Beam me down Scotty
Sunday 09 November 1997
70 41' N 102 16' E
Don't even bother. You'll be unconscious within minutes, and dead in an hour.
Country and Region
Bad luck, you have landed in the Krasnoyarskiy Kray region of northern Siberia, about 30 kilometres (19 miles) west of the Kotuy River.
Nature of the terrain
Snow and ice as far as the eye can see. Winter started a couple of months ago in these parts and you won't see any trace of the original tundra that temporarily peeps out in summer.
About 1,000 feet.
There's no "possible" about this one: death and instant rigor mortis through temperatures currently plunging towards -40C degrees (unless you happen to have arrived in your polar duck-feather duvet coat).
In all honesty, none. But if you really think you can talk your way out of this one, Russian and certain Ural-Altaic languages might come in handy.
Take me to your Leader
President Boris Yeltsin will never learn as much about this place as you will today.
Likely weather conditions
Keeps cropping up this one. But if you really want to know about the quality of Siberian snow, it'll be light and extremely fine, like blowing ashes.
Reasons for hanging around
Categorically none at this time of year, unless you have a keen interest in the impact of ice on the environment.
Getting the hell out of there
Basically you are going to have to walk the 120 kilometres north to Khatanga which is the nearest town of any description. It has an airstrip but don't expect any supply planes before next summer. Bear in mind that if the wind gets up you will be dead.
The Independent travel offers: Discover a world of inspiring destinations
- 1 Isis 'jihadi bride' claims forced sex with Yazidi girls is never rape because Koran condones it
- 2 New Zealand 'the best country to work as a prostitute', says sex worker advocacy group
- 3 Purity balls: Girls in the US making virginity pledges as fathers vow to 'protect purity'
- 4 Mother 'will allow son's circumcision in return for release from prison'
- 5 Female Muay Thai champion hustles coaches to give them a beating
As a white man, I'm surprised more women aren't tweeting the hashtag #KillAllWhiteMen
Scotland may have to leave the EU even if it votes to stay in, David Cameron confirms
Report finds that Britain's wages are the most unequal in Europe
The day that Britain resigned as a global power
Almost a third of school pupils believe 'Muslims are taking over our country', study claims
Gay marriage 'Bert and Ernie' cake bakery found guilty of discrimination in Northern Ireland
£24K + Excellent Benefits: Guru Careers: We are seeking an Events Coordinator ...
Salary 42,000: Royal Yachting Association Cymru Wales: The CEO is responsible ...
£35-40k (DOE) + Benefits: Guru Careers: We are seeking a Marketing Communicati...
£40000 - £50000 per annum: Ashdown Group: A growing business that has been ope...