If it wasn't for the Marlboro advert I'd think this was Mars.
COUNTRY AND REGION
You've landed on the Buckskin Mountains in western Arizona, just over 100 miles north-west of Phoenix.
NATURE OF THE TERRAIN
Rocky, mountainous, sandstone desert - and lots of it. About five miles away, the Bill Williams river offers some relief from the relentless heat.
About 3,000 feet.
The small town of Swansea is only a couple of miles away.
Sunburn and heat-stroke - if you make it out alive. This is an area where the hotness of the summer is measured according to the number of days that reach 110F. Rattlesnakes and other poisonous creatures abound, so be careful where you tread.
You and the locals speak almost the same lingo. Just over 100 years ago, a smattering of Spanish, Apache, or Navajo would have come in handy.
TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER
In case you didn't know, William Jefferson Clinton is the President of the United States of America.
LIKELY WEATHER CONDITIONS
Hot. I hope you've brought a hat, because it's over 100F. No chance of any rain.
REASONS FOR HANGING AROUND
Unfortunately most of the interesting sights in Arizona are over 100 miles away. The nearest is what used to be London Bridge, which now crosses the waters of the stagnant Colorado river at Lake Havasu City, about 40 miles away.
GETTING THE HELL OUT OF THERE
Follow the Bill Williams river upstream for about 20 miles until it crosses US Highway 60. If you manage to hitch a ride into Phoenix, 80 miles away, you can get a direct flight to the UK.Reuse content