Ryanair says it may charge passengers £1 each to spend a penny on planes. But we have discovered a safety card revealing that the plans of its chief executive, Michael O'Leary, do not stop there ...
1 In the event of a sudden loss of pressure, oxygen masks will descend. Please insert £1 coin to release the flow.
2 Adopt the crash position, with your head between your legs. There you will find details of our Compassion scheme, notifying next of kin of your love. Fees are payable by direct debit.
3 Emergency exits are located to the side and rear of the cabin. These are easily activated with a swipe of a credit card.
4 Evacuation chutes will inflate externally, for hire at a rate of £5 per person. Please pay before jumping.
5 At the bottom of the chute, crew will hold you in position until rescue boats arrive. Tickets £10 each.
6 Thank you for reading this. A dissemination fee will be deducted automatically from the account with which you booked your flight. Please fly Ryanair again. We know you have a choice.