Dylan Jones: I have been having a lot of acupuncture

If you ask me: 'I'm used to lying in small dark rooms as men and women work their magic'

Share
Related Topics

If you ask me, the music you hear in spas is massively underrated. Honestly, it's not the drugs talking here; I mean it. And anyway, I'm not on medication right now, not seriously.

Having had back problems for the past five years or so – and if you've never had back pain you will have already turned the page – I am used to lying in small, darkened rooms as various men and women work their magic. Or not, as the case may be. Recently I have been having a lot of acupuncture – Zen, in Notting Hill, seeing as you didn't ask – and as it seems to be working, I keep going back. A lot. And every time I visit they play the same tape, the same ethereal loop of pan pipes, slowed-down drums, angular guitar and plinky-plonky strings. It's one of those pieces of music that sums up the word "tranquil", and as such I can't fault it. If you could drink it, it would taste of green tea, and if you could wash your face with it, it would smell of jasmine. I imagine when these things are commissioned, the person writing the cheque says they need something that evokes Polynesian waterfalls, Maldivian sunrises or Santa Fe sunsets, and I have to say the people they employ to do these things have no problem interpreting them.

Even though I'm a fan and aficionado of "loungecore", easy-listening and supperclub crooners, it's never been suggested that I investigate "new age" music as it's always supposed to be rubbish. In fact I once heard it described to me as the sort of music you listen to as you're having acupuncture. Which, I have to say, is why I like it. But although it evokes a certain spirituality, a way of feeling good about yourself while distancing yourself from others, in essence this is really travel music, which is where you should find it on iTunes or in HMV.

Anyway, if I'm honest I already own perhaps the most new-age CD of them all. Nineteen years ago I visited Carmel in California, where Clint Eastwood used to be mayor. In one of the many new-age trinket shops in which I bought ergonomic table lamps and deleted recordings of Jack Kerouac reciting dreadful poetry, I bought one of my most treasured CDs, a recording of the Pacific Ocean crashing against the northern Californian coastline.

It is, like, totally rad. And it sounds great as someone's making mincemeat of your back.

Dylan Jones is the editor of 'GQ'

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Law Costs

Highly Attractive Salary: Austen Lloyd: BRISTOL - This is a very unusual law c...

Junior VB.NET Application Developer (ASP.NET, SQL, Graduate)

£28000 - £30000 per annum + Benefits + Bonus: Harrington Starr: Junior VB.NET ...

C# .NET Web Developer (ASP.NET, JavaScript, jQuery, XML, XLST)

£40000 - £50000 per annum + Benefits + Bonus: Harrington Starr: C# .NET Web De...

Clinical Negligence Solicitor

Highly Competitive Salary: Austen Lloyd: HAMPSHIRE MARKET TOWN - A highly attr...

Day In a Page

Read Next
 

The power of anonymity lies in the freedom it grants

Boyd Tonkin
Rebel fighters walk in front of damaged buildings in Karam al-Jabal neighbourhood of Aleppo on August 26, 2014.  

The Isis threat must be confronted with clarity and determination

Ed Miliband
Doctor Who Into the Dalek review: A classic sci-fi adventure with all the spectacle of a blockbuster

A fresh take on an old foe

Doctor Who Into the Dalek more than compensated for last week's nonsensical offering
Ukraine crisis: The phoney war is over as Russian troops and armour pour across the border

The phoney war is over

Russian troops and armour pour into Ukraine
Potatoes could be off the menu as crop pests threaten UK

Potatoes could be off the menu as crop pests threaten UK

The world’s entire food system is under attack - and Britain is most at risk, according to a new study
Gangnam smile: why the Chinese are flocking to South Korea to buy a new face

Gangnam smile: why the Chinese are flocking to South Korea to buy a new face

Seoul's plastic surgery industry is booming thanks to the popularity of the K-Pop look
From Mozart to Orson Welles: Creative geniuses who peaked too soon

Creative geniuses who peaked too soon

After the death of Sandy Wilson, 90, who wrote his only hit musical in his twenties, John Walsh wonders what it's like to peak too soon and go on to live a life more ordinary
Caught in the crossfire of a cyber Cold War

Caught in the crossfire of a cyber Cold War

Fears are mounting that Vladimir Putin has instructed hackers to target banks like JP Morgan
Salomé's feminine wiles have inspired writers, painters and musicians for 2,000 years

Salomé: A head for seduction

Salomé's feminine wiles have inspired writers, painters and musicians for 2,000 years. Now audiences can meet the Biblical femme fatale in two new stage and screen projects
From Bram Stoker to Stanley Kubrick, the British Library's latest exhibition celebrates all things Gothic

British Library celebrates all things Gothic

Forthcoming exhibition Terror and Wonder: The Gothic Imagination will be the UK's largest ever celebration of Gothic literature
The Hard Rock Café's owners are embroiled in a bitter legal dispute - but is the restaurant chain worth fighting for?

Is the Hard Rock Café worth fighting for?

The restaurant chain's owners are currently embroiled in a bitter legal dispute
Caribbean cuisine is becoming increasingly popular in the UK ... and there's more to it than jerk chicken at carnival

In search of Caribbean soul food

Caribbean cuisine is becoming increasingly popular in the UK ... and there's more to it than jerk chicken at carnival
11 best face powders

11 best face powders

Sweep away shiny skin with our pick of the best pressed and loose powder bases
England vs Norway: Roy Hodgson's hands tied by exploding top flight

Roy Hodgson's hands tied by exploding top flight

Lack of Englishmen at leading Premier League clubs leaves manager hamstrung
Angel Di Maria and Cristiano Ronaldo: A tale of two Manchester United No 7s

Di Maria and Ronaldo: A tale of two Manchester United No 7s

They both inherited the iconic shirt at Old Trafford, but the £59.7m new boy is joining a club in a very different state
Israel-Gaza conflict: No victory for Israel despite weeks of death and devastation

Robert Fisk: No victory for Israel despite weeks of devastation

Palestinians have won: they are still in Gaza, and Hamas is still there
Mary Beard writes character reference for Twitter troll who called her a 'slut'

Unlikely friends: Mary Beard and the troll who called her a ‘filthy old slut’

The Cambridge University classicist even wrote the student a character reference