Another list for Channel 4 - the bloodiest battle of all

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The Independent Online

Today is your chance to vote for the Greatest Christmas Moments Of All Time!

All you have to do is go through the Great Christmas Moments listed below, cast your mind back to what you can remember of Christmas and vote for your Great Christmas Moments!

Then, when all the votes are in, we'll make it into a Channel 4 programme next year called The Greatest Christmas Moments Of All Time!

Got the idea?

Here we go then with the selection list of great Christmas moments:-

1. Going to get last year's tree lights out and not finding them.

2. Getting a Christmas card signed "Tim and Kay".

3. Not knowing anyone called Tim and Kay.

4. Which is awkward, because they have written on the card: "See you on the 27th, then!"

5. Delivering cards by hand to your neighbours and discovering they have all got letter-boxes which a) are invisible or b) are 2 inches off the ground or c) trap your hands in a metal clamp.

6. Getting some new tree lights to replace the ones you can't find.

7. Losing the Christmas edition of the Radio Times.

8. Being unable to find any fresh bread in the house, reluctantly breaking into one old stale loaf.

9. Hearing the cook say: "All right - who's been using the old loaf I put aside specially for the bread sauce?"

10. You explaining that there was no fresh bread.

11. You being shown where the fresh bread is being specially kept over Christmas.

12. You finding the old tree lights from last year.

13. You starting to wrap presents at the time you had hoped to be finishing wrapping presents.

14. You agreeing to do the sprouts.

15. You being asked if you remembered to get that coriander.

16. You saying you are sorry, you forgot.

17. You going out on Christmas Eve to get coriander.

18. You only being able to find parsley.

19. You getting parsley and bringing it back triumphantly.

20. The cook saying: "Didn't they have any flat-leaved parsely, then?" and you resisting the temptation to strangle the cook.

21. You going to visit your mother in the old folks' home over Christmas, and she not recognising you.

22. Another old lady saying: "Hello darling!" and you realising it was you who had failed to recognise your mother.

23. Getting a copy of Lynne Truss's Eats, Shoots and Leaves as a present on Christmas Day.

24. Getting another copy of Lynne Truss's Eats, Shoots and Leaves as a present on Christmas Day.

25. Being asked to make a child's present work properly.

26. Pulling crackers and always getting the wrong end and thus seeing someone who's already got three hats and three gifts get one more lot.

27. Getting four more copies of Lynne Truss's book.

28. Being the only person who has no paper hat, you stealing someone's paper hat and putting it on.

29. Realising that the lovely new tie someone has given you has already gone missing.

30. Going desperately through the discarded wrapping paper, piece by piece, looking for the lovely new tie.

31. Desperately failing to find it.

32. Someone saying to you: "I like your new tie!"

33. You remembering you had put the thing on.

34. You catching sight of yourself in mirror, realising what a twerp you look in paper hat.

35. You being forced to carve turkey and hand out right portions for everyone.

36. Cook saying: "You haven't give anyone stuffing."

37. All plates being recalled for stuffing.

38. Cook saying: "You've only give them one kind of stuffing."

39. Plates being recalled for stuffing from other end of turkey.

40. Food going cold by now.

More great Christmas moments some other time....