A maze of original suggestions

Creativity
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The Independent Online
Amazing ideas have found their way here from many directions for things to do with the concoction at Hampton Court.

"Practise conservation with the maze," suggests Nicholas E Gough. "Plant a new maze along all the routes of the old one so that an exact replica can grow before the old one wears out. Then have patience."

Andy Berry wants to plant a differently-coloured bush along the maze routes "to provide an instant solution to the maze when the old one wears out".

Don McNamara suggests letting Tony Blair, John Major and Paddy Ashdown loose in the maze, with the first to reach the centre becoming the next Prime Minister. Phyl Mitchell has exactly the same idea, but adds television coverage padded out with National Lottery extravaganzas.

"Use the maze as a prison as they do in Ireland," suggests RJ Pickles, though we prefer his other idea: "Use as a practical degree test for behavioural psychologists who must compete against a rat." Finally, he suggests losing Brent Spar and the Albert Memorial in it.

Des Waller goes to extraordinary lengths to create the week's worst pun: "The HCM could be used for the traditional sport of `cornienteering', where contestants have to find corn cobs thrown over a hedge. The greatest champion was the radio ham, Tony Foot, known as Ton, who managed to get the corn before it hit the ground. Ham Ton caught maize."

"It may be just coincidence," writes Maurice Hulks, "that the maze follows the exact lines taken by my wife round our local department store." He reckons that equipped with shelves it could be used to train shoppers. Customers would get to the checkouts only when their trolleys were full enough to operate sprung sections of the hedge.

FH Haddock wants it opened up for motor traffic: "When the middle is reached and traffic grinds to a halt, drivers will feel quite at home in the belief they are on the M25."

"Up-end it," advises C Douglas, "round its corners off, and bowl it down to Stonehenge where, laid flat again, it could act as a cordon sanitaire, allowing people to wander through and out again without risk to the stones."

"Similarly," he adds, "Stonehenge could be bowled up to Hampton Court, but that would just be silly."

More ideas: punishment course for convicted streakers (Geoffrey Langley); overgrown pinball using weather balloons (FG Robinson); leafy arbour for Wiltshire naturists (Ginger Fox); treatment centre for unfaithful MPs, left at the centre with the voices of wives and mistresses calling them in different directions (John and Fiona Earle); a place to deposit unwanted minotaurs, or road plan for new housing estates (Choonyibib).

James Kerr has the week's second worst pun: "Tell Grace to swallow it: a maze in Grace." Charlotte Graham wants it transplanted to her front garden to keep uninvited guests away from her supply of gin and tonic.

Tony Robson, however, has spotted its most likely use: "Hampton Court Maze has been taken to be a signal by the little green men in UFOs. Crop circles are their reply." Prizes to Maurice Hulks, RJ Pickles, C Douglas.

Next week, we shall report on golf courses, after which Creativity will be taking a short summer break. But don't miss next week's announcement of a new and thrillingly creative development.

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