- Wednesday 19 June 2013
- My Account
- Logout
- Register
- Login
Saturday 23 August 2008
Will Self: Slip slidin’away
PsychoGeography: Beyond Bridlington things got – as Alice would say – curiouser and curiouser
I conceived the idea of walking from Flamborough Head to Spurn Head, along the Holderness coast of East Yorkshire. It was about 60 miles and I could do it comfortably over three days. Why this walk along this coast? Well, the soil here – loess or clay – was deposited during the last ice age, and ever since then the longshore drift has been carrying it away to the south. The Holderness is, in point of fact, the fastest-eroding coast in Europe, with some six feet a year being lost to the North Sea.
I have distinct childhood memories of watching Nationwide, the BBC's evening TV current-affairs programme, and seeing the folksy presenter, Michael Barratt, with his distinctive 1970s hairstyle (like an ice-cream, melting asymmetrically over his brows), interviewing some poor householder who was sitting in one half of a room, while the other half had disappeared into a local void. "I can't oonderstand it," the householder was saying, with broad Yorkshire vowels. "I oonly poot those UPV windows in laast year and now loook what's 'appened!" To which – I understood even aged 12 – the only possible reply was: "Why the hell did you buy a house on the edge of a cliff, then?"
True, these may be screen memories of a screen – but the erosion was real enough. In January of this year there was a photo in The Independent of a house about to topple over the cliffs at Skipsea Sands, a third of the way along the coast, and that decided me: I would do the walk. I thought it would be strange enough seeing all these homeowners of the abyss, but stranger still was the notion that if I travelled the whole way within six feet of the cliff – or better still on the foreshore – I would be taking a walk that no one would ever be able to reproduce, because the very land itself would've disappeared within months.
Flamborough Head and Spurn Head are place names well enough known, as is the resort of Bridlington, but the rest of the coast – apart from its disappearing act – has no public profile at all. Perhaps it was this constant erasure that made it so secret? Half a mile or more had gone since the Roman era, scores of towns and villages had been inundated since Medieval times – could it be that such an ongoing diminution of once mighty, if always tiny, Albion was too much for us to face?
I left the train at Bempton and set off along roads, because there were no direct paths marked on the map. As ever under these circumstances, I feared for my life: in rural England the walker and the driver are pitted against one another: flesh versus steel; and while pedestrians may be a little self-righteous, it's nothing to compare with The Divine Right of Cars. Still, the fields were full of ripening wheat, the hedgerows with brambles, there were larks in the sky and soon enough I reached the bird reserve at the end of Flamborough Head, turning south-west past the white-painted lighthouse and along the grassy path beside chalk cliffs.
So far so conventional: cliffs a couple of hundred feet high, Bridlington with its Ferris wheel and roller coaster standing out five miles away in the haze. I walked on at a brisk pace, the cliff ever declining, until I reached the outskirts of the Victorian town, and strolled, a strange revenant, through its holiday crowds: the young people eating fat and sugar, the old and obese sitting in their electric wheelchairs, one of which was blazoned "Woodcock Assisted Mobility". But beyond Bridlington things got – as Alice would say – curiouser and curiouser. Soon enough the bathers and sand castle construction teams faded, the beach widened to half a mile or so, and there were men flying enormous kites, their parenthetic shapes bracketing sections of blue sky.
Flamborough and Spurn Heads were also shaped like two apostrophes, perhaps everything in between them was in quotes – or worse, ironised? There were concrete dragon's teeth strewn along the sands like the martial building blocks of gargantuan children, there were tip-tilting pillboxes on the bluffs above the beach, and suddenly I was entirely alone in all this sky, sand, loess and wheat.
I plodded on throughout the long, hot afternoon, while the chocolate bluffs mounted into cliffs and the concrete rubble on the beach grew and mutated. At about six I began to see the first struts and girders poking from the clay cliff, slippages of fresh earth marking the sign of recent falls, and sometimes sticking out from these, prosaic detritus: a sheet of galvanised iron, a roll of linoleum, a course of red bricks still mortared together – all of it instant archaeology. Chunky lumps of sea-rounded bitumen lay about on the beach, the biscuity remains of roadways dunked in the waves.
To be continued next week...
-
Is their marriage our business? No. But Charles Saatchi's row with Nigella Lawson is definitely news
Simon Kelner -
Russell Brand lets loose on MSNBC hosts in promo interview for Messiah Complex tour
-
The Daily Cartoon
-
We never knew Nigella Lawson - and we still don’t
Ellen E Jones -
This isn’t ending world hunger. It’s just a sham
Ian Birrell
-
Russell Brand lets loose on MSNBC hosts in promo interview for Messiah Complex tour
-
The Girl Guides have nothing to do with religion and they never have done
-
Letters: Islam and assaults on women
-
Debate: Should bad bankers be jailed?
-
A message to anyone involved in education: stop underestimating children
-
Editorial: By the waters of Lough Erne
How will you make today delicious?
Tell us how you plan to make today delicious and you could win a £50 M&S gift card.
Win a Nook® Simple Touch eReader
Find out how Nook® is supporting the Evening Standard's Get Reading campaign - and your chance to win one.
Free reading festival for families
Follow The Standard's campaign to get London's children reading - and experience this unique event at Trafalgar Square on 13 July.
Enter the latest Independent competitions
Win anything from gadgets to five-star holidays on our competitions and offers page.
Business videos from commercial thought leaders
Watch the best in the business world give their insights into the world of business.
Related Articles
-
Health chief criticised by anti-cuts campaigners for 'out of touch' Superman video
-
Hannah England: I've got the right times – now to focus on the chess
-
13 is lucky for some: Black Sabbath and Ozzy Osbourne back at top of album charts after 43 years
-
US Open 2013: Wicked pins leave Lee Westwood feeling like a basket case
Get the best in opinion from Independent Voices, straight to your inbox every Thursday lunchtime.
Subscribe
Amol Rajan
A weekly update from the Editor
iJobs General
Lighting Design Engineer
£33000 - £35000 Per Annum: The Green Recruitment Company: The Green Recruitmen...
Are you a Primary School Teacher in the Clacton area?
£110 - £135 per day: Randstad Education Chelmsford: Teaching opportunites in t...
September teaching roles - Primary
£21000 - £32000 per annum: Randstad Education Chelmsford: Primary Teaching opp...
Primary Teaching vacancies, starting in September - Southend
£21000 - £32000 per annum: Randstad Education Chelmsford: Primary School teach...
Day In a Page
First night: The Cripple of Inishmaan
Scandi-geeks descend on Nordicana for fan-convention
Female aristocrats battle to inherit the title


