CAPTAIN'S compliments: Graham Greene, confused? Three biographies, serialisations, sales of letters and papers, revelation upon allegation. Need a little help to get by? Let me try to sum it all up for you in one semi-magisterial Moonlit sentence: Graham Greene, a writer with four nipples, a homosexual inclination, a tendency to borrow plots and an unhealthy interest in trunk murders, attempted to make love behind every altar in Italy with a woman not his wife during one period of a lifetime of travel in which he occasionally spied for any intelligence service you might care to name while always secretly accompanied by a teddy bear called Ted, a cuddly symbol of his sexual repression and confusion. Impressive extra fact to throw in as evidence of just how au fait you are with it all: the nanny of the children of the woman not his wife was called Twinkle. Captain's cultural trend note: Marlon Brando was cited last week as yet another example of excessively heterosexual activity prompted by worries about homosexual urges. I was wondering about Bill Clinton when I came across a picture of him meeting a 6ft 7in basketball player with the North Carolina University basketball team called Gwendolyn Gillingham. 'All my life I have been looking for a woman as tall as I am,' he said. So that explains it.