Tuesday 26 April 2011
Cooper Brown: Charged
The census guy that I got into an “altercation” with has now pressed charges and the police contacted me in London asking me to come down to the country to answer some questions.
I drove down with Victoria and dropped her off at her parents before heading for the police station. I knew where it was, as I’d had to go there after Victoria’s mom had been arrested when she assaulted a Jehovah’s Witness following one of her gin benders. I’d managed to do a little deal with the duty officer – he’d been particularly keen on one of the tithe cottages and he found himself able to move in on a vastly reduced rent. I presumed it would be the same guy and that this would be a mere formality.
Sadly for me, there was a new sheriff in town and this one was an A-star idiot. He was one of those cops who thinks it’s all about the book, no room for any discussions. I asked him what we could do to make things “go away” and he closed me down quicker than a Frenchman’s wallet.
After a long interview which was all very formal and boring he charged me with common assault and told me that I’d be up before a court as soon as was possible. I couldn’t believe it. I asked him whether he knew Victoria’s parents? He pretended to not have a clue who they were. I told him that there was a load of trouble headed his way if this carried on but he took offence at this and threatened to charge me with threatening a police officer. I then threatened to report him for threatening me. It was a Wiltshire stand-off and I was never going to win this one. Cooper Out. Twitter @icooperbrown
Green light for GM? First official report into genetically modified crops in five years recommends 'safe and sustainable' roll-out in Britain
The rise of Ukip: Study warns Labour that Eurosceptic party's electoral base now 'more working class than any of the main parties'
Keeley Hawes to star in Doctor Who alongside Peter Capaldi and Jenna Coleman
Government accused of deliberate attempt to cover up fraudulent, incompetent and embarrassing outsourcing contracts
BP taken off Gulf of Mexico blacklist after deal with US
Study highlights link between readily available fast food and obesity
Very Competitive: Austen Lloyd: Corporate / Commercial Solicitor - Buckinghams...
£20000 - £23000 per annum: Inspiring Interns: The world's leading mobile adver...
£40000 - £60000 per annum + Highly Competitive Salary: Austen Lloyd: Construct...
£35000 - £45000 per annum: Charter Selection: Charter Selection are currently ...