Rebecca Tyrrel: Lady Gaga says that she went trouser-less to help her gran make her out on TV

 

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Who knew that Lady Gaga is mad for darts? The singer, songwriter, producer, dancer, actress, humanitarian activist, perfumier and Eric Bristow manquée is not one of those celeb bandwagon-jumpers who shows up at televised events because 'arrows' is the "new rock'n'roll". Stefani Germanotta is a keen player who recently joined the Californian darts league of her model-actor boyfriend, Taylor Kinney. Or Phil 'The Power' Taylor Kinney as he perhaps should be known.

Gaga is a lifelong player, she told a white, moustachioed, sixtysomething American blogger who calls himself Dartoid, during a trouser-less interview in which Gaga also explained that she appears like this in public because it helps "my grandmother, who is almost blind … make out the lighter parts of me when I'm on television. I'll continue to wear no pants so that my grandma can see me.

Also, I think no pants is sexy. Don't you?". Dartoid agreed, and after granting his request to touch his leg ("Holy frickin' crap!"), Gaga returned to the matter in hand. "I had a board in my room when I was a little girl. It wasn't a real board. The darts," she added over Jameson Irish whiskies in the Prince of Whales (sic) bar near Los Angeles airport, "were those plastic rubber thingies. I used to throw them when I was supposed to be doing homework."

The two then unpacked their darts – "She had a nice set. 34Bs," observed Dartoid, confirming that the game still lags a little way behind mainstream neo-feminist thinking – and took to the oche. With opening scores of 45 and 41, to Dartoid's 85 and 140, Gaga seemed not to be on the edge (the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge) of darting glory. However, eye-witness accounts from the darts league insist that "she took half of them down" – the other players, presumably, not her shorts – while Dartoid concluded that, "She's a decent shot, and a good sport".

Whatever next for renaissance Gaga? Her controversial bra fashioned from two assault rifles, especially meaningful as Obama tackles gun control, could fire plastic rubber thingies when she takes on the three-times World Champion, Anastasia Dobromyslova. Failing that, there'll always be a place for a glamorous young woman who refuses to wear trousers as a darts walk-on girl beside the more conventional, obese brand of player. Grandma would be thrilled.

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