The River Mild: Take a calm cruise on the Thames

The humpback bridge was certainly standing a century-and-a-quarter ago, emerging then as now from the profusion of branches and reeds to leap across the Thames and connect Oxfordshire with Berkshire. The traffic today is about as light as it was when Sonning Bridge was described as, "The most fairy-like nook on the whole river" by Jerome K Jerome in his marvellous maritime tale of the Thames, Three Men in a Boat. In the 21st century, though, Two People in a Hotel Boat is the way to see England's longest river.

The hotel boat, named Baglady, was created by Sue and Roy Farman, after he decided to stop working as a contractor. They painstakingly created a vessel designed to waft just two guests on the most rewarding stretches of the 215-mile river in good old-fashioned home comfort.

Cruising is, as the industry never tires of bragging, the fastest-growing continent on Planet Travel. But while island-hopping around the Caribbean is all very well, I prefer my maritime experience to be more up close and personal. At this point, the average article about a new cruise ship launches into a sequence of statistics about the thousands of passengers and millions of crew serving up billions of bottles of champagne. This modest vessel, though, has a crew of just two, and the key measures are these: cruising speed – a brisk walking pace; number of pots of tea brewed in a day – half-a-dozen; degree of stress while afloat – zero.

If you agree with Jean-Paul Sartre that "hell is other people", then the Baglady is for you. Unlike the average cruise ship, it is more like your own private yacht, which you can direct more or less at will – so long as you remain within the constraints of the Thames between Folly Bridge in Oxford and Limehouse Basin in the Pool of London. "All the good things without having to drive," says Roy Farman.

Guests mainly choose to ply the serene, leafy stretches in Oxfordshire and Berkshire. The "entry-level" experience is a day out on the river. If, like me, you have neglected England from water level, this will give you a refreshing perspective on the country. Partly because of the unhurried pace of the boat, you feel as though time is slowing down in the most agreeable way. You may also discover a new-found interest in the wildlife of the Thames, especially the birds – is that an Egyptian goose or a great crested grebe?

A longer trip, though, is recommended to appreciate more fully the breadth and depth of the river and its history. The vessel has a floating library, but talking to Roy and Sue is equally rewarding – and they are likely to provide the inside gossip on the latest celebrity to acquire a riverside property.

They can also deliver the kind of indulgence that is so elusive with other forms of transport: a glass of wine on deck as the sun sinks into the meadows. Evening meals are taken ashore: "There are too many great restaurants and pubs on the Thames for us to compete," says Roy.

After dinner, you retire to a bedroom – sorry, cabin – that is remarkably Tardis-like in its dimensions. As the water gently laps the hull, you can splash out in a decent-sized bath.

The owner-operators stay on board. You are welcome to take to the helm, and help out at the locks that help to keep the Thames in such picturesque order.

The scenery is transfixing. So close to the M4 corridor, it seems implausible that such tranquility should prevail.

Because the customer is always right aboard Baglady, there is no such thing as an obligatory stop. But were there to be, it would surely be the River and Rowing Museum at Henley-on-Thames. Here you can learn about the history of the mother river, with its human history stretching back well before the Romans, and the big sporting events to which it plays host. Aboard Baglady, you learn to appreciate the flexibility and diversity of this valuable resource.

That name, though? It stems from the time Roy Farman bought a 22ft boat. "Quite a bird-puller," he joked to his children. "The only bird you'd pull with that is a baglady," was the response.

The Colombians have a name for this kind of travel: a casa navegante, literally a "navigable house". You can enjoy an Amazonian experience in similar style. But Baglady offers a great river journey without all the baggage. And, having tested both this year, I can confirm the tea is much better on the Thames than on the Amazon.

Baglady (07758 272 212; www.hotelboatbaglady.co.uk) A 'wine and roses' weekend is £253 per person. View Simon Calder's voyage at www.visitsoutheastengland.com.

For more information about trips on the Thames, see www.visitthames.co.uk

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