Avoid roller-skates and carrots alal arr

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The Independent Online
IT WAS an exciting week for those of us who take a close interest in diet, fitness and general well-being: the carrot shock was followed by the thigh breakthrough, which itself was overtaken by the wine revelation. The carrot shock, though, it must be said, was a bit of a blow, coming as it did at a time when we were remembering digging it for victory; remembering when our night fighters, including the legendary Group Captain John "Cats Eyes" Cunningham, swore that its ophthalmic qualities were giving them the edge in the skies. And how had the nation's farmers sought to commemorate the carrot's finest hour? By coating its nutritious vitamin-giving skin with 25 times more insecticide than was good for us. It was hard, after dutifully chewing all those grated bits in all those healthy salads, not to feel a bit resentful. Still, there was good news for thighs. An Oxford professor announced he had invented a cream that could shrink them by transferring fat to other parts of the body. But, just as leanness beckoned, it emerged that the professor had been misunderstood and that one of the directors of the company marketing the cream had been a trapeze artist, which, as we know, is not a pedigree to inspire confidence.

So, on to Friday, and fresh evidence that wine will lengthen your life, spirits will shorten it and beer will have no effect. Oh, and water from the bottle is no better for you than that from the tap, according to a Which? survey. And nicotine, by the way, has been found to reduce the risk of senile dementia by 50 per cent. Meat? Dairy products? Sugar? Salt? Caffeine? Don't look here for advice. Instead, we will leave you with the case of Angier Biddle Duke, former ambassador, who, at the age of 79, was poised to inherit the Duke tobacco millions when he was knocked down and killed by a car last week while out roller-skating.

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