Ban on mankinis is good news for stags

Tales from the Water Cooler
  • @timwalker

The mankini is the fake plastic tits du jour. Famously donned on a beach in Cannes by Sacha Baron Cohen, for publicity purposes in the run-up to the 2006 release of Borat, this monstrous, neon-green bathing suit has since become every stag party's signature outfit. At Wayne Rooney's pre-wedding do in Ibiza, two years later, the footballer was reportedly forced to fill one himself. (There are no pictures of that on the internet, thankfully.)

Official Borat Mankini Thongs can still be purchased via Amazon for the knock-down price of £4.49, and doubtless sell like hot pies to best men across the land.

But now one town has taken a welcome stand: Newquay in Cornwall, the staycationer's stag alternative to Tallinn, has banned mankinis, fake penises and other "inappropriate clothing" from its streets, and police say the move has significantly reduced anti-social behaviour. "There is nothing pleasant about seeing anybody in a mankini," said Devon and Cornwall superintendent Julie Whitmarsh, adding: "We have had a real crackdown on the fake penises."

My own stag, which took place a fortnight ago (though it seems like yesterday), was a blissfully civilised affair, featuring very little ritual humiliation. I did get beaten at go-karting before the first drink of the day, but, from what I can recall, I remained fully clothed for the whole 14 hours or so that followed. Had I been forced to wear a dress, endure the brandishing of genital-themed apparatus, or swap my jeans for budgie-smugglers, I might have been tempted to disinvite my ushers. Banning mankinis might make stag dos less fun for the best men, but it'll make them a darn sight more pleasant for the stag.