Rebecca Tyrrel: It does seem a shame that Gwynnie denies her kids ‘Bugs Bunny’ in Hebrew

 

Share
Related Topics

Who knew that Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin only allow their children to watch TV in French and Spanish? Speaking to the Indian TV channel NDTV, presumably in neither Sanskrit nor Hindi, Gwynnie explained, "When I'm in France I go to Boulevard Beaumarchais and buy all their cartoons".

Her eight-year-old daughter, Apple, is "cross" about this, she admits, and you might safely guess that Moses, six, feels the same as his sister. Even the playground hilarity that Noddy is known in French as 'Oui Oui' might not compensate for having no idea what Big Ears is saying to him.

If there is a mystery about the Paltrow-Martin Television Tower of Babel, it is the apparent absence of any kids' TV shows in Jewish tongues. Not long ago this descendant on her father's side of Polish rabbis – a devout follower of Kabbalah, of course, in common with her best frenemy Madonna – took the decision to raise them in the faith. It does seem a bit of a shame, if not a wilful act of negligence, to deny the kids the Hebrew version of Bugs Bunny, and the Yiddish version of Wacky Races in which Dick Dastardly mutters a dispirited "Oy vey" after yet another disaster, and screams "You meshuggeneh" at Muttley.

That curious oversight apart, Gwynnie's commitment to motherhood knows no bounds, keeping a close eye out, as she does, for contraband English-language Tom and Jerry DVDs. She also finds time for her website, goop.com, which she founded a few years ago with the noble aim of "curating the best of lifestyle". Among this week's 'small bites' is a recipe for that timeless children's favourite, avocado on rice cracker ('Preparation: Place sliced avocado evenly on rice cracker, feeling free to muddle a bit to fit the shape of the cracker…').

One day soon, Apple and Moses will become grateful to their mother for her typically unpretentious approach to life and parenting. It isn't every pre-teen who can come out with a perfectly accented "Mum, I cannot and will not tolerate another morsel of this macrobiotic filth. Call Domino's this instant and get me an American Hot" in three different languages. Knowing the French for, "My mother is the most affected woman on the planet", and the Spanish for, "If my mother was one iota more smug, she'd be Gyles Brandreth with breasts", might just come in handy as well.

React Now

  • Get to the point
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Ashdown Group: Senior Accounts Assistant - Accounts Payable - St. Albans

£26000 - £28000 per annum + benefits : Ashdown Group: Senior Accounts Assistan...

Ashdown Group: Treasury Assistant - Accounts Assistant - London, Old Street

£24000 - £26000 per annum + benefits : Ashdown Group: A highly successful, glo...

Recruitment Genius: Installation and Service / Security Engineer

£22000 - £40000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This company is part of a Group...

Recruitment Genius: Service Charge Accounts Assistant

£16000 - £18000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: Are you a a young, dynamic pers...

Day In a Page

Read Next
 

Errors & Omissions: Outgunned by a lack of military knowledge

Guy Keleny
Ukip leader Nigel Farage in Tiny Tim’s tea shop while canvassing in Rochester this week  

General Election 2015: What on earth happened to Ukip?

Matthew Norman
General Election 2015: Chuka Umunna on the benefits of immigration, humility – and his leader Ed Miliband

Chuka Umunna: A virus of racism runs through Ukip

The shadow business secretary on the benefits of immigration, humility – and his leader Ed Miliband
Yemen crisis: This exotic war will soon become Europe's problem

Yemen's exotic war will soon affect Europe

Terrorism and boatloads of desperate migrants will be the outcome of the Saudi air campaign, says Patrick Cockburn
Marginal Streets project aims to document voters in the run-up to the General Election

Marginal Streets project documents voters

Independent photographers Joseph Fox and Orlando Gili are uploading two portraits of constituents to their website for each day of the campaign
Game of Thrones: Visit the real-life kingdom of Westeros to see where violent history ends and telly tourism begins

The real-life kingdom of Westeros

Is there something a little uncomfortable about Game of Thrones shooting in Northern Ireland?
How to survive a social-media mauling, by the tough women of Twitter

How to survive a Twitter mauling

Mary Beard, Caroline Criado-Perez, Louise Mensch, Bunny La Roche and Courtney Barrasford reveal how to trounce the trolls
Gallipoli centenary: At dawn, the young remember the young who perished in one of the First World War's bloodiest battles

At dawn, the young remember the young

A century ago, soldiers of the Empire – many no more than boys – spilt on to Gallipoli’s beaches. On this 100th Anzac Day, there are personal, poetic tributes to their sacrifice
Dissent is slowly building against the billions spent on presidential campaigns – even among politicians themselves

Follow the money as never before

Dissent is slowly building against the billions spent on presidential campaigns – even among politicians themselves, reports Rupert Cornwell
Samuel West interview: The actor and director on austerity, unionisation, and not mentioning his famous parents

Samuel West interview

The actor and director on austerity, unionisation, and not mentioning his famous parents
General Election 2015: Imagine if the leading political parties were fashion labels

Imagine if the leading political parties were fashion labels

Fashion editor, Alexander Fury, on what the leaders' appearances tell us about them
Phumzile Mlambo-Ngcuka: Home can be the unsafest place for women

Phumzile Mlambo-Ngcuka: Home can be the unsafest place for women

The architect of the HeForShe movement and head of UN Women on the world's failure to combat domestic violence
Public relations as 'art'? Surely not

Confessions of a former PR man

The 'art' of public relations is being celebrated by the V&A museum, triggering some happy memories for DJ Taylor
Bill Granger recipes: Our chef succumbs to his sugar cravings with super-luxurious sweet treats

Bill Granger's luxurious sweet treats

Our chef loves to stop for 30 minutes to catch up on the day's gossip, while nibbling on something sweet
London Marathon 2015: Paula Radcliffe and the mother of all goodbyes

The mother of all goodbyes

Paula Radcliffe's farewell to the London Marathon will be a family affair
Everton vs Manchester United: Steven Naismith demands 'better' if Toffees are to upset the odds against United

Steven Naismith: 'We know we must do better'

The Everton forward explains the reasons behind club's decline this season
Arsenal vs Chelsea: Praise to Arsene Wenger for having the courage of his convictions

Michael Calvin's Last Word

Praise to Wenger for having the courage of his convictions