How much of a clever clogs are you?

Share
+More

None of us like to think that we are guilty of pedantry, yet we are all, in varying degrees, likely to find it aggravating when friends and relations commit tiny trivial errors. Often we insist on correcting those errors, and although we think that thereby we are building a reputation for wisdom and knowledge, in fact we are just getting a name as a clever clogs.

None of us like to think that we are guilty of pedantry, yet we are all, in varying degrees, likely to find it aggravating when friends and relations commit tiny trivial errors. Often we insist on correcting those errors, and although we think that thereby we are building a reputation for wisdom and knowledge, in fact we are just getting a name as a clever clogs.

People never own up to this, so I have devised a DIY test which will tell readers just how much of a pedant they really are.

Here are some of the more common symptoms of pedantry. Just tick the ones which apply to you, and find your rating at the end of the mini-quiz.

1. When you started this article, you automatically thought to yourself: "Hold on - grammatically speaking, shouldn't that be 'None of us likes to think'?"

2. You also frowned when you came to the word "aggravating", and you said to yourself: "He seems to think 'aggravate' means to 'irritate', whereas it just means 'to make worse'."

3. When people say: "Sorry, could you repeat that again?", you find yourself saying: "Well, not really. I have only said it once and I haven't repeated it at all yet, so I can't exactly repeat it again. I could however repeat it for the first time, if you like."

4. You are irritated by the use of the phrase "steam train". It wasn't the train that was steam-driven. It was the engine. So people should say "steam engine". Even better, "steam locomotive".

5. You hate it when people mix up "fewer" and "less".

6. When we came to the end of the 20th century, you agreed totally with those who could see that 2000AD was the last year of the old millennium, and not the first of the next, so you celebrated the date a year later than everyone else.

7. When the conversation gets round to red and grey squirrels, you find it very hard to resist saying that a grey squirrel isn't really a squirrel, but a kind of rat.

8. And that a spider is not strictly speaking an insect.

9. And that a slow worm is not a snake at all, but a kind of legless lizard.

10. You get very cross when people insist on pronouncing "macho" as "macko" and "machismo" as "mackismo". It's pronounced as written for heaven's sake! The Spanish "ch" is exactly the same as our "ch". They wouldn't have a dance called the "cha cha cha" otherwise, would they? And he wasn't pronounced Kay Guevara, was he? Well, then.

11. You get just as cross when people say that they are "disinterested" in something they find dull. No, they're not, they're "uninterested". "Disinterested" is a very useful word for "impartial".

12. You hate it when people seem to think that Frankenstein was a monster. Frankenstein built the monster. That's why we say "Frankenstein's monster".

13. When people say "tomorrow to fresh fields, and pastures new", you find it hard to resist pointing out that Milton actually wrote: "Tomorrow to fresh woods, and pastures new".

14. People talk about "reaching a crescendo". But a "crescendo" is a process of growing louder, so you can't reach it. All you can reach is a climax.

15. You find it irritating when people talk about "The hoi polloi". "Hoi polloi" is Greek for "the many". So when they say "The hoi polloi", they are actually saying "the the many".

Right - now add up your score. If you got 12 or more out of 15, you are an exhibitionist and a pain in the neck. You love University Challenge and are probably in a pub quiz team. No wonder people shun you.

If you scored between 4 and 11, you are still an exhibitionist and a pain in the neck, but you prefer The Weakest Link to University Challenge.

If you only scored 1-3, you are either highly tolerant or pathetically underinformed.

If you didn't bother to do the test, you are completely normal. Well done!

React Now

Day In a Page

Read Next
Brave Ingrid engaged a man holding a meat cleaver in conversation until police arrived  

The bravery of women shames men

Janet Street-Porter
Relishing the challenge: Najmaldin Karim in his Kirkuk office  

'Baghdad likes to live from crisis to crisis': Civil war looms in Iraq

Patrick Cockburn
Andrew Mitchell: 'It's no good feeling hard done by'

Andrew Mitchell: 'It's no good feeling hard done by'

In his first interview since 'plebgate', the former Chief Whip opens up just enough to concede that, in politics, you have to take the rough with the smooth
Corruption and the FCO: Blue skies, white sands, dark clouds

Corruption and the FCO: Blue skies, white sands, dark clouds

Special report: Met police call for criminal inquiry into former diplomat's Cayman Islands rule
Fallen angel: Winona Ryder on bouncing back from her decade in the wilderness

Fallen angel: Winona Ryder bounces back

She owned the 1990s... but then she disappeared. Now, Ms Ryder is back with quite the bang in her latest role, as the wife of a notorious real-life Mob hitman.
Roman Polanski shakes Cannes Film Festival

Roman Polanski shakes Cannes Film Festival

The director's new film, 'Venus in Fur', is one of the raciest on offer
Rev Richard Coles: 'I don’t have any concerns that God is cross with me for being gay and eventually the Church won’t either'

Rev Richard Coles on the Church and homosexuality

The mellifluous, erudite and witty Coles is the nation's most pop-culture-friendly priest
'Baghdad likes to live from crisis to crisis': Civil war looms in Iraq

Patrick Cockburn: Civil war looms in Iraq

The governor of Kirkuk - one of the country's most violent but successful provinces - fears the worst
Written on the body: Tattooists at pains to point out their artistic credentials

Written on the body

Tattooists at pains to point out their artistic credentials
Conquering Everest: 60 facts about the world's tallest mountain

Conquering Everest: 60 facts about the world's tallest mountain

The IoS marks the sixtieth anniversary of Sir Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay first reaching the peak of the highest mountain on Earth
A new, and irreversible, Dust Bowl looms

Rupert Cornwell: A new, and irreversible, Dust Bowl looms

The destructive power of tornadoes will be as nothing once the Great Plains' vast underground water reserve dries up
Every creature's needless death diminshes us all

Philip Hoare: Every creature's needless death diminishes us all

A 60 per cent decline in our national species should alarm us, yet few of us act. But to mind more about animals would reflect well on society
Killing with kindness: Burma's religious battleground - and the monks at the heart of it

Killing with kindness: Burma's religious battleground

Six years ago, the world cheered the monks behind Burma’s Saffron Revolution. Now, a horrific new eruption of religious slaughter is being blamed on a 'Buddhist Bin Laden'.
Let's take it outside: Bill Granger's Bank Holiday feast

Let's take it outside: Bill Granger's Bank Holiday feast

You can’t always depend on the weather – but you can avoid the pitfalls of the British barbecue by preparing an elaborate outdoor feast indoors ahead of time...
The Calvin report: Stirring Champions League final shows how far English game must advance

The Calvin report

Stirring Champions League final shows how far English game must advance
10 big questions for the British & Irish Lions to answer

10 big questions for the British & Irish Lions to answer

Warren Gatland's squad fly Down Under aiming to do justice to the expectations – and hoping the Wallabies stay in the pub
The Last Word: Golf must end the hypocrisy before its halo slips totally

The Last Word

Golf must end the hypocrisy before its halo slips totally