BEAM ME DOWN, SCOTTY

This week's random co-ordinates chosen by the computer are: 44 05' N 112 38' W

FIRST REACTION

I'll jus' git me that there buffalo for my dinner. It seems to be a bit short of local diners around here...

COUNTRY AND REGION

This is Idaho, in the great American Mid-West.

NATURE OF THE TERRAIN

You have actually landed in the northern part of something called the Snake River Plain, an endlessly dull stretch of scrubby prairie and mud flats, though the foothills of the Beaverhead Mountains rise just a few kilometres to the north.

ALTITUDE

About 4,500 feet.

POSSIBLE HAZARDS

You are standing only about 20km from the edge of a so-called "US Atomic Energy Commission Reserve". That could be as scary as it sounds; I wouldn't step inside there if I were you, pardner. The other major hazard is the perishing cold wind which howls over the mountains and plains straight from central Canada.

USEFUL LANGUAGES

In some quarters it is known as English, although it might not be instantly recognisable as such.

TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER

Whether the kid from Arkansas has any influence on these rednecks is open to question.

LIKELY WEATHER CONDITIONS

Snow and a serious wind chill factor.

REASONS FOR HANGING AROUND

Only 100km away to the west are the bears, buffaloes, geysers and weird rock formations of Yellowstone National Park. Not that you'll see much of this in the middle of winter, of course. Heading in the opposite direction it's about 1,200km to the sybaritic delights of San Francisco.

GETTING THE HELL OUT OF THERE

Very fortunately for you, you have landed right on a road. You merely have to hitchhike westwards towards the small town of Dubois, where the main highway heads south to Idaho Falls. The traffic on the road won't be particularly heavy at this time of year - you'll have time to get familiar with the, er, scenery - but most people who might come along will be kind and give you a welcome lift in this far-flung wilderness. Including, one should be warned, any local serial killers who just happen to be passing by, who will seem just as kind as anyone else.

The Independent travel offers: Discover a world of inspiring destinations

News
peopleFrankie Boyle responds to referendum result in characteristically offensive style
Arts and Entertainment
Highs and lows of the cast's careers since 2004
News
news
New Articles
i100... with this review
PROMOTED VIDEO
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Travel
ebookHow to enjoy the perfect short break in 20 great cities
Independent Travel Videos
Independent Travel Videos
Simon Calder in Amsterdam
Independent Travel Videos
Simon Calder in Giverny
Independent Travel Videos
Simon Calder in St John's
Independent Travel Videos
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

ES Rentals

    iJobs Job Widget
    iJobs Travel

    IT Administrator - Graduate

    £18000 Per Annum: Clearwater People Solutions Ltd: ***EXCELLENT OPPORTUNITY FO...

    USA/Florida Travel Consultants £30-50k OTE Essex

    Basic of £18,000 + commission, realistic OTE of £30-£50k : Ocean Holidays: Le...

    Marketing Executive / Member Services Exec

    £20 - 26k + Benefits: Guru Careers: A Marketing Executive / Member Services Ex...

    Sales Account Manager

    £15,000 - £25,000: Recruitment Genius: A fantastic opportunity has arisen for ...

    Day In a Page

    Scottish referendum: The Yes vote was the love that dared speak its name, but it was not to be

    Despite the result, this is the end of the status quo

    Boyd Tonkin on the fall-out from the Scottish referendum
    Manolo Blahnik: The high priest of heels talks flats, Englishness, and why he loves Mary Beard

    Manolo Blahnik: Flats, Englishness, and Mary Beard

    The shoe designer who has been dubbed 'the patron saint of the stiletto'
    The Beatles biographer reveals exclusive original manuscripts of some of the best pop songs ever written

    Scrambled eggs and LSD

    Behind The Beatles' lyrics - thanks to Hunter Davis's original manuscript copies
    'Normcore' fashion: Blending in is the new standing out in latest catwalk non-trend

    'Normcore': Blending in is the new standing out

    Just when fashion was in grave danger of running out of trends, it only went and invented the non-trend. Rebecca Gonsalves investigates
    Dance’s new leading ladies fight back: How female vocalists are now writing their own hits

    New leading ladies of dance fight back

    How female vocalists are now writing their own hits
    Mystery of the Ground Zero wedding photo

    A shot in the dark

    Mystery of the wedding photo from Ground Zero
    His life, the universe and everything

    His life, the universe and everything

    New biography sheds light on comic genius of Douglas Adams
    Save us from small screen superheroes

    Save us from small screen superheroes

    Shows like Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D are little more than marketing tools
    Reach for the skies

    Reach for the skies

    From pools to football pitches, rooftop living is looking up
    These are the 12 best hotel spas in the UK

    12 best hotel spas in the UK

    Some hotels go all out on facilities; others stand out for the sheer quality of treatments
    These Iranian-controlled Shia militias used to specialise in killing American soldiers. Now they are fighting Isis, backed up by US airstrikes

    Widespread fear of Isis is producing strange bedfellows

    Iranian-controlled Shia militias that used to kill American soldiers are now fighting Isis, helped by US airstrikes
    Topshop goes part Athena poster, part last spring Prada

    Topshop goes part Athena poster, part last spring Prada

    Shoppers don't come to Topshop for the unique
    How to make a Lego masterpiece

    How to make a Lego masterpiece

    Toy breaks out of the nursery and heads for the gallery
    Meet the ‘Endies’ – city dwellers who are too poor to have fun

    Meet the ‘Endies’ – city dwellers who are too poor to have fun

    Urbanites are cursed with an acronym pointing to Employed but No Disposable Income or Savings
    Paisley’s decision to make peace with IRA enemies might remind the Arabs of Sadat

    Ian Paisley’s decision to make peace with his IRA enemies

    His Save Ulster from Sodomy campaign would surely have been supported by many a Sunni imam