Gorgeous George for London Mayor

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Where are they now? That is the delicate question which we are sometimes forced to ask about all those people who were, once, on every front page every day, and then suddenly vanished.

Where are they now? That is the delicate question which we are sometimes forced to ask about all those people who were, once, on every front page every day, and then suddenly vanished.

Names like General Pinochet. And Michael Barrymore. And O J Simpson. And Madonna. (No, as you were, not Madonna. Madonna never goes away. She really belongs in another feature called "Gosh, Are They Still Here?")

So - where are they now?

Andrew Motion

Andrew Motion is busy working on a poem about England's bid for football glory in Euro 2004. He wants to know if anyone can think of a rhyme for Ericksson. Or Beckham. Or Hargreaves. Or Heskey. Or anyone...

George Galloway

George Galloway is working on a bid to became Mayor of London. He is standing as the new maverick to replace Ken Livingstone, who has gone all respectable and is no longer anyone's maverick.

Sangatte Camp

See Gordon Ramsay.

Gordon Ramsay

Gordon Ramsay is working on a new TV programme in which he and a team of would-be immigrant chefs from Albania, Kurdistan, Romania, Macedonia, etc, have got four weeks in which to turn Sangatte Camp into a three star restaurant with the best food in the north of France. Filming has only been going on a week but already several of the would-be immigrants have been so traumatised by Gordon Ramsay that they have returned to Albania, Kurdistan etc.

Gerry Adams

Gerry Adams is preparing his bid to become the next Mayor of London and solve the capital's traffic problems. He intends to point to his record in Belfast, where he has helped to keep most of the traffic off the streets, made it inadvisable to leave empty parked cars anywhere and kept the place safe for walking. Well, marching, anyway.

Maxine Carr

Maxine Carr has made a new life for herself in a small village in Essex, where she has, rather ingeniously, been given a new identity as a reporter for the Daily Mail, as a consequence of which she is shunned by the villagers and left strictly alone.

Saddam Hussein

Saddam Hussein is working on a bid to become the next Mayor of London. If successful, he has pledged to have all the unsuccessful candidates murdered. Other aspects of his policy are not clear yet.

Edwina Currie

Right now, Edwina Currie is in a taxi with Neil and Christine Hamilton, and Robert Kilroy-Silk, being whisked from one TV chat show to another, not knowing where they are going, or what they are going to be asked next, only knowing that once you are on the treadmill you can never get off.

The Millennium Bug

The Millennium Bug has never quite recovered from its abject failure to sabotage the start of the new century. It was given a new identity as one of the Queen's corgis, and is now living quietly in retirement at Sandringham.

Cherie Blair

Cherie Blair is following the precepts of a new lifestyle guide called The Joys of a Low Profile. According to this, absence from the headlines can bring a new sense of peace and calm to you. She would like Tony to join her new lifestyle at the next election by handing over to Gordon. Tony is tempted, but thinks it may be a trap. Has she perhaps been seeing Gordon at Number 11 when he is not at home? Also, why is Geoff Hoon hanging round all the time? And why is Lord Birt tapping at the window when the moon is full? Don't miss the next episode of WestEnders!

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