Rebecca Tyrrel: It does seem a shame that Gwynnie denies her kids ‘Bugs Bunny’ in Hebrew

 

Share
Related Topics

Who knew that Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin only allow their children to watch TV in French and Spanish? Speaking to the Indian TV channel NDTV, presumably in neither Sanskrit nor Hindi, Gwynnie explained, "When I'm in France I go to Boulevard Beaumarchais and buy all their cartoons".

Her eight-year-old daughter, Apple, is "cross" about this, she admits, and you might safely guess that Moses, six, feels the same as his sister. Even the playground hilarity that Noddy is known in French as 'Oui Oui' might not compensate for having no idea what Big Ears is saying to him.

If there is a mystery about the Paltrow-Martin Television Tower of Babel, it is the apparent absence of any kids' TV shows in Jewish tongues. Not long ago this descendant on her father's side of Polish rabbis – a devout follower of Kabbalah, of course, in common with her best frenemy Madonna – took the decision to raise them in the faith. It does seem a bit of a shame, if not a wilful act of negligence, to deny the kids the Hebrew version of Bugs Bunny, and the Yiddish version of Wacky Races in which Dick Dastardly mutters a dispirited "Oy vey" after yet another disaster, and screams "You meshuggeneh" at Muttley.

That curious oversight apart, Gwynnie's commitment to motherhood knows no bounds, keeping a close eye out, as she does, for contraband English-language Tom and Jerry DVDs. She also finds time for her website, goop.com, which she founded a few years ago with the noble aim of "curating the best of lifestyle". Among this week's 'small bites' is a recipe for that timeless children's favourite, avocado on rice cracker ('Preparation: Place sliced avocado evenly on rice cracker, feeling free to muddle a bit to fit the shape of the cracker…').

One day soon, Apple and Moses will become grateful to their mother for her typically unpretentious approach to life and parenting. It isn't every pre-teen who can come out with a perfectly accented "Mum, I cannot and will not tolerate another morsel of this macrobiotic filth. Call Domino's this instant and get me an American Hot" in three different languages. Knowing the French for, "My mother is the most affected woman on the planet", and the Spanish for, "If my mother was one iota more smug, she'd be Gyles Brandreth with breasts", might just come in handy as well.

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Head of Marketing and Communications - London - up to £80,000

£70000 - £80000 per annum: Ashdown Group: Group Head of Marketing and Communic...

Nursery Nurse

Negotiable: Randstad Education Manchester: Level 3 Nursery Nurse required for ...

Nursery Nurse

Negotiable: Randstad Education Manchester: L3 Nursery Nurses urgently required...

SEN Teaching Assistant

Negotiable: Randstad Education Manchester: We have a number of schools based S...

Day In a Page

Read Next
Noddy Holder must be glad he wrote 'Merry Xmas Everybody' as he'll earn £800,000 this year from royalties.  

Noddy Holder: A true rock ’n’ roll hero, and a role model for sensible people everywhere

Rosie Millard
Ian Paisley used to pick out journalists in his congregation  

The Only Way is Ethics: Ian Paisley is rightly remembered for his intransigence

Will Gore
Scottish referendum: The Yes vote was the love that dared speak its name, but it was not to be

Despite the result, this is the end of the status quo

Boyd Tonkin on the fall-out from the Scottish referendum
Manolo Blahnik: The high priest of heels talks flats, Englishness, and why he loves Mary Beard

Manolo Blahnik: Flats, Englishness, and Mary Beard

The shoe designer who has been dubbed 'the patron saint of the stiletto'
The Beatles biographer reveals exclusive original manuscripts of some of the best pop songs ever written

Scrambled eggs and LSD

Behind The Beatles' lyrics - thanks to Hunter Davis's original manuscript copies
'Normcore' fashion: Blending in is the new standing out in latest catwalk non-trend

'Normcore': Blending in is the new standing out

Just when fashion was in grave danger of running out of trends, it only went and invented the non-trend. Rebecca Gonsalves investigates
Dance’s new leading ladies fight back: How female vocalists are now writing their own hits

New leading ladies of dance fight back

How female vocalists are now writing their own hits
Mystery of the Ground Zero wedding photo

A shot in the dark

Mystery of the wedding photo from Ground Zero
His life, the universe and everything

His life, the universe and everything

New biography sheds light on comic genius of Douglas Adams
Save us from small screen superheroes

Save us from small screen superheroes

Shows like Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D are little more than marketing tools
Reach for the skies

Reach for the skies

From pools to football pitches, rooftop living is looking up
These are the 12 best hotel spas in the UK

12 best hotel spas in the UK

Some hotels go all out on facilities; others stand out for the sheer quality of treatments
These Iranian-controlled Shia militias used to specialise in killing American soldiers. Now they are fighting Isis, backed up by US airstrikes

Widespread fear of Isis is producing strange bedfellows

Iranian-controlled Shia militias that used to kill American soldiers are now fighting Isis, helped by US airstrikes
Topshop goes part Athena poster, part last spring Prada

Topshop goes part Athena poster, part last spring Prada

Shoppers don't come to Topshop for the unique
How to make a Lego masterpiece

How to make a Lego masterpiece

Toy breaks out of the nursery and heads for the gallery
Meet the ‘Endies’ – city dwellers who are too poor to have fun

Meet the ‘Endies’ – city dwellers who are too poor to have fun

Urbanites are cursed with an acronym pointing to Employed but No Disposable Income or Savings
Paisley’s decision to make peace with IRA enemies might remind the Arabs of Sadat

Ian Paisley’s decision to make peace with his IRA enemies

His Save Ulster from Sodomy campaign would surely have been supported by many a Sunni imam