Miles Kington: How to make a meal of a packet of crisps

In the three-course dinner bag you get prawn cocktail crisps at the top, then salmon or venison, and to finish up, apple or mango

Related Topics

All you have to do is read them, evaluate them and see if you can pick the genuine one from the fakes. Ready? Here we go!

1. Police in the German town of Mainzdorf were puzzled by an outbreak of vanishing post-boxes. The post-boxes, some small, some man-sized, have all been taken off the wall or prised out of the pavement. So the police set a trap. They erected a complete false post box with an observer inside, and placed it at the point where they thought the next post-box would be taken from. They were right. The fake police box, together with the genuine policeman inside, was removed overnight and neither of them has been seen again since the incident, 10 days ago.

2. Just when we thought nobody would ever come up with a new flavour for potato crisps, Mr Jason Toobody of Leicester has taken the game to a whole new level. He and his company, Gastrocrisps, have produced a three-course dinner flavoured set of crisps!

"Obviously you don't get all three flavours in one crisp," says Jason. "That would be disgusting. But in the three-course dinner bag you get starter-flavoured crisps at the top, maybe prawn cocktail or gazpacho, then halfway down you get salmon or venison flavoured crisps, and to finish off, apple or mango crisps."

The idea is that to achieve a complete meal sensation, you eat right through one packet. Mr Toobody reckons that there are fewer calories in these packets of crisps than in a genuine three-course dinner, so he could actually sell it as a slimming device.

3. A criminal gang in South Africa thinks it may well have incurred the wrath of the Sicilian Mafia. For a joke, the Xhosa-speaking gang named itself "Xhosa Nostra", after the name given to itself by the Mafia, "Cosa Nostra". But recently two or three gang members have been found murdered in ways which only the Mafia tend to favour, and they now think that they have become embroiled in a vendetta against Sicilian

"It's not fair, man," says a member of the gang who wants to remain anonymous, not to say alive. "Everyone talks about gangsters in the old USSR as being the Russian mafia, and people in Sicily have no problem with that. So why us?"

The gang says that if there are any more suspicious deaths, they will have to consider changing their name.

4. The council in Bath has spent so much money on its ill-starred Bath Spa scheme, which is still not open, that it has introduced many drastic economy measures, such as closing down pretty well all the publicly owned lavatories in Bath. A small Bath tour company has now started offering a guided walking tour called "The Lost Loos of Bath", which lasts two hours and takes walkers round the best of them. But now the council is taking them to court to force them to stop the tour, maintaining that the tour's very title is injurious to the reputation of the city.

5. Another story from Bath. Max Foster, the young owner of a moped, saw it being stolen and asked the police to pursue the thieves. Police said they could not do this, as the thieves were not wearing crash helmets. If they were injured in the chase, the police might be sued. Therefore no chase took place.

Well? Have you made your choice? Yes, of course. It was the man and his moped which was the true story. But you only knew that because you read it in the paper. That's what we call cheating. I am ashamed of you. Between now and the next test, no reading the papers! And if any of you start marketing three-course dinner-flavoured crisps for real, the mighty Independent computer's lawyer will be after you, on the grounds that it thought of it first.

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Guru Careers: Software Developer / C# Developer

£40-50K: Guru Careers: We are seeking an experienced Software / C# Developer w...

Guru Careers: Software Developer

£35 - 40k + Benefits: Guru Careers: We are seeking a Software Developer (JavaS...

SThree: Trainee Recruitment Consultant / Resourcer

£18000 - £23000 per annum + Commission: SThree: As a Trainee Recruitment Consu...

Ashdown Group: UI Developer - (UI, HTML, CSS, JavaScript, AngularJS)

£25000 - £40000 per annum: Ashdown Group: UI Developer - (UI, JavaScript, HTML...

Day In a Page

Read Next

In Sickness and in Health: 'I'm really happy to be alive and to see Rebecca'

Rebecca Armstrong
Supporters in favour of same-sex marriage pose for a photograph as thousands gather in Dublin Castle  

The lessons we can learn from Ireland's gay marriage referendum

Stefano Hatfield
Abuse - and the hell that came afterwards

Abuse - and the hell that follows

James Rhodes on the extraordinary legal battle to publish his memoir
Why we need a 'tranquility map' of England, according to campaigners

It's oh so quiet!

The case for a 'tranquility map' of England
'Timeless fashion': It may be a paradox, but the industry loves it

'Timeless fashion'

It may be a paradox, but the industry loves it
If the West needs a bridge to the 'moderates' inside Isis, maybe we could have done with Osama bin Laden staying alive after all

Could have done with Osama bin Laden staying alive?

Robert Fisk on the Fountainheads of World Evil in 2011 - and 2015
New exhibition celebrates the evolution of swimwear

Evolution of swimwear

From bathing dresses in the twenties to modern bikinis
Sun, sex and an anthropological study: One British academic's summer of hell in Magaluf

Sun, sex and an anthropological study

One academic’s summer of hell in Magaluf
From Shakespeare to Rising Damp... to Vicious

Frances de la Tour's 50-year triumph

'Rising Damp' brought De la Tour such recognition that she could be forgiven if she'd never been able to move on. But at 70, she continues to flourish - and to beguile
'That Whitsun, I was late getting away...'

Ian McMillan on the Whitsun Weddings

This weekend is Whitsun, and while the festival may no longer resonate, Larkin's best-loved poem, lives on - along with the train journey at the heart of it
Kathryn Williams explores the works and influences of Sylvia Plath in a new light

Songs from the bell jar

Kathryn Williams explores the works and influences of Sylvia Plath
How one man's day in high heels showed him that Cannes must change its 'no flats' policy

One man's day in high heels

...showed him that Cannes must change its 'flats' policy
Is a quiet crusade to reform executive pay bearing fruit?

Is a quiet crusade to reform executive pay bearing fruit?

Dominic Rossi of Fidelity says his pressure on business to control rewards is working. But why aren’t other fund managers helping?
The King David Hotel gives precious work to Palestinians - unless peace talks are on

King David Hotel: Palestinians not included

The King David is special to Jerusalem. Nick Kochan checked in and discovered it has some special arrangements, too
More people moving from Australia to New Zealand than in the other direction for first time in 24 years

End of the Aussie brain drain

More people moving from Australia to New Zealand than in the other direction for first time in 24 years
Meditation is touted as a cure for mental instability but can it actually be bad for you?

Can meditation be bad for you?

Researching a mass murder, Dr Miguel Farias discovered that, far from bringing inner peace, meditation can leave devotees in pieces
Eurovision 2015: Australians will be cheering on their first-ever entrant this Saturday

Australia's first-ever Eurovision entrant

Australia, a nation of kitsch-worshippers, has always loved the Eurovision Song Contest. Maggie Alderson says it'll fit in fine