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Angus Deayton with moon-dried tomatoes

Well, you have waited long enough for the answers to our grand Christmas Quiz, and here they are today. Hope you all did well!

1. Yes.

2. No.

3. Y-e-e-es, maybe.

4. Possibly, Lord Copper.

5. The odd man out is Michael Portillo. All the rest are politicians.

6. Old-fashioned instrument used for getting ostrich eggs out of ostriches.

7. a) HG Wells. b) GF Wells. c) FE Wells. d) Tunbridge Wells.

8. Beverley Minster is not, in fact, a girl's name.

9. It is a new TV programme aimed at bringing emergency help to people like Esther Rantzen.

10. They were built from a design based on Janet Street-Porter's teeth.

11. Clunes.

12. Clones.

13. Clunies.

14. Clowns.

15. Old-fashioned instrument designed to get large humbugs and pieces of liquorice out of small boys.

16. A film called Martini on the Bounty.

17. The odd man out is Jeffrey Archer. All the rest are writers.

18. The name given by supermarket workers to objects to which labels will never stick, no matter how adhesive.

19. The meaning of "widget" before it came to mean a device in beer cans.

20. The odd one out is McDonald's. All the rest are restaurants.

21. It is the name given by psychologists to man's inability to agree on which is the last year of the century.

22. The ancient motto of the Rampliffe family. In English it means "Worship the Lord and keep your receipts".

23. Prozac.

24. Anzac.

25. A German word, meaning "Zeitgeist".

26. A now discredited theory that the universe began with a big bang, a drum roll, a sudden hush and the appearance of God with scissors to cut the ribbon.

27. It is the name given by psychologists to our habit of cheerily waving to and greeting familiar people in the street, and only realising later that they weren't old friends - they were someone famous, such as Angus Deayton.

28. The three most often told so-called funny stories in Britain end as follows:-

a) "Nein, double u".

b) "My sister? Oh, she is still Queen."

c) "That's easy - Goethe wrote Faust and Joyce wrote Ulysses."

29. It is a word applied to things that seem to be eponyms, but aren't. In other words, words which suggest that things are named after people, though they really aren't, such as billboard, jackknife, martingale, etc.

30. A film called Matinee on the Bounty.

31. An old-fashioned device for removing false moustaches from inside violins.

32. Kind of Scottish rock cake known traditionally as the Auld Scone of Stone.

33. The only countries in which it is a crime to use a mobile phone in a train.

34. The name given by the police to the act of sending obscene faxes.

35. Arsenal, in 1949, in white shorts and red shirts. They were found two weeks later, apparently unharmed but totally dazed and unable to remember what had happened to them.

36. A slang term used by Martians to refer to one of their number who has lived for over 10 years on Earth without attracting suspicion or being fired by John Major.

37. Because when Emma Nicholson leaves the Tory party, it is called "defecting", but when Mr Portillo tries to leave Europe, it is called "safeguarding our sacred national unity".

38. It is a term given by supermarket workers to the informal supermarket trolleys races that are often held by supermarket workers after hours, when the shops are shut and the aisles are invitingly empty. (The trolleys often suffer damage in these races and hereafter only steer to the left or the right, though the general public never suspects the true cause of this commonly noticed defect. )

39. A term given by psychologists to the way in which famous people like Angus Deayton will ignore greetings offered to them in the street, and only realise five minutes later, with a shock, that that person offering a courteous "Hello" was actually Paul Merton.

40. A film called Monotony on the Bounty.

41. The odd man out is Brian Mawhinney. All the rest are doctors.

42. Freckles peculiar to a camel.

43. The form of Morse code used by deaf people.

44. The act of writing the life of Boswell.

45. An Irish health warning.

46. A secret sign used by dentists to recognise each other.

47. Moon-dried tomatoes.

48. A film called Botany on the Mountie.