Dom Joly: Make your own luck – corner the market in mascots for 2012

Basically, we just get that company to make a couple of weird costumes and then we can flip itround and say that they are whatever you want them to be

Share
Related Topics

I've just managed to get hold of the minutes of the meeting in which the concept for the mascots for the London Olympics was discussed. What's interesting is that a lot of people feel that mascots are silly, pointless and just there to sell merchandising. This is very much not the case.

Creative One: "So thanks for coming everybody – anyone have any problems parking their scooters?"

There is a general, incomprehensible mumble.

Creative One: "Right, let's get down to business. We've got to make this quick as I know a lot of you are really busy working on the Make Andy Murray Human account, so let's crack on."

Creative Two: "Me and some of the guys were thinking about it while we were playing Baby-Foot. It's got to be London-themed, right? How about a pigeon? A huge pigeon and it could fly over the opening ceremony and, instead of pooing on everybody, sweets would fall out of it?"

Creative One: "I like that, that's really thinking out of the box and that's what we're all about. Problemo is that I don't think the other countries will get it. A pigeon is just a bit ... shit, really. Anyone else?"

Creative Three: "We were at a Go Karting team-building session yesterday in the East End. It got me thinking. How about some sort of modern spin on the pearly kings? We could maybe have them flying about on jet packs?"

Creative One: "That's brilliant as well, but didn't they do jet packs at the LA Olympics? It's going to look really last week. Off the subj – but do they actually exist, those things? I would love to have one – how cool would that be, landing on the Shoreditch Soho House terrace? Sorry... anyone else?"

Creative Four: "It's nearly always a kind of animal, right? It's got to be something that kids like and is British? How about a fox and a badger?"

Creative One: "The problem with foxes is that they're basically quite evil – chicken serial killers – and we can't have that sort of image for the Olympics. Also the Tories are back in, remember, so we don't want our mascot being hunted and torn apart by hounds every weekend, do we?"

Creative Four: "Fair point. What about the badger then?"

Creative One: "I'm a bit weird about badgers. What do they actually do? You never see one and there's something a bit ... creepy about them. I can't put my finger on it but I wouldn't leave my kids with them."

A door opens and someone pops their head round the door.

The Someone: "Guys, sorry to bother you but just to remind you that the cars for the paintball day are leaving in 10 so you need to be out and ready by then."

Creative One: "I totally forgot about that, should be ace. Right, that's good, we've got a five-minute deadline, guys – this is what we're paid the silly money for..."

Creative Five: "Why don't we go leftfield and just make something up? Something that sort of looks like it's zeitgeisty but nobody can really work out what it is. We let everyone else project their views on to it ..."

Creative One: "I like that, kind of like a Banksy Manga vibe?"

Creative Five: "Yeah exactly ... well, more like these things called Go-Gos that my kids like. We just put them up online and everyone can mess about with them and do their own designs."

Creative One: "You mean pretend it's all an interactive thing but we just nick the best ideas?"

Creative Two: "That sounds amazing. Basically, we just get that company to make a couple of weird costumes and then we can flip it round and say that they are whatever you want them to be..."

Creative One: "I like it. Get two of those made for next week, one for the Olympics and one for the Olympics that nobody watches ... in blue and green ... no, silver. Right, good job guys – now, all we need are names."

Creative Three: "How about Nick and Dave?"

Creative One: "That would get press but it would look silly when they're not in power. I was thinking we should go more weird, something like ... Shagwa and Porlky – I'm just riffing here."

Creative Four: "That sounds like Jaguar and Porky."

Creative One: "Yeah scrap that. Anyone?"

Creative Six: "How about Wenlock and Mandeville?"

Creative One: "That's great ... but what are they?"

Creative Six: "I just mashed up some Harry Potter."

Creative One: "We're not going to get any better – everyone cool with that? Let's go paintball...."



* Loved that picture of Rooney with a big bushy beard. For a moment I thought he'd gone all David Icke, but it turned out to be for an ad showing what would happen to him if he didn't produce the goods in South Africa.

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Employment Solicitor

Highly Competitive Salary: Austen Lloyd: MANCHESTER - Senior Employment Solici...

Senior Risk Manager - Banking - London - £650

£600 - £650 per day: Orgtel: Conduct Risk Liaison Manager - Banking - London -...

Commercial Litigation Associate

Highly Attractive Package: Austen Lloyd: CITY - COMMERCIAL LITIGATION - GLOBAL...

Systems Manager - Dynamics AX

£65000 - £75000 per annum + Benefits: Progressive Recruitment: The client is a...

Day In a Page

Read Next
 

Opponents of Israel's military operation in Gaza are the real enemies of Middle Eastern peace

Gabriel Sassoon
The economy expanded by 0.8 per cent in the second quarter of 2014  

Government hails latest GDP figures, but there is still room for scepticism over this 'glorious recovery'

Ben Chu
Evan Davis: The BBC’s wolf in sheep’s clothing to take over at Newsnight

The BBC’s wolf in sheep’s clothing

What will Evan Davis be like on Newsnight?
Finding the names for America’s shame: What happens to the immigrants crossing the US-Mexico border without documents who never make it past the Arizona desert?

Finding the names for America’s shame

The immigrants crossing the US-Mexico border without documents who never make it past the Arizona desert
Inside a church for Born Again Christians: Speaking to God in a Manchester multiplex

Inside a church for Born Again Christians

As Britain's Anglican church struggles to establish its modern identity, one branch of Christianity is booming
Rihanna, Kim Kardashian and me: How Olivier Rousteing is revitalising the house of Balmain

Olivier Rousteing is revitalising the house of Balmain

Parisian couturier Pierre Balmain made his name dressing the mid-century jet set. Today, Olivier Rousteing – heir to the house Pierre built – is celebrating their 21st-century equivalents. The result? Nothing short of Balmania
Cancer, cardiac arrest, HIV and homelessness - and he's only 39

Incredible survival story of David Tovey

Tovey went from cooking for the Queen to rifling through bins for his supper. His is a startling story of endurance against the odds – and of a social safety net failing at every turn
Backhanders, bribery and abuses of power have soared in China as economy surges

Bribery and abuses of power soar in China

The bribery is fuelled by the surge in China's economy but the rules of corruption are subtle and unspoken, finds Evan Osnos, as he learns the dark arts from a master
Commonwealth Games 2014: Highland terriers stole the show at the opening ceremony

Highland terriers steal the show at opening ceremony

Gillian Orr explores why a dog loved by film stars and presidents is finally having its day
German art world rocked as artists use renowned fat sculpture to distil schnapps

Brewing the fat from artwork angers widow of sculptor

Part of Joseph Beuys' 1982 sculpture 'Fettecke' used to distil schnapps
BBC's The Secret History of Our Streets reveals a fascinating window into Britain's past

BBC takes viewers back down memory lane

The Secret History of Our Streets, which returns with three films looking at Scottish streets, is the inverse of Benefits Street - delivering warmth instead of cynicism
Joe, film review: Nicolas Cage delivers an astonishing performance in low budget drama

Nicolas Cage shines in low-budget drama Joe

Cage plays an ex-con in David Gordon Green's independent drama, which has been adapted from a novel by Larry Brown
How to make your own gourmet ice lollies, granitas, slushy cocktails and frozen yoghurt

Make your own ice lollies and frozen yoghurt

Think outside the cool box for this summer's tempting frozen treats
Ford Fiesta is UK's most popular car of all-time, with sales topping 4.1 million since 1976

Fiesta is UK's most popular car of all-time

Sales have topped 4.1 million since 1976. To celebrate this milestone, four Independent writers recall their Fiestas with pride
10 best reed diffusers

Heaven scent: 10 best reed diffusers

Keep your rooms smelling summery and fresh with one of these subtle but distinctive home fragrances that’ll last you months
Commonwealth Games 2014: Female boxers set to compete for first time

Female boxers set to compete at Commonwealth Games for first time

There’s no favourites and with no headguards anything could happen
Five things we’ve learned so far about Manchester United under Louis van Gaal

Five things we’ve learned so far about United under Van Gaal

It’s impossible to avoid the impression that the Dutch manager is playing to the gallery a little