If you're searching for a relaxing family holiday, look away now. Because this week I bring news of the latest in family cruises: a SpongeBob SquarePants Caribbean extravaganza, courtesy of Nickelodeon (001 845 358 1222; www.nick.com/minisites/familycruise).
Yes, the children's TV channel has teamed up with Royal Caribbean International for a seven-day adventure this summer, departing from Miami and taking in Mexico and Jamaica. Onboard attractions include Mr SquarePants himself and plenty of games involving green slime.
Not everyone's cuppa – but don't rule out the idea of a life on the ocean wave just yet. For something a little more sophisticated, you can charter your own family-friendly yacht on the Med. Book with Bareboat Sailing Holidays (020 8438 1133; www.bareboatsailingholidays.com) and you get a six-berth vessel and a skipper. No previous experience required: you get to learn the ropes as you take in the alluring Saronic islands of Greece.
And if that still doesn't float your boat, here's something that will. European Waterways (01784 482439; www.gobarging.com) has just introduced family barge charters in the Scottish Highlands and Burgundy. Visit the Great Glen or the ancient villages of the Nivernais with your tour guide-cum-children's entertainer, and you'll soon find your sea legs.
Who says you need square pants to have a good time?