Miles Kington Remembered: If there's one thing more useful than learning, it's forgetting

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The Independent Online

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Control Your Memory Loss!

Today you have the chance to acquire a revolutionary new way of training the memory.

Yes, we hear a lot about the learning process, and learning curves, and the acquisition of knowledge, but has it occurred to you that the intake and digestion of knowledge cannot go on forever? That somewhere in the middle of our life, though we are still acquiring knowledge, we are also starting to lose it? And that finally, towards the end of our life, we find we are losing knowledge faster than we are gaining it?

This process has a name. It is called "forgetting." Until now, "forgetting" has always been left to look after itself. Nobody has ever devised a good way of forgetting things.

Unlike learning. Learning has had countless systems invented for it. There have been innumerable colleges and universities erected in honour of learning, where young people go to pursue the intake of knowledge in a systematic manner.

Almost all of this knowledge will desert them before the end of their lives, yet the losing of this priceless knowledge is allowed to happen in an entirely haphazard and unsystematic manner, quite differently from the way it was imbibed.

But where, oh where, is the temple devoted to forgetting? Where is there a place of unlearning? Nowhere! Surely this is nonsensical? Surely the data in our brain should be jettisoned in the same orderly manner in which it was acquired?

In other words, we should only forget the things we want to forget! Whereas, more often than not, what we forget are the things we really wanted to remember and which now seem to be permanently on the tip of our tongue, just out of reach of our mind.

How often do you find yourself unable to call to mind the name of a composer you knew perfectly well yesterday? How often do you find yourself struggling to name the country next up from Peru, or your eldest daughter's second child? When, to be blunt, did you last strike your forehead and say: "Oh God, my mind is going!" But it is not your mind that is going. It is the contents of your mind that are going! Instead of letting them disappear as they want to, doesn't it make sense to get rid of only the stuff you want to get rid of and to control your forgetting process? For, make no mistake, there is a forgetting process just as surely as there is a learning process. We learn what we want to. Why cannot we forget what we want to? Why must we put up with remembering that damn tune from The Dam Busters and yet forgetting the First Law of Thermodynamics?

Well, now we no longer have to! Thanks to a new process called Memory Removal, YOU can choose exactly which memories to lose, and which to keep. Yes, you can arrest the outward flow of valuable data, and make sure you lose only the mental rubbish you have accumulated in a lifetime of learning.

Once you have mastered the "forgetting process," you can hold on to the vital statistics about the ERM, and forget the pseudo facts thrown about on Question Time. You can continue to remember the lines of poetry you so painstakingly acquired in your youth, yet at the same time wipe from your memory the unnecessary wads of transient stuff from Bob Dylan and Leonard Cohen you unfortunately committed to memory when you knew no better.

To acquire this technique, all you have to do is send a blank cheque to the address given below and we will send you a copy of Memory Removal, which lets you into the secret of how to make every fact in your memory pay its way. At last, if you don't want a memory, you can get rid of it! Truly, your life will be full only of golden memories and vital facts from now on!

From SR, of Trowbridge:

"Thank you, thank you, for sending me the book last month. Acquiring Memory Removal has been the best thing I have ever done in my life. Also, the only thing I have ever done in my life as far as I can remember."

From Mrs CV, of Leeds:

"Ever since I mastered Memory Removal, I have been meaning to write and tell you how much it has enriched my life, and now at last I am. If, on the other hand, I have written to you several times already, please forgive me."