Dom Joly: My latest invention – sausage television

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The Independent Online

How we have managed to get anything in the proverbial "can" in the past two months is beyond me. Every time we set off to film somewhere, we turn on the radio only to be faced with a deluge of flash-flood alerts. Last week we finally managed to do some filming indoors, in a shopping centre, on just about the only sunny day of the year.

So we've decided to target some Brits abroad. We're off to Spain, where else? The only other time I've been to Spain for "work" was a very curious affair. It was just before the 1998 World Cup and somehow the director Sam Cadman and I had blagged a tidy sum from an advertising company for doing some guerrilla marketing for Pepperami. This was before Trigger Happy TV and the money was manna from heaven. The only problem was, what to do?

We read in the papers that the England team were being taken to a resort called La Manga in Spain by the manager, Glen Hoddle, for a couple of days R&R before heading to France and the tournament. The germ of an idea sprung into my head, and we were soon on a plane bound for Alicante. We then rented a car and drove to La Manga. We'd timed it well. We found out that there was going to be a press conference that afternoon on the hotel terrace with Hoddle and the FA's David Davies.

We got there early and grabbed a seat in the front row, much to the consternation of the regular sports journos, whose meticulously planned hierarchy we'd upset. Then I pulled out my trump card – a microphone with an enormous box surrounding it with the words Pepperami TV emblazoned on it. I placed it on the table alongside the normal ones – nobody seemed to notice.

Our hearts skipped a beat however when, just before Hoddle and Davies appeared, an official came out and pointed at it with a puzzled look. I put on a cod Spanish accent and said: "Senor, eees for local TV station." The official shrugged and walked away – we breathed again.

Then out they came and the press conference (which got loads of coverage because Hoddle announced that Gazza would not be going to the World Cup) was beamed live to the world with the huge Pepperami box in prime place. I even managed a question – "The gentleman from Pepperami TV …" said David Davies. I can't remember what I asked, something about Gazza eating a dodgy kebab and being better off sticking to Pepperami.

The press conference over, we bolted and hid in our rooms. The following morning we drove back to Alicante with the excited cheers of the advertising company ringing in our ears. To our surprise, Alicante was rather lovely and we had a hedonistic night of overblown celebration before flying home the next day. Later, we heard that the advertising company had won awards for "campaign of the year", but needless to say we were never mentioned – the first of many art-meets-commerce shaftings.

I doubt this latest trip will be as exciting as those first heady steps into this most curious of careers – still, at least it will be sunny.