How to annoy cabin crew

Former BA stewardess Yasmine Gibson lists her top 10 pet hates


ASK FOR AN UPGRADE

ASK FOR AN UPGRADE

The only people besides the check-in staff who have the authority to upgrade are senior crew members. They won't do it just because you ask, unless you happen to be the captain's spouse.

SNEAK INTO THE BUSINESS OR FIRST-CLASS CABINS

There are some people who just won't take no for an answer and when no one is looking, they see a spare seat and hope that they will not be noticed. But the crew have a passenger list which, as well as giving them passenger details, tells them exactly which seats should be occupied. Culprits will be spotted and hauled humiliatingly back into "cattle" class.

ASK FOR HELP WITH YOUR BAG

You carried it on board, you can hoist it into the overhead locker.

DISRUPT THE SAFETY DEMONSTRATION

Agreed: some people travel a lot and already know the safety demonstration by heart. If they want to ignore the briefing that is their decision. But they should just sit quietly reading, rather than talk, laugh or try to mimic the crew. Don't bother - you'll get a tongue-lashing from any cabin crew member worth their salt.

DISOBEY THE FASTEN SEATBELTS SIGNS

The captain illuminates the signs for a reason: either the weather is turbulent or the plane is still ascending or descending.

COMPLAIN ABOUT THE FOOD

The meals are usually catered by a completely different company so it isn't the cabin crew's fault if you don't like your chicken chasseur. There is also not much that can be done at 30,000ft in the air if they run out of beef. However, if you graciously explain you cannot eat/are allergic to the choice that is left, the cabin crew might be able to find you a spare meal from another cabin.

PILE LOT OF RUBBISH ON TOP OF YOUR MEAL TRAYS

It is difficult to fit them all back in to the trolley anyway.

DEMAND A DRINK JUST AFTER THE MEALS HAVE BEEN CLEARED AWAY

After serving countless meals to passengers and being on their feet for hours with no rest, the crew finally get a chance to eat something. This happens when they have cleared all the rubbish in from the passenger meal service. If you value your life, wait 15 minutes or so after this is done before you hit the call button. If you are desperate then go along to the galley; this is slightly less maddening, but still annoying.

ASK THEM TO CLEAN THE LAVATORIES

This doesn't really come under the job specification of cabin crew. On a full long-haul Boeing 747 flight there are only marginally less than 50 passengers per toilet. It is a horrible job.

PROD MEMBERS OF CABIN CREW

There is something about uniforms that makes people think the people in them are public property. Cabin crew hate going on the Tube in uniform as it is impossible to travel incognito - people always stare or start conversations by asking where they are off to. Something about air hostesses makes certain passengers think it is all right to grab a skirt or prod a shoulder to get attention. They would never do this with other uniformed staff, such as police officers, bus conductors or soldiers. It's irritating. Please stop it.

AND FIVE WAYS TO INGRATIATE YOURSELF

1 Before they arrive to collect your meal tray, arrange it as it was when it was given to you, minus the food. As you pass it back to the crew, smile and say: "I just wanted to make it easy for you."

2 Take off your headset when a member of crew is trying to talk to you. It saves time and shouting.

3 Empathise with them. Remember if they are short-haul crew this might be their fifth flight of the day.

4 OK, you can read their badges and know what the crew are called, but try to avoid using their first names - they don't know yours and it seems overfamiliar.

5 Buy lots of duty-free goods: the crew get commission.

News
One Direction's Zayn Malik gazes at a bouquet of flowers in the 'Night Changes' music video
people
News
people
News
'Free the Nipple' film screening after party with We Are The XX, New York, America - 04 Feb 2014
news
Arts and Entertainment
Russell Tovey, Myanna Buring and Julian Rhind Tutt star in Banished
tvReview: The latest episode was a smidgen less depressing... but it’s hardly a bonza beach party
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Travel
ebookHow to enjoy the perfect short break in 20 great cities
Independent Travel Videos
Independent Travel Videos
Simon Calder in Amsterdam
Independent Travel Videos
Simon Calder in Giverny
Independent Travel Videos
Simon Calder in St John's
Independent Travel Videos
  • Get to the point
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

ES Rentals

    iJobs Job Widget
    iJobs Travel

    SFL Group: Video Project Manager

    £24,000 pa, plus benefits: SFL Group: Looking for a hard-working and self-moti...

    Recruitment Genius: Hotel Reservations Assistant - French Speaking

    £16000 - £17000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This rapidly expanding travel c...

    Recruitment Genius: Duty Manager - World-Famous London Museum

    £24000 - £28000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: Do you have a strong record of ...

    Recruitment Genius: Personal Assistant

    £24000 - £28000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: You will have demonstrable unde...

    Day In a Page

    The saffron censorship that governs India: Why national pride and religious sentiment trump freedom of expression

    The saffron censorship that governs India

    Zareer Masani reveals why national pride and religious sentiment trump freedom of expression
    Prince Charles' 'black spider' letters to be published 'within weeks'

    Prince Charles' 'black spider' letters to be published 'within weeks'

    Supreme Court rules Dominic Grieve's ministerial veto was invalid
    Distressed Zayn Malik fans are cutting themselves - how did fandom get so dark?

    How did fandom get so dark?

    Grief over Zayn Malik's exit from One Direction seemed amusing until stories of mass 'cutting' emerged. Experts tell Gillian Orr the distress is real, and the girls need support
    The galaxy collisions that shed light on unseen parallel Universe

    The cosmic collisions that have shed light on unseen parallel Universe

    Dark matter study gives scientists insight into mystery of space
    The Swedes are adding a gender-neutral pronoun to their dictionary

    Swedes introduce gender-neutral pronoun

    Why, asks Simon Usborne, must English still struggle awkwardly with the likes of 's/he' and 'they'?
    Disney's mega money-making formula: 'Human' remakes of cartoon classics are part of a lucrative, long-term creative plan

    Disney's mega money-making formula

    'Human' remakes of cartoon classics are part of a lucrative, long-term creative plan
    Easter 2015: 14 best decorations

    14 best Easter decorations

    Get into the Easter spirit with our pick of accessories, ornaments and tableware
    Inside the Kansas greenhouses where Monsanto is 'playing God' with the future of the planet

    The future of GM

    The greenhouses where Monsanto 'plays God' with the future of the planet
    Britain's mild winters could be numbered: why global warming is leaving UK chillier

    Britain's mild winters could be numbered

    Gulf Stream is slowing down faster than ever, scientists say
    Government gives £250,000 to Independent appeal

    Government gives £250,000 to Independent appeal

    Donation brings total raised by Homeless Veterans campaign to at least £1.25m
    Oh dear, the most borrowed book at Bank of England library doesn't inspire confidence

    The most borrowed book at Bank of England library? Oh dear

    The book's fifth edition is used for Edexcel exams
    Cowslips vs honeysuckle: The hunt for the UK’s favourite wildflower

    Cowslips vs honeysuckle

    It's the hunt for UK’s favourite wildflower
    Child abuse scandal: Did a botched blackmail attempt by South African intelligence help Cyril Smith escape justice?

    Did a botched blackmail attempt help Cyril Smith escape justice?

    A fresh twist reveals the Liberal MP was targeted by the notorious South African intelligence agency Boss
    Tony Blair joins a strange and exclusive club of political leaders whose careers have been blighted by the Middle East

    Blair has joined a strange and exclusive club

    A new tomb has just gone up in the Middle East's graveyard of US and British political reputations, says Patrick Cockburn
    Election 2015: Meet the top 12 wacky candidates seeking your vote in May

    Election 2015

    Meet the top 12 wacky candidates seeking your vote in May