Rebecca Tyrrel: Shirley MacLaine's poems should whet the appetite of any Hallmark talent scouts

Share
Related Topics

Who knew that Shirley MacLaine has insured herself, to the tune of $25 million, against being abducted by aliens? With almost any other Hollywood actor, you might have dismissed the report, in a US magazine, as fanciful. With Warren Beatty's older sister, it makes perfect sense, which is of course something all too seldom to be said for Shirley herself.

She is a devout believer in UFOs, which she has spotted from her home in New Mexico. A visit to her website uncovers a poem to confirm this. "UFOs are real you know, they have an eerie glow", runs the first of seven verses to whet the appetite of any Hallmark greetings card talent scout. "They have been seen in every state (by those who tell us so)".

More famously, Shirley is also a champion of reincarnation. Among an impressive, varied quartet of previous lives, as she confides in a book rashly entitled, I'm Over All That, was a stint as a Moorish lover of Charlemagne, and an earlier manifestation as a member of the pre-Atlantis 'Lemurian' civilisation – a curious race which, despite being hermaphrodites, chose to procreate through the power of meditation.

The extent of alien involvement in Lemutian culture is unknown, though some distant memory may well explain why she pays an annual fee to an insurance firm (quite possibly the Texas-based UFO Abduction Insurance Company) to ensure compensation in the event of being forcibly removed to a galaxy far, far away.

She is not the only earthling with such a policy (more than 20,000 Americans have taken out insurance of the kind). Ronald Reagan once returned from a trip in his Cessna plane to tell Nancy that he had seen a flying saucer up there – such a relaxing thought for us while his fingers hovered over the nuclear codes.

Shirley has not seen an actual alien herself, unlike the friend she says was "hoovered up" by a passing craft while sitting in a hot tub, but it is only a matter of time. One among so many mysteries is exactly how the $25m will be claimed, possibly the likeliest answer being that one of her captors will beam down to Texas and introduce itself with the time-honoured C-movie line, "Take me to your leading loss adjustor". Another is whether any alien life form has insured itself against mistakenly abducting MacLaine. If not, it can only be because it cannot afford the sky-high premiums.

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Volunteer Mentor for people who have offended

This is an unpaid volunteer role. : Belong: We are looking for volunteers who ...

SEN Teaching Assistant

£17000 - £18000 per annum: Randstad Education Group: Experienced TA's urgently...

Business StudiesTeacher

£100 - £110 per day: Randstad Education Group: Supply Business Studies Teacher...

English Teacher

£110 - £125 per day: Randstad Education Cardiff: English Teacher - CaerphillyT...

Day In a Page

Read Next
 

Daily catch-up: Cameron’s speech, his place in history, and the Pedant Club

John Rentoul
 

Why Facebook won't be feeling threatened by Ello...yet

Ed Rex
Italian couples fake UK divorce scam on an ‘industrial scale’

Welcome to Maidenhead, the divorce capital of... Italy

A look at the the legal tourists who exploited our liberal dissolution rules
Tom and Jerry cartoons now carry a 'racial prejudice' warning on Amazon

Tom and Jerry cartoons now carry a 'racial prejudice' warning on Amazon

The vintage series has often been criticised for racial stereotyping
An app for the amorous: Could Good2Go end disputes about sexual consent - without being a passion-killer?

An app for the amorous

Could Good2Go end disputes about sexual consent - without being a passion-killer?
Llansanffraid is now Llansantffraid. Welsh town changes its name, but can you spot the difference?

Llansanffraid is now Llansantffraid

Welsh town changes its name, but can you spot the difference?
Charlotte Riley: At the peak of her powers

Charlotte Riley: At the peak of her powers

After a few early missteps with Chekhov, her acting career has taken her to Hollywood. Next up is a role in the BBC’s gangster drama ‘Peaky Blinders’
She's having a laugh: Britain's female comedians have never had it so good

She's having a laugh

Britain's female comedians have never had it so good, says stand-up Natalie Haynes
Sistine Chapel to ‘sing’ with new LED lights designed to bring Michelangelo’s masterpiece out of the shadows

Let there be light

Sistine Chapel to ‘sing’ with new LEDs designed to bring Michelangelo’s masterpiece out of the shadows
Great British Bake Off, semi-final, review: Richard remains the baker to beat

Tensions rise in Bake Off's pastry week

Richard remains the baker to beat as Chetna begins to flake
Paris Fashion Week, spring/summer 2015: Time travel fashion at Louis Vuitton in Paris

A look to the future

It's time travel fashion at Louis Vuitton in Paris
The 10 best bedspreads

The 10 best bedspreads

Before you up the tog count on your duvet, add an extra layer and a room-changing piece to your bed this autumn
Arsenal vs Galatasaray: Five things we learnt from the Emirates

Arsenal vs Galatasaray

Five things we learnt from the Gunners' Champions League victory at the Emirates
Stuart Lancaster’s long-term deal makes sense – a rarity for a decision taken by the RFU

Lancaster’s long-term deal makes sense – a rarity for a decision taken by the RFU

This deal gives England a head-start to prepare for 2019 World Cup, says Chris Hewett
Ebola outbreak: The children orphaned by the virus – then rejected by surviving relatives over fear of infection

The children orphaned by Ebola...

... then rejected by surviving relatives over fear of infection
Pride: Are censors pandering to homophobia?

Are censors pandering to homophobia?

US film censors have ruled 'Pride' unfit for under-16s, though it contains no sex or violence
The magic of roundabouts

Lords of the rings

Just who are the Roundabout Appreciation Society?