Captain Moonlight

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The Independent Online
ALL LAST week I was pestered by City analysts demanding to know if the family firm, Nevins Ltd, would be joining Sainsbury and Tesco in the titanic struggle to take over the big Scottish outfit, William Low. I had to explain time and again that as a small company based in the North-west we preferred to concentrate on our legendary friendliness - 'Come in, luv, and buy a lot of tea' - and keen pricing rather than waste our time posturing in the corporate marketplace. No sooner had that one died down than there were calls about the possibility of our supporting the Labour Party. Here I have some more concrete news. Rather overestimating the depth of Lancastrian interest in the Tour de France, we ordered quite a lot of Kronenbourg lager, one of the race sponsors. Said lager not having shifted quite as anticipated, we would be prepared to negotiate a small discount if Mr Blair would care to get in touch. On a related matter, I should also like to clear up this confusion regarding Mrs Blair's christian name. Cherie is not pronounced 'Cherry' as in the fruit; it is pronounced 'Sherree' as in Paris. Clear?

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