BEAM ME DOWN

This week's random co-ordinates chosen by the computer are: 49 07' N 28 39' W

FIRST REACTION

It looks like everyone's preparing for an enormous party.

COUNTRY AND REGION

Welcome to central Ukraine, where tomorrow there will be celebrations for Ukraine Independence Day.

NATURE OF TERRAIN

Stretching south from Kiev is the Ukraine's black-earth region. The rich black soils ("chernozem") of this fertile plain constitute the country's most productive farmland.

NEAREST SETTLEMENT

You are hardly in the wilderness here. Voronovitsa is the nearest town, 10km to the south-east on a major road.

POSSIBLE HAZARDS

Very poor air quality. Industrial pollution is reputed to kill some 30,000 East Europeans annually.

USEFUL LANGUAGES

Ukrainian has been the official language since 1990, but with Russians making up 20 per cent of the ethnic mix, plus decades of Russification, Russian is equally useful.

TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER

President Leonid Kuchma.

LIKELY WEATHER CONDITIONS

Rainfall is at its highest at this time of year. The average summer temperature is around 20C.

REASONS FOR HANGING AROUND

The nearby town of Voronovitsa has an aviation and astronautics museum. Former resident Alexsander Fedorovich Mozhaski was Russia's version of the Wright Brothers; he received Russia's first patent on a flying device in 1881.

GETTING THE HELL OUT OF THERE

You are on, or very near, a major road. Follow this 120km to the north- east, to the capital city of Kiev, where there is an international airport.