Miles Kington: How to make a meal of a packet of crisps

In the three-course dinner bag you get prawn cocktail crisps at the top, then salmon or venison, and to finish up, apple or mango

Share
Related Topics

All you have to do is read them, evaluate them and see if you can pick the genuine one from the fakes. Ready? Here we go!

1. Police in the German town of Mainzdorf were puzzled by an outbreak of vanishing post-boxes. The post-boxes, some small, some man-sized, have all been taken off the wall or prised out of the pavement. So the police set a trap. They erected a complete false post box with an observer inside, and placed it at the point where they thought the next post-box would be taken from. They were right. The fake police box, together with the genuine policeman inside, was removed overnight and neither of them has been seen again since the incident, 10 days ago.

2. Just when we thought nobody would ever come up with a new flavour for potato crisps, Mr Jason Toobody of Leicester has taken the game to a whole new level. He and his company, Gastrocrisps, have produced a three-course dinner flavoured set of crisps!

"Obviously you don't get all three flavours in one crisp," says Jason. "That would be disgusting. But in the three-course dinner bag you get starter-flavoured crisps at the top, maybe prawn cocktail or gazpacho, then halfway down you get salmon or venison flavoured crisps, and to finish off, apple or mango crisps."

The idea is that to achieve a complete meal sensation, you eat right through one packet. Mr Toobody reckons that there are fewer calories in these packets of crisps than in a genuine three-course dinner, so he could actually sell it as a slimming device.

3. A criminal gang in South Africa thinks it may well have incurred the wrath of the Sicilian Mafia. For a joke, the Xhosa-speaking gang named itself "Xhosa Nostra", after the name given to itself by the Mafia, "Cosa Nostra". But recently two or three gang members have been found murdered in ways which only the Mafia tend to favour, and they now think that they have become embroiled in a vendetta against Sicilian

"It's not fair, man," says a member of the gang who wants to remain anonymous, not to say alive. "Everyone talks about gangsters in the old USSR as being the Russian mafia, and people in Sicily have no problem with that. So why us?"

The gang says that if there are any more suspicious deaths, they will have to consider changing their name.

4. The council in Bath has spent so much money on its ill-starred Bath Spa scheme, which is still not open, that it has introduced many drastic economy measures, such as closing down pretty well all the publicly owned lavatories in Bath. A small Bath tour company has now started offering a guided walking tour called "The Lost Loos of Bath", which lasts two hours and takes walkers round the best of them. But now the council is taking them to court to force them to stop the tour, maintaining that the tour's very title is injurious to the reputation of the city.

5. Another story from Bath. Max Foster, the young owner of a moped, saw it being stolen and asked the police to pursue the thieves. Police said they could not do this, as the thieves were not wearing crash helmets. If they were injured in the chase, the police might be sued. Therefore no chase took place.

Well? Have you made your choice? Yes, of course. It was the man and his moped which was the true story. But you only knew that because you read it in the paper. That's what we call cheating. I am ashamed of you. Between now and the next test, no reading the papers! And if any of you start marketing three-course dinner-flavoured crisps for real, the mighty Independent computer's lawyer will be after you, on the grounds that it thought of it first.

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Recruitment Genius: Operations Manager

£30000 - £35000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: An exciting opportunity to join...

Recruitment Genius: Recruitment Consultant

£30000 - £35000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: We have an excellent role for a...

Recruitment Genius: IT Support Analyst - Bristol

Negotiable: Recruitment Genius: An IT Support Analyst is required to join the ...

Austen Lloyd: Senior Private Client Solicitor

Excellent Salary: Austen Lloyd: SURREY - An outstanding high level opportunity...

Day In a Page

Read Next
 

For once, Kerry Katona had the right idea

Dom Joly
Should parents be allowed to take pictures at nativity plays?  

Ghosts of Christmas past: What effect could posting pictures of nativity plays have on the next generation?

Ellen E Jones
The week Hollywood got scared and had to grow up a bit

The week Hollywood got scared and had to grow up a bit

Sony suffered a chorus of disapproval after it withdrew 'The Interview', but it's not too late for it to take a stand, says Joan Smith
From Widow Twankey to Mother Goose, how do the men who play panto dames get themselves ready for the performance of a lifetime?

Panto dames: before and after

From Widow Twankey to Mother Goose, how do the men who play panto dames get themselves ready for the performance of a lifetime?
Thirties murder mystery novel is surprise runaway Christmas hit

Thirties murder mystery novel is surprise runaway Christmas hit

Booksellers say readers are turning away from dark modern thrillers and back to the golden age of crime writing
Anne-Marie Huby: 'Charities deserve the best,' says founder of JustGiving

Anne-Marie Huby: 'Charities deserve the best'

Ten million of us have used the JustGiving website to donate to good causes. Its co-founder says that being dynamic is as important as being kind
The botanist who hunts for giant trees at Kew Gardens

The man who hunts giants

A Kew Gardens botanist has found 25 new large tree species - and he's sure there are more out there
The 12 ways of Christmas: Spare a thought for those who will be working to keep others safe during the festive season

The 12 ways of Christmas

We speak to a dozen people who will be working to keep others safe, happy and healthy over the holidays
Birdwatching men have a lot in common with their feathered friends, new study shows

The male exhibits strange behaviour

A new study shows that birdwatching men have a lot in common with their feathered friends...
Diaries of Evelyn Waugh, Virginia Woolf and Noël Coward reveal how they coped with the December blues

Famous diaries: Christmas week in history

Noël Coward parties into the night, Alan Clark bemoans the cost of servants, Evelyn Waugh ponders his drinking…
From noble to narky, the fall of the open letter

From noble to narky, the fall of the open letter

The great tradition of St Paul and Zola reached its nadir with a hungry worker's rant to Russell Brand, says DJ Taylor
A Christmas ghost story by Alison Moore: A prodigal daughter has a breakthrough

A Christmas ghost story by Alison Moore

The story was published earlier this month in 'Poor Souls' Light: Seven Curious Tales'
Marian Keyes: The author on her pre-approved Christmas, true love's parking implications and living in the moment

Marian Keyes

The author on her pre-approved Christmas, true love's parking implications and living in the moment
Bill Granger recipes: Our chef creates an Italian-inspired fish feast for Christmas Eve

Bill Granger's Christmas Eve fish feast

Bill's Italian friends introduced him to the Roman Catholic custom of a lavish fish supper on Christmas Eve. Here, he gives the tradition his own spin…
Liverpool vs Arsenal: Brendan Rodgers is fighting for his reputation

Rodgers fights for his reputation

Liverpool manager tries to stay on his feet despite waves of criticism
Amir Khan: 'The Taliban can threaten me but I must speak out... innocent kids, killed over nothing. It’s sick in the mind'

Amir Khan attacks the Taliban

'They can threaten me but I must speak out... innocent kids, killed over nothing. It’s sick in the mind'
Michael Calvin: Sepp Blatter is my man of the year in sport. Bring on 2015, quick

Michael Calvin's Last Word

Sepp Blatter is my man of the year in sport. Bring on 2015, quick