BEAM ME DOWN, SCOTTY
This week's random co-ordinates chosen by the computer are: 56 6' N 88 52' E
Sunday 01 February 1998
This could only be Siberia...
COUNTRY AND REGION
Welcome to Western Siberia. You are in the Rossiyskaya, the largest constituent republic in Russia.
NATURE OF THE TERRAIN
You are on a rolling snow covered plain made up of a mixture of frozen marshes and rivers, pine trees and bad farmland.
About 500 metres
Aleksandrovskiy Shlyuzo, a small market town.
Apart from freezing to death, perhaps the worst thing that could happen would be to get involved in a vodka-drinking session with the locals, during which you drunkenly declare Boris Yeltsin to be the best thing since rye bread.
You will be treated with suspicion if you speak any language other than Russian; and also if you speak Russian with a Moscow accent.
TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER
President and snow-cat stunt specialist, Boris Nikolayevich Yeltsin.
LIKELY WEATHER CONDITIONS
Extreme continental conditions mean it's seriously cold (-20C), with snow, snow and yet more snow.
REASONS FOR HANGING AROUND
How about a spot of ice hockey on the village pond; practice your free style skating on the frozen river; and do lots of cross country skiing.
GETTING THE HELL OUT OF THERE
Skate down the River Kas and hang a right when you reach the River Yenisey. Some 400 miles later you should arrive at the Krasnoyarsk, an ugly industrial city and stopping place on the Trans-Siberian railway.
The Independent travel offers: Discover a world of inspiring destinations
- 1 The political parties aren't all the same – which means 2015 will be a 'big-choice' election
- 2 President of Argentina adopts Jewish godson to 'stop him turning into a werewolf'
- 3 ALS ice bucket challenge co-founder Corey Griffin drowns, aged 27
- 4 The 'Black Museum': After 150 years, public set to see exhibits from police’s grisly crime museum
Chic new hotels in 2015: From Britain's first football-themed property to a Facebook millionaire's debut desert resort
Top 10 travel destinations for 2015: From Haiti and Alaska to Namibia and Iceland
The 10 Best lightweight luggage
The 10 Best hiking boots
The Grand Budapest experience: Setting the scene in Görlitz
British actor Idris Elba cannot star as James Bond because he is black, says shock jock Rush Limbaugh
Germany anti-Islam protests: 17,000 march on Dresden against 'Islamification of the West'
Ukip member gets into Christmas spirit with Union Flag plea to Santa 'for our country back'
Immigrants make UK racist, says Ukip councillor Trevor Shonk
BBC director Danny Cohen: Rising UK antisemitism makes me feel more uncomfortable than ever
Katie Hopkins speaks out on childhood obesity: 'Parents of fat children should be prosecuted for child cruelty'
£25000 - £30000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: The fastest growing fitness cha...
£240 - £275 per day: Investigo: Support the global business through in-depth a...
Negotiable: Ashdown Group: Data Manager - MySQL, Shell Scripts, Java, VB Scrip...
£27000 - £32000 per annum: Ashdown Group: Application Support Analyst - near S...