- Saturday 25 May 2013
- My Account
- Logout
- Register
- Login
- News
-
Voices
-
Find by writer
- Yasmin Alibhai-Brown
- Rebecca Armstrong
- Memphis Barker
- Terence Blacker
- Chris Blackhurst
- David Blanchflower
- Archie Bland
- Ian Burrell
- Andrew Buncombe
- Ben Chu
- Patrick Cockburn
- Laura Davis
- Mary Dejevsky
- Grace Dent
- Robert Fisk
- Andrew Grice
- Stefano Hatfield
- Philip Hensher
- Ian Herbert
- Howard Jacobson
- Ellen E Jones
- Alice Jones
- Owen Jones
- Simon Kelner
- Dominic Lawson
- Donald Macintyre
- Lisa Markwell
- Comment
- Campaigns
- Debate
- Editorials
- Letters
- IV Drip
- Archive
- Our Voices
- Commentators
- Columnists
- Democracy 2015
- IV Drip Archive
-
Find by writer
- Sport
- Tech
- Life
- Property
- Arts & Ents
- Travel
- Money
- IndyBest
- Blogs
- Student
I'm just getting ready to start annoying the people of Britain with my new TV show, Fool Britannia. We start filming in a couple of weeks, so preparation is well under way. Things have changed since I last dipped my toe into the world of hidden camera. We used to just wander into work in the morning, have a "bit of a think" and then decide what we were going to film. Maybe I would spot a milkman and mutter, "Oh, we haven't done anything with a milkman character." So we'd then drive up to a costume house, such as Angels, and root around for a milkman costume. Once we'd got this it would be nearly time for lunch – so we'd find somewhere for a nice, two-hour Continental-style break. And, hopefully, over the meal we would have come up with an idea for what to do with the milkman.
We'd then hop back into our Toyota Previa and grumble that we all felt like a nap. Being professionals we would resist the urge and drive around trying to find a location. When we found a suitable place I would hop out, dressed as the milkman, and wait for the cameras to get into place and tell me they were ready (usually done by turning on the indicators).
By this stage, whoever we'd selected as a target would invariably have moved on or gone inside. So we would have to start the whole thing again. This we would do for a couple of hours until it got too dark to film. We would always end up filming in winter, which meant that everything would have to stop at 4.30 in the afternoon.
That was then. I now have a crack team helping to prepare the show and things are a little different. For starters, we are filming over the summer, which makes life a lot more pleasant. We are also thinking of most of the ideas before we even start filming. Once these have mostly been agreed, I decide on the "look" of the character – what wig, nose, clothes, eye colour will he have? This done, we look at locations and try to set them up well in advance.
Having filmed extensively all over the country, I now have a little list of towns and areas that I will not film in. I truly believe that I suffer from a rare form of aesthetic depression and this is triggered whenever I visit places on my "black list". I don't wish to aggravate any situations further by naming any of them, but regular readers will be well aware of what most of them are.
Sometimes my production team are unaware of my list and approach a particular council asking for permission to film in an area. One south- western seaside resort received such a request and were quick to respond. They wrote to say that, although I'd be welcome to film in the town, they were surprised that I'd want to. They then quoted from an article I'd written in this paper describing their town (quite accurately) as one of the "windswept, penny-arcade, piss-stinking destinations of the desperate". I was also informed that the citizens of said town had burnt an effigy of me.
After a quick production meeting we decided that it would probably be for the best if we filmed somewhere else.
I'm trying to organise as many as possible of the locations to be within an hour of my house in the Cotswolds, so that I can occasionally return home and remind my family of my existence. I need to be careful, however, not to tread on my neighbours' toes. I have a strict rule about filming too near home as you run the risk of annoying somebody who then bumps into you in a local pub.
It's not easy, this comedy lark.
-
This week's big questions: How best to react to Woolwich? Has Miliband got what it takes? And is Stephen King right about ebooks?
Ian Rankin -
What, let gays get married? We must be bonkers
Mark Steel -
The Daily Cartoon
-
The dark side of Dubai
-
Woolwich attack: The EDL will seek to exploit this evil crime for their own evil ends
Jamie Lewis
Get your summer started with British Military Fitness
BMF is the UK’s biggest and best loved outdoor fitness classes
Visit York
Find out what The Independent's resident travel expert has to say about one of the most beautiful small cities in the world
Making reading fun for kids
Nook is donating eReaders to volunteers at high-need schools and participating in exclusive events throughout the campaign.
Introducing the 'Get Reading' campaign
Get the latest on The Evening Standard's campaign to get London's children reading.
Enter the latest Independent competitions
Win anything from gadgets to five-star holidays on our competitions and offers page.
Business videos from commercial thought leaders
Watch the best in the business world give their insights into the world of business.
Dom Joly
Related Articles
Get the best in opinion from Independent Voices, straight to your inbox every Thursday lunchtime.
Subscribe
Amol Rajan
A weekly update from the Editor
Day In a Page
Johnny Marr talks relationships and reunions
In pictures: After the flood
Death becomes her: A very modern mortician
School of chop: Learning the art of butchery
The man who's eaten everywhere
A Berliner in 1963 – but did John F Kennedy once admire Adolf Hitler?