Eighty things you need to know

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Ten people named after money

Ten people named after money

Pat Cash

Dollar Brand

Penny Mortimer

Cesar Frank

Stirling Moss

Ezra Pound

Steve Punt

Mark Thomas

Nicol Williamson

Euro Geller

Ten geometric terms used in daily life

Point of no return

Learning curve

Attention span

Vicious circle

Line of least resistance

Square meal

Eccentric behaviour

Parallel universe

Global warming

Pyramid selling

Ten things we do only when we think we are totally unobserved

Pick our nose

Practise our imitation of Sean Connery

Inspect our own ear wax

Pick up money in the street


Read a Martin Amis book

Rehearse a dance step we haven't tried for 20 years

See if we can still make ourselves go cross-eyed



Ten things that Tony Blair really means when he says "y'know"

I know

You know

I don't know

You don't know

Nobody knows

You don't know, so I'll sound as if I do know

I wish it were true

I've said it so often I now believe it

If I say it often enough it will be true

Oh, look, isn't that somebody more important over there? - See you later...!

Ten things named after monarchs

Potatoes (King Edward)

Chair legs (Queen Anne)

Dogs (King Charles)

Wild carrots (Queen Anne's Lace)

Books (King James Bible)

American states (Virginia, Carolina)

Waterfalls (Victoria)

Quarries (King Solomon's Mines)

Arrivals (The Queen of Sheba)

More American states (Georgia, Louisiana etc)

Ten things it is best to do when you have the wind behind you

Light a cigarette

Fold a map

Spend a penny


Shout to someone ahead

Tie your tie

Trim your chest hair

Dispose of chewing gum

Inhale cocaine

Sail across the Atlantic

Ten phrases which you may need to use when you go to vote in the MEP elections today

'How many candidates can I vote for?"

"How many MEPs have we got now?"

"Who are they?"

"What have they been doing?"

"Where were they when I needed them?"

"Why are almost all the candidates men?"

"What do women know that I don't know?"

"Who do I vote for if I merely wish to register my displeasure at Mr Blair?"

"Who do I vote for if I want to get rid of Mr Blair, but can't see anyone else I want to replace him?"

"Who do I vote for if I just want to express my displeasure at George Galloway?"

"If I want to express my displeasure at the lot of them, can I just come in, hang around for a while and then leave without voting?"

Ten people who are named after things that you can eat, unless you are a vegetarian

Kevin Bacon

Sandra Bullock

Julian Bream

Richard Herring

David Hare

Deborah Bull

David Lamb

A C Grayling

Michael Fish

Alex Salmond