Cooper Brown: Laurence Llewellyn Bowen

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The Independent Online

The Celebrity Rally thing is really looking good. It’s going to get a lot of press and we’re getting some big names signed up now.

I used some US connections and we’ve got Brooke Hogan (daughter of WWF legend Hulk Hogan) to say yes as well as one of the Kardashians (I’m not sure which one – definitely not the sex-tape one, nor the short one married to American Psycho, I think it’s the ugly one married to the seven-foot man).

From the UK, Ben originally had two people from the band Blue (it’s now only one though because one of them was caught pissing into a cashpoint last week) and he is in rather confused negotiations with Gillian McKeith who is some old chick who ate from her own pants in the jungle or something. I was really gunning for some hot-chick co-driver action but Mulligan still thinks that he is doing it with me. Normally, a road trip with Mulligan would be a scream and I’d jump at the chance but he has never been abroad and I think that he might be slightly out of his comfort zone surrounded by celebrities and Spaniards. We were out in Tetbury once when Laurence Llewellyn Bowen came into the same store as us. LLB is an interior designer and quite the man about town but Mulligan couldn’t handle it at all.

He was totally star-struck but seemed to be convinced that LLB was a homosexual because of the effeminate nature of his clothing. It was painful to watch as he slavered all over him with a visible sense of self-loathing. He ended up taking something LLB said about his shoes the wrong way and asked him outside for a fight. I’m going to have to play this cleverly. Cooper Out.

Twitter- @icooperbrown