Trawling for new jobs all sounds a bit fishy to me

Continuing our occasional series of People With Very Unusual Jobs Indeed. No 73: The Man in Charge of Fishing Diversification

Sir Howard Blenton is the chairman of the Fishing Diversification Board. It has been set up to help fishermen find other jobs at sea. Not many people have heard of it. That is because it has only recently been established. It is also because Howard Blenton is a very laid-back sort of chap.

"People know all about farmers and diversification," says Sir Michael, as he relaxes in his palatial office at FishDiv. "They know that farmers are constantly being urged to give up food production. This is so that we can import cheaper food from abroad, full of pesticides and chemicals and disease. Fair enough. It gives our farmers a chance to use their land for other purposes. For rock festivals, and caravan sites, and holiday lets, and crop circles, and motocross meets, and craft markets, and chutney conventions, and all those other things that make modern Britain the wonderful place it is."

There is a slight twinkle in Sir Howard's eyes, which makes you wonder if he is always being entirely serious.

"But it is easier for farmers to diversify. They have got the land. They have got the landscape, and they have got the buildings. What have fisherfolk got? Their boats and their moorings. Damn all else."

And the sea...

"Well, yes, the sea, but you have to remember they don't own the sea in the same way that a farmer owns land. They can only borrow the sea. So diversification has to take different forms."

What forms?

"Oh, several trawlermen have already converted their trawlers into floating B&Bs. I know one man who had a trawler named Queen of the Ice. It's now called Dunfishing. It was a sturdy little fishing vessel out of Grimsby. Now it's been converted into a natty little bed and breakfast place moored off Skegness."

But who would want to stay in a converted trawler?

"Lots of people, believe you me. People with a sense of adventure. People who want fresh fish for breakfast. People who might want to go to Yarmouth."

"Yarmouth?"

"Sure. When you have a mobile B&B like Dunfishing, you can go to sleep in Skegness and wake up in Yarmouth. Just ask the captain to sail there through the night."

Hmm. What other forms of diversification are there?

"Plenty. I know one trawlerman who has converted his trawler into a floating experience, which he has called Seaworld."

What does it do?

"It goes to sea and gives you a sea experience."

I see. What else?

"Oh, it's becoming very popular for trawlers to be converted into casinos. Gambling laws don't apply outside the 12-mile limit, so there are no restrictions."

The same, I suppose, might apply to film censorship?

"Oh, yes – we have plenty of off-shore trawler cinemas showing adult films from round the world."

And what about sea sports? Can fishermen diversify into sea sports at all?

"Not so easy," says Sir Howard. "I don't know if you've ever tried water-skiing behind a trawler, but you never really get up to optimum speed. Plus, there's a lot of noise and smoke in your face. Plus, lots of seagulls. But one or two ex-trawlers have become floating havens for bird-watchers. The Sea Twitcher plying out of Immingham is a very good example. Of course, diversifying and converting your trawler for a specialised use does cost money, which is where we come in useful, as well as advising the trawlermen on the law."

What sort of legal problems do they run into?

"Oh, well, you could imagine that if ex-trawlermen wanted to get into a profitable but frowned-upon activity such as illegal-immigrant smuggling or drug-running, we would have to advise them heavily against it."

And if they didn't listen to your advice?

"We would then have to help them keep a low profile. Mum's the word."

And at this, Sir Howard Blenton grins and gives me a meaningful, cheery wink.