Who knew that when Trekkie Jim Davidson learnt of Patrick Stewart's support for the Labour Party, he wept? He sobbed his heart out because Captain Jean-Luc Picard in Star Trek: The Next Generation is a leftie or "do-goody, leftie, white, socialist hybrid", as Davidson prefers to call all Labour voters.
This is not the only recorded show of Jim's devotion to the Conservative cause. In 2004, citing the horrors of multicultural life (though the tax difficulties that later led to bankruptcy played a part), he did what so many loveably right-wing celebs used to threaten under a Labour government, and fled the country. He boldly went where no racist, wife-beating, gay-bashing, disabled-baiting comic had gone before, and repaired to Dubai. "I may as well go and be an ethnic minority there," explained Jim, "than wait five years till I become one here."
In light of his recent arrest under Operation Yewtree, which Jim had presciently dismissed as "a bit silly" and "a celebrity witch-hunt", perhaps he should have stayed there. Since returning in 2010, the only belly laugh 'Nick-Nick' has induced came when he was nicked-nicked.
There have been no charges, and God willing never will be. But any hopes of reviving his career, let alone of winning a role in a future Star Trek series, look illogical (captain). The closest he will come to the bridge of the USS Enterprise, it seems, is having once worked on a long forgotten sitcom, Up the Elephant and Round the Castle, with Marina Sirtis, who went on to play Picard's telepathic ship's counsellor, Deanna Troi.
The final frontier's loss has been Britain's bounteous gain. He will always be remembered for many contributions to national life, not least writing with such gainly wit about one of the wife beatings. "On the first occasion, I poked her in the eye by accident," he wrote in his 1993 autobiography, The Full Monty. "I actually went for the mouth. Thank heaven I missed, I'd have fallen in … The second time, I gave her a shiner. I threw a bunch of keys, which whacked her in the eye. Just for a giggle she kept blackening it up to make it look worse."
And just for a giggle, Jim, we'd like you to know that Patrick Stewart is not only a proud "emotional socialist", he is also a tireless worker for Refuge, a charity devoted to the victims of domestic violence.