Travel: Burning issues

I SPOTTED a good safety notice on the back of the door in my room at the Hotel Regina in Roscoff, France: 'If fire breaks out in your room and you cannot control it: leave your room and shut the door. Follow the special signs and warm the reception desk . . . .' Presumably, only if the reception desk isn't already on fire.

Michael Schweitzer of Llantwit Major, South Glamorgan, says that a hotel in the French town of Laon had this fire instruction: 'In case of fire in your room, keep your temper, don't shout fire; warn the boots (or the chambermaid, or the direction of the hotel). If you hear the alarm to evacuate the hotel, leave quickly your room, shut the door, go downstairs (on the left, on the right) without losing your temper and get out of the hotel.' All clear?

IF YOU have a funny story or a hilariously disastrous travel experience to relate, the best that we use each week will win one of publisher John Murray's excellent Literary Companions (the series covers Paris, Venice, India, Egypt, Florence or London) - alternatively you can select The Independent Good Holiday Guide or my new Family France guide. Your tale should be brief - not more than 200 words - and can be about anything to do with travel. Please write to: Frank Barrett ('Wish you weren't here . . .?'), the Independent, 40 City Road, London EC1Y 2DB, and say which book you would like if you win. Mr Steer is this week's winner.