just the bedroom air conditioned. All the colours are natural, the surfaces wood and pebble. The scale of my villa is opulent, with plenty of quirky touches such as board games, herbal teas, a well-stocked bar, as well as excellent own-brand after-sun lotion and anti-mozzie cream.

I worry that the soles of my feet will burn off as I stroll back along the jetty for lunch in the open-air brasserie, and then I notice that earthenware jars of water with wooden ladles are stationed every 10 yards so I can douse my scalding toes. Unlike Soneva Fushi, this resort is near to Male and the main island, and seems to be a stopping-off point for several very impressive private yachts. This resort lacks the jungly vegetation of the previous island, but has a wacky vibe, as if Mad Max had teamed up with Robinson Crusoe to make a driftwood village for the super-rich. I spend the afternoon applying factor 30 (purchased in the well-stocked shop) and trying not to get any redder - my shoulders are already several shades too close to my hair colour for comfort.

Like Soneva Fushi, this resort prides itself on its fine wines, and the sommelier invites boutique wine-makers from around the world to visit. I decide to duck out of the blinding heat and visit the extraordinary underground cellar, where you can book seats at the long table and enjoy a gourmet dinner. The floor is made of polished pebbles (a nightmare with bare feet, especially slightly burnt ones) and the walls are coated with polished Venetian plaster. Off the main cellar there are two separate rooms for storing the wide selection of cured meats, salamis and hams, and cheeses. The temperature is freezing, and guests are issued with fleeces until they adjust and are warmed by their wine intake. It seems like a futuristic film set from A Clockwork Orange crossed with 2001: A Space Odyssey, a parallel world at the heart of the resort. As the sun sets, I sip cocktails on a sand spit and listen to a local band, before dining at a table set right at the water's edge.

Walking everywhere on sand, my calves are starting to ache - it certainly is excellent exercise. The food is surprisingly good - with a team of chefs cooking at different set-ups. I choose pasta with chilli and garlic cooked to order to start (obviously not caring about that roll of flab I mentioned earlier), followed by stir-fried vegetables, and very fresh squid and butter fish (a bit like cod) to follow. The night ends watching a DVD of Crash and snoring in front of the telly. .

I wake up at 8am - the longest night's sleep in ages - to a dazzling light when I lift the blinds. A long blue fish with a pointy nose swims lazily under my sun deck. The sound of the waves from the offshore reef seems quieter - maybe the wind is in a different direction. Breakfast on my roof terrace is followed by a trip to the holistic spa, and I end up having an Ayurvedic treatment which involves oil being dribbled on the centre of my forehead for an hour, as my scalp is slowly massaged by Dr Avinash, the resident practitioner. I'm thoroughly chilled out, even if my hair looks like a packet of bacon. Drinking ginger tea in the chill-out zone afterwards, I can barely speak.

A boat trip takes me to the most luxurious house in the resort, a free-standing timber palace with two huge bedroom suites, a gym, a treatment and massage room, vast circular seating areas, acres of sun deck, a dining room and your very own butler. All very P Diddy. The whole place rests on timber stilts in the sea. An area of ocean has been hollowed out to make a deeper diving area, at the bottom of a metal water slide - what a fun palace. Why can't I win the lottery and spend a week here? It looks like something from a James Bond movie, and once again I have visions of Daniel Craig rising up out of the water at the end of my jetty...

I swim around my palace, sip champagne, nibble some olives, and then take a boat back to the island for lunch. The afternoon passes in no time, and soon I am tucking into dinner under the stars - crab and coconut chowder, grilled local fish with salad and rice, and fabulous crème brûlée. Afterward I try to resume watching Crash, but what with the champers, the food, and the Ayurvedic oil treatment, I am so relaxed that within 10 minutes I am snoring away. Good job James Bond didn't come to dinner.

TRAVELLER'S GUIDE

GETTING THERE

SriLankan Airlines (020-8538 2000; www.srilankan.aero) flies direct from Heathrow to Male four times a week, and has daily connections via Colombo. Qatar (0870 770 4215; www.qatarairways.com) flies via Doha and Emirates (0870 243 2222; www.emirates.com), via Dubai; charters such as Thomsonfly (0870 190 0737; www.thomsonfly.com) and First Choice Airways (0870 850 3999; www.firstchoice.co.uk) fly direct.

STAYING THERE

The Jungle Reserve at Soneva Fushi, Kunfunadhoo Island, sleeps up to six; rates from £2,811 per night, room only.

The Private Reserve at Soneva Gili, Lankanfushi Island, sleeps up to six adults and two children; rates from £8,415 per night, room only. Both are part of Six Senses Resorts and Spas (www.sixsenses.com). UK reservations can also be made through Glen Donovan at Earth (020-7793 9993; www.earthlondon.com).

MORE INFORMATION

Maldives Tourism: 00 960 332 3228; www.visitmaldives.com

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