Is it sporting to shoot flying fish?

'The salesman who first sold vanilla flavour to the ice cream trade was the greatest salesman of all'
Click to follow

Time for another helping of Albanian proverbs, I think. These ancient sayings are not like our proverbs at all; ours are dull and purely practical, whereas Albanian proverbs are poetic and totally unhelpful in daily life. But see what you think.

Time for another helping of Albanian proverbs, I think. These ancient sayings are not like our proverbs at all; ours are dull and purely practical, whereas Albanian proverbs are poetic and totally unhelpful in daily life. But see what you think.

The natives of North America were a wise and noble people, but they never invented the doorstop.

Did you ever meet anyone who had died in defence of the right to speak Esperanto?

When a man joins a protest march against capitalism, the first thing that he should ask himself is: "What's in this for me?"

Three things to be wary of: a bishop chewing gum, a six-fingered glove and a bottle of mineral water that claims to be "naturally carbonated".

Ninety-nine people out of 100 use talcum powder and toothpaste, but not one person in 1,000 could tell you what they are made of. What trust.

A dried herb is a spice, but a dried weed is only a dried weed.

When hairdressers raise their prices, long hair becomes fashionable.

You can put your arm in a sling, but you can't throw it very far.

All currencies fluctuate from time to time, except pocket money, which only goes up.

We need symmetry. That is why the two halves of a football game are the same length. But we also need a good night's sleep. That is why the second half of a play is always shorter than the first half.

How does a touch judge practise?

There is no such thing in nature as stale bread, so why do birds so willingly eat it?

The sting of a nettle is designed to keep people away. In fact, it has the opposite effect and provokes anyone it stings into picking up a stick and destroying the nettle. Bad design fault, God.

The tallest telegraph pole can never be taller than the tallest tree.

Confident prediction: you will never meet anyone at a party who owns up to being a football referee.

It is unlucky to be the first person to get into a lifeboat, especially if the ship is not sinking.

Salesmen may come and go, but the salesman who first sold vanilla flavour to the ice-cream trade was the greatest salesman of them all.

Everyone knows what a telegraph pole is, but nobody remembers what a telegraph is.

Is it sporting to shoot flying fish?

It is easier to chop the monarch's head off than it is to agree upon a new national anthem.

If it were not for this string holding me back, says the kite, I could fly to the moon.

When a car driver waves at a friend on the pavement and gets no response, he thinks it is because the friend no longer loves him, whereas, of course, it is only because people on the pavement can never recognise people in cars, but forgetting that, the car driver proceeds to get into a bad mood, starts to drive recklessly and then runs over another friend, who recognises the driver as he is hit by the car, and dies waving.

Sing to the blackbird and see where it gets you.

A spider that builds his web on a car roof-rack has a long walk home.

Taken from the 'Great Big Book of Albanian Proverbs' (1999 edition)

Comments