The return of the undead

Share
Related Topics

Fame is a fickle friend. One day you are a household name, the next you have been put out with the household rubbish. One day you are recognised everywhere, the next you are so forgotten that even
Quote Unquote would hesitate to ask you on as a guest. One day you are Rory Bremner, the next you are Mike Yarwood. One day ... but you probably get the idea.

Fame is a fickle friend. One day you are a household name, the next you have been put out with the household rubbish. One day you are recognised everywhere, the next you are so forgotten that even Quote Unquote would hesitate to ask you on as a guest. One day you are Rory Bremner, the next you are Mike Yarwood. One day ... but you probably get the idea.

So today we once again ask the bitter-sweet question: Where Are They Now?

Iain Duncan-Smith

IDS was the only British politician of modern times to become known entirely by his initials. Unfortunately, IDS also stood for many other things such as Intrusion Detection Systems, Internet Database System, Internal Digestive System, Irritable Dental Syndrome, etc, etc. He has now decided that with a better set of initials he could still climb back to the top of the greasy Tory pole and is currently changing his name to give himself better initials.

Germaine Greer

After her recent unfortunate appearance on Celebrity Big Brother, Germaine Greer has decided that she is far too prone to say yes to offers and has decided to cut herself off from humanity altogether to avoid the risk of saying yes to something else. She now roams the woods of one of the Home Counties (which would prefer to remain anonymous), communing with nature and shunning human contact. If you go near her, she will cry out ferociously:

"O come not near

To wild Germaine

That once was mad

But now is sane!

If it's about

A TV show

Go to my agent!

She will say no!"

Michael Barrymore

Michael Barrymore has changed his name to Barry Michaelmore and is launching another comeback.

David Blunkett

The ex-Home Secretary is acting as consultant to a law firm which advises burglars on how much force and violence they can use in the course of going about their business.

Paul Mackenna

Having recently gone into the diet business, the famous hypnotist is now writing a book called: "I can make you buy this book. Just stare at my picture. Keep staring. Now go to the cash desk and say, 'I want to buy this book'. Go on, do it!" by Paul Mackenna.

Janet Street-Porter

She is busy writing and rehearsing another show for presenting at the Edinburgh Fringe this year called I'm a Celebrity - Buy A Ticket And Get In Here!

Ted Heath

Sir Edward Heath is running a tough boot camp in the Hampshire countryside where people who have run the Tory party in the past, or nearly run it, can be trained to have another crack at the title when Michael Howard steps down. YDS (Yann Duncan-Smith) is said to be training there under his new initials. Michael Portillo is said to be training in secret. William Hague is said to be training openly. John Redwood is said to be thinking about training. Ann Widdecombe don't say nothing, she just keeps rolling along.

Saddam Hussein

Since being captured by the coalition forces, Saddam Hussein has not been seen or heard of. The Americans claim that he is safely hidden away, but until evidence is found of this, it is becoming very hard to believe that he actually exists. "We went to war in Iraq on the assumption that they had Saddam Hussein concealed somewhere out there," says John Kerry. "This now looks increasingly unlikely."

The Millennium Bug

After his abject failure to make any headway in 2000, the Millennium Bug had a nervous breakdown and retired for a while, but has now undergone retraining and has taken on small roles as various minor computer blips and glitches. He says he has been offered the part of a major virus in a forthcoming Hollywood film.

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Sustainability Manager

Competitive: The Green Recruitment Company: Job Title: Scheme Manager (BREEAM)...

Graduate Sustainability Professional

Flexible, depending on experience: The Green Recruitment Company: Job Title: T...

Programme Director - Conduct Risk - London

£850 - £950 per day: Orgtel: Programme Director - Conduct Risk - Banking - £85...

Project Coordinator/Order Entry, SC Clear

£100 - £110 per day: Orgtel: Project Coordinator/Order Entry Hampshire

Day In a Page

Read Next
Former N-Dubz singer Tulisa Contostavlos gives a statement outside Southwark Crown Court after her trial  

It would be wrong to compare brave Tulisa’s ordeal with phone hacking. It’s much worse than that

Matthew Norman
The Big Society Network was assessed as  

What became of Cameron's Big Society Network?

Oliver Wright
Some are reformed drug addicts. Some are single mums. All are on benefits. But now these so-called 'scroungers’ are fighting back

The 'scroungers’ fight back

The welfare claimants battling to alter stereotypes
Amazing video shows Nasa 'flame extinguishment experiment' in action

Fireballs in space

Amazing video shows Nasa's 'flame extinguishment experiment' in action
A Bible for billionaires

A Bible for billionaires

Find out why America's richest men are reading John Brookes
Paranoid parenting is on the rise - and our children are suffering because of it

Paranoid parenting is on the rise

And our children are suffering because of it
For sale: Island where the Magna Carta was sealed

Magna Carta Island goes on sale

Yours for a cool £4m
Phone hacking scandal special report: The slide into crime at the 'News of the World'

The hacker's tale: the slide into crime at the 'News of the World'

Glenn Mulcaire was jailed for six months for intercepting phone messages. James Hanning tells his story in a new book. This is an extract
We flinch, but there are degrees of paedophilia

We flinch, but there are degrees of paedophilia

Child abusers are not all the same, yet the idea of treating them differently in relation to the severity of their crimes has somehow become controversial
The truth about conspiracy theories is that some require considering

The truth about conspiracy theories is that some require considering

For instance, did Isis kill the Israeli teenagers to trigger a war, asks Patrick Cockburn
Alistair Carmichael: 'The UK as a whole is greater than the sum of its parts'

Alistair Carmichael: 'The UK as a whole is greater than the sum of its parts'

Meet the man who doesn't want to go down in history as the country's last Scottish Secretary
Legoland Windsor's master model-makers reveal the tricks of their trade (including how to stop the kids wrecking your Eiffel Tower)

Meet the people who play with Lego for a living

They are the master builders: Lego's crack team of model-makers, who have just glued down the last of 650,000 bricks as they recreate Paris in Windsor. Susie Mesure goes behind the scenes
The 20 best days out for the summer holidays: From Spitfires to summer ferry sailings

20 best days out for the summer holidays

From summer ferry sailings in Tyne and Wear and adventure days at Bear Grylls Survival Academy to Spitfires at the Imperial War Museum Duxford and bog-snorkelling at the World Alternative Games...
Open-air theatres: If all the world is a stage, then everyone gets in on the act

All the wood’s a stage

Open-air productions are the cue for better box-office receipts, new audiences, more interesting artistic challenges – and a picnic
Rand Paul is a Republican with an eye on the world

Rupert Cornwell: A Republican with an eye on the world

Rand Paul is laying out his presidential stall by taking on his party's disastrous record on foreign policy
Self-preservation society: Pickles are moving from the side of your plate to become the star dish

Self-preservation society

Pickles are moving from the side of your plate to become the star dish
Generation gap opens a career sinkhole

Britons live ever longer, but still society persists in glorifying youth

We are living longer but considered 'past it' younger, the reshuffle suggests. There may be trouble ahead, says DJ Taylor