Captain Moonlight: A Squidgy to call their own

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The Independent Online
DIANA evidently isn't getting any peace now she's separated, with policemen making fools of themselves letting her park where she shouldn't, and news reporters pursuing her all over the slopes. Small wonder. A disturbing number of otherwise healthy single men have been confessing to me their secret beliefs that the Princess will come round to them now she's ditched the impediment. They have dreams, fantasies.

'On a hot day, a detective summons me out of the crowd, somehow she's noticed me,' confesses one. 'I'll be shown to the back of a huge Italian car with very powerful air-conditioning, she's wearing a swimsuit and she's all leggy and grateful. She says she's sick of all the hoorays. She takes me back to her place, and I'm given a portable phone with a decoder to ring her on. But she won't let me sleep with her before we're married. Quite right. Snogging, though, and we swan about in Le Caprice with George and Elton and bitch about Parker Bowles. I don't know what we'll do about the boys . . . they'll probably have to go to boarding school.'

Another feels he'd like the boys at home: 'She moves into the flat above mine with Wills and Harry, and I'm really nice to them and take them out and stuff. It would be best for us to live as a normal family after we're married.'

Even The Pet Shop Boys' latest album has a song about dreaming of Diana: 'The carriages arrived/We stood and said goodbye/Diana dried her eyes and looked surprised/For I was in the nude.'

A N Wilson, a famous Diana fan, has gone the other way: 'It was the idea of her as patience on a monument that I loved . . . The moment she separated from her husband I lost interest.' Often the way.

Charles Nevin is on holiday.