Captain Moonlight: Sticks and stones . . .

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The Independent Online
NICKNAME corner (all offerings gratefully received). First, Polly Toynbee, former Guardian journalist, now BBC social affairs editor. Ms Toynbee has not earned the universal enthusiasm of the BBC's general news reporters, a mean and jealous crew who whinge that they get sent out to do interviews for Ms Toynbee's reports and generally act as legpersons for little glory or recognition. Ms Toynbee, they exaggerate shamelessly, never goes out. This is why she is known to the envious and ungrateful within the BBC as The Eternal Flame.

Next, a John Redwood update. Mr Redwood, whose political parentage has been called into question since John Major's impromptu remarks about enemies within last summer, is Secretary of State for Wales. Others, struck by his intensity, lack of flamboyance and muted characteristics, have openly wondered whether he has closer links with the planet of the Vulcans. Virginia Bottomley is not a fan; and neither is Tristan Garel-Jones, lately minister at the Foreign Office with responsibility for European affairs. Mr Garel-Jones, mindful of this other-worldliness, calls him Just Visiting.

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