John Walsh: Naked hitmen in a bathtub? Get a life

BTW...

Share
Related Topics

It's just been revealed that the lovely Kate Middleton was recently confirmed in the Church of England. There's not much to say about this – confirmation just means you're happy to re-affirm the Christian vows your parents made at your baptism – except that people usually get confirmed at 10 or 11, rather than being steered into it at 29. But did you know that those who seek confirmation in the C of E are offered a course called Get A Life!? I can't help thinking this is a double-edged injunction. But Kate is certainly responding to it wholeheartedly, isn't she?



* All Russian government "procurements" have, by law, to be published on the internet. Which is how we learned that President Dmitry Medvedev's minders have been enjoying bath nights in a new cast-iron tub costing 336,000 roubles, or £6,500. It's not even a communal one; it could accommodate only two burly naked hitmen (plus loofahs, gel and shampoo) at any time. The president's spokesmen have defended the purchase. How? By saying the bathing bodyguards are torpedos? That they're working "undercover"?



* Tactful remark of the week: Guy Woodward, editor of Decanter magazine, on being informed that "members of the public" struggled to differentiate cheap from expensive wines said: "Expensive wines... may not have the bold fruity flavours of cheaper wines – they will be more nuanced and may not be as sweet." Translation: "Expensive wines may not taste like cider vinegar or undiluted Ribena, so you may struggle to taste anything in them at all..."



* How does one deal with paparazzi in California? Robert Pattinson, the British-born actor who plays Edward the vampire in the Twilight movies, has a strategy. "A bunch of paparazzi were following me," he said, "and I thought the best way to deal with it was to stop my car in the middle of the street and say, 'I'm not leaving, and I'm not going to speak to you anymore'." Naturally his car was soon entirely surrounded by flashing cameras, drug dealers and assorted scary lowlife. Only an English public schoolboy could have imagined it was a good idea. I urge him not to try the same approach when chased by muggers in Brooklyn.

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
SPONSORED FEATURES
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Recruitment Genius: Sales Executive or Senior Sales Executive - B2B Exhibitions

£18000 - £30000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: A Sales Executive or Senior Sal...

Recruitment Genius: Head of Support Services

£40000 - £55000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This is an exciting opportunity...

Recruitment Genius: Warehouse Team Leader

£22000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This industry leading company produces h...

Recruitment Genius: Business Development Manager / Sales - OTE £40,000

£20000 - £40000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This IT provider for the educat...

Day In a Page

Read Next
A press image from the company  

If men are so obsessed by their genitals, why do they clam up when confronted with the grisly realities of sex?

Chloë Hamilton
Workers clean the area in front of the new Turkish Presidential Palace prior to an official reception for Republic day in Ankara  

Up Ankara, for a tour of great crapital cities

Dom Joly
A nap a day could save your life - and here's why

A nap a day could save your life

A midday nap is 'associated with reduced blood pressure'
If men are so obsessed by sex, why do they clam up when confronted with the grisly realities?

If men are so obsessed by sex...

...why do they clam up when confronted with the grisly realities?
The comedy titans of Avalon on their attempt to save BBC3

Jon Thoday and Richard Allen-Turner

The comedy titans of Avalon on their attempt to save BBC3
The bathing machine is back... but with a difference

Rolling in the deep

The bathing machine is back but with a difference
Part-privatised tests, new age limits, driverless cars: Tories plot motoring revolution

Conservatives plot a motoring revolution

Draft report reveals biggest reform to regulations since driving test introduced in 1935
The Silk Roads that trace civilisation: Long before the West rose to power, Asian pathways were connecting peoples and places

The Silk Roads that trace civilisation

Long before the West rose to power, Asian pathways were connecting peoples and places
House of Lords: Outcry as donors, fixers and MPs caught up in expenses scandal are ennobled

The honours that shame Britain

Outcry as donors, fixers and MPs caught up in expenses scandal are ennobled
When it comes to street harassment, we need to talk about race

'When it comes to street harassment, we need to talk about race'

Why are black men living the stereotypes and why are we letting them get away with it?
International Tap Festival: Forget Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers - this dancing is improvised, spontaneous and rhythmic

International Tap Festival comes to the UK

Forget Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers - this dancing is improvised, spontaneous and rhythmic
War with Isis: Is Turkey's buffer zone in Syria a matter of self-defence – or just anti-Kurd?

Turkey's buffer zone in Syria: self-defence – or just anti-Kurd?

Ankara accused of exacerbating racial division by allowing Turkmen minority to cross the border
Doris Lessing: Acclaimed novelist was kept under MI5 observation for 18 years, newly released papers show

'A subversive brothel keeper and Communist'

Acclaimed novelist Doris Lessing was kept under MI5 observation for 18 years, newly released papers show
Big Blue Live: BBC's Springwatch offshoot swaps back gardens for California's Monterey Bay

BBC heads to the Californian coast

The Big Blue Live crew is preparing for the first of three episodes on Sunday night, filming from boats, planes and an aquarium studio
Austin Bidwell: The Victorian fraudster who shook the Bank of England with the most daring forgery the world had known

Victorian fraudster who shook the Bank of England

Conman Austin Bidwell. was a heartless cad who carried out the most daring forgery the world had known
Car hacking scandal: Security designed to stop thieves hot-wiring almost every modern motor has been cracked

Car hacking scandal

Security designed to stop thieves hot-wiring almost every modern motor has been cracked
10 best placemats

Take your seat: 10 best placemats

Protect your table and dine in style with a bold new accessory