It's your Prime Minister here. Or rather not here. As you probably know, I've taken a few days off to spend half term with the kids, or, as they say in The Sun, I've "jetted off for a sun-soaked holiday on party island Ibiza". Party island? Sun-soaked? That's a joke. The weather's not bad, although I noticed yesterday that the temperature here was the same as Inverness, but there'll be no partying for the Camerons.
Much against Sam's wishes, I've brought a couple of helpers with me so I can spend a few hours every day going through my red box, and the Blackberry has been going like crazy all hours of the day and night. I know the timing's not perfect (when is it ever?) but I'm bit bemused by all the bad publicity about my going away. I never thought you'd miss me quite so much. I quite like the idea that you think the country is going to fall apart if I'm not there.
I don't know what you imagine a Prime Minister does, but the apparatus of state, which has been built up over centuries, is enough to withstand most crises. And if it's executive decisions that are needed...well, as I said, my Blackberry is always on (although I do have it on "vibrate only", under my pillow at night).
The fact is that I believe it's better for you - the people of the United Kingdom - if your Prime Minister is a rounded human being with a relatively normal family life who doesn't just exist in a bubble of privilege. For instance, we flew here on EasyJet (I did pay for speedy boarding, however) and we've paid with our own money to rent the villa (in contrast with one or two of my predecessors, you may recall).
My children are very important to me, and I think it's as important to do my job as their father as it is to be your PM. Surely, you wouldn't begrudge me a few days of quality time with them at half term. And by the way, I would like to know where the editors of those newspapers who have been giving me such a hard time are this week. Cornwall? Scotland? As Nadine Dorries pointed out (in a rare moment of clarity and good sense), it would take me less time to get back to my desk in Downing Street from here. So I really can't see what all the fuss is about.
If you were a conspiracy theorist - which, of course, I'm not - you might think that there's a hidden reason why the papers are all having a go at me at this time. Could it be anything to do with my position on the Leveson Report? I know they were cross about the fact that we included Hugh Grant in the discussions and they are upset about all the Royal Charter shenanigans, but surely that's not enough for them to turn on me over such an insignificant matter like taking a short holiday. The British Press would never act in such a petty and vindictive way. Yes, you're right...I may have had too much sun.