An Ode to 2012

The year that royal diamond turned to Olympic gold

Share
Related Topics

As we come to the end of a year

Which gave us all something to cheer

In Mo, Brad and Jess

We found heroes, no less

Tonight, to them, raise a beer

For a few golden weeks in the sun
We showed the world how to swim, jump and run
Our Olympians soared
The crowds cheered and roared
(But mainly when a Briton had won)

Yes, we felt proud once more of our nation
Lord Coe took a standing ovation
And even Mayor Boris
When not quoting Horace
Kept it up for the entire duration

On the first night, said Danny Boyle
We'll come together, common and royal
That much was clear
From his central idea
Of casting Bond with the Queen as his foil

It was euphoria from the word go
The crowd clapped and cheered home our Mo
But the cost of the seats
Was two hundred sheets
So for most, it was Gary, Clare Balding and co

Her Maj had warmed up for her role
With a Jubilee concert quite droll
She thought very highly
Of Gary and Kylie
And was delighted to meet Cheryl Cole

This was indeed a time for The Queen
To make sure she was heard and seen
Sixty years, quite a feat
All those people to meet
She'll need a rest in Twenty-thirteen

Long may she reign was the refrain
As she sailed the Thames in the rain
It could drive one insane
Hearing Macca again
But not once did you hear her complain

Meanwhile, a princess brought tidings of joy
But was it to be a girl or a boy?
Are twins on the way?
Wayne and Chardonnay?
In this matter, Kate was understandably coy

But all this was a glorious distraction
From a time of economic contraction
In the States, they're scared stiff
Of the dread fiscal cliff
While in Europe austerity gained real traction

In Athens there was civil unrest
We're in trouble, the Italians confessed
From Ireland to Spain
One thing was made plain
The fact that the Germans know best

In Britain, we know who to blame
George Osborne, isn't that his name?
While the right pays homage
To Nigel Farage
Who's having his five minutes of fame

On one thing, we all could agree
This year diminished the BBC
There were lies, obfuscation
And a damaged reputation
No wonder they sacked the DG

Two-zero-twelve was the year of our Lord
That's Leveson who just jawed and jawed
About self-regulation
And then defamation
To the point where we all got quite bored

The celebs were given their day
And the editors went out of their way
To show some remorse
We'll change, of course
No longer the coppers we'll pay

The PM took the stand as well
But it turned into a day from Hell
You're aware how it looks
When you sign off to Brooks
Yours Dave, kiss, kiss, kiss, L.O.L

Over Leveson the Coalition divided
With the papers, the PM now sided
But with egg on his face
And Clegg on his case
The year ended with nothing decided

The Met's reputation, too, turned to dust
When they told us a minister had cussed
Plebs was the word
We definitely heard
But it was their word we just couldn't trust

For America the truth may be dawning
About guns: Do they need any more warning?
But the debate was distorted
Get Piers Morgan deported!
They screamed, with a nation still deep in mourning

In democracy's great panorama
The year's big election lacked drama
Giving the people a voice
Meant only one choice
That's James Arthur, not Barack Obama

In football, we were so very excited
And much of the country delighted
With passions inflamed
The title was claimed
And not by Manchester United

It was also the year of the tweet
When millions more got with the beat
But handle with care
Don't defame, don't swear,
Or if you do, like Sally Bercow, press delete

Twitter is now the news of the world
Where so many thoughts are unfurled
From Dame Judi Dench
To Louise Mensch
Who found out it's where insults are hurled

At the end of the day, as they say
This has not been a year to make hay
The economy's stalling
The rain keeps on falling
And you still can't wed if you're gay

But it all could have turned out much worse
For the Mayans gave a warning quite terse
Of impending doom
But the world didn't go "Boom!"
So the year ends not with a bang, but a verse

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Senior Data Scientist (Data Mining, RSPSS, R, AI, CPLEX, SQL)

£60000 - £70000 per annum + Benefits + Bonus: Harrington Starr: Senior Data Sc...

Law Costs

Highly Attractive Salary: Austen Lloyd: BRISTOL - This is a very unusual law c...

Junior VB.NET Application Developer (ASP.NET, SQL, Graduate)

£28000 - £30000 per annum + Benefits + Bonus: Harrington Starr: Junior VB.NET ...

C# .NET Web Developer (ASP.NET, JavaScript, jQuery, XML, XLST)

£40000 - £50000 per annum + Benefits + Bonus: Harrington Starr: C# .NET Web De...

Day In a Page

Read Next
 

Get well soon, Joan Rivers - an inspiration, whether she likes it or not

Ellen E Jones
Scientists have discovered the perfect cheese for pizzas (it's mozzarella)  

Life of pie: Hard cheese for academics

Simmy Richman
The other Mugabe who is lining up for the Zimbabwean presidency

The other Mugabe who is lining up for the Zimbabwean presidency

Wife of President Robert Mugabe appears to have her sights set on succeeding her husband
The model of a gadget launch: Cultivate an atmosphere of mystery and excitement to sell stuff people didn't realise they needed

The model for a gadget launch

Cultivate an atmosphere of mystery and excitement to sell stuff people didn't realise they needed
Alice Roberts: She's done pretty well, for a boffin without a beard

She's done pretty well, for a boffin without a beard

Alice Roberts talks about her new book on evolution - and why her early TV work drew flak from (mostly male) colleagues
Get well soon, Joan Rivers - an inspiration, whether she likes it or not

Get well soon, Joan Rivers

She is awful. But she's also wonderful, not in spite of but because of the fact she's forever saying appalling things, argues Ellen E Jones
Doctor Who Into the Dalek review: A classic sci-fi adventure with all the spectacle of a blockbuster

A fresh take on an old foe

Doctor Who Into the Dalek more than compensated for last week's nonsensical offering
Fashion walks away from the celebrity runway show

Fashion walks away from the celebrity runway show

As the collections start, fashion editor Alexander Fury finds video and the internet are proving more attractive
Meet the stars of TV's Wolf Hall... and it's not the cast of the Tudor trilogy

Meet the stars of TV's Wolf Hall...

... and it's not the cast of the Tudor trilogy
Weekend at the Asylum: Europe's biggest steampunk convention heads to Lincoln

Europe's biggest steampunk convention

Jake Wallis Simons discovers how Victorian ray guns and the martial art of biscuit dunking are precisely what the 21st century needs
Don't swallow the tripe – a user's guide to weasel words

Don't swallow the tripe – a user's guide to weasel words

Lying is dangerous and unnecessary. A new book explains the strategies needed to avoid it. John Rentoul on the art of 'uncommunication'
Daddy, who was Richard Attenborough? Was the beloved thespian the last of the cross-generation stars?

Daddy, who was Richard Attenborough?

The atomisation of culture means that few of those we regard as stars are universally loved any more, says DJ Taylor
She's dark, sarcastic, and bashes life in Nowheresville ... so how did Kacey Musgraves become country music's hottest new star?

Kacey Musgraves: Nashville's hottest new star

The singer has two Grammys for her first album under her belt and her celebrity fans include Willie Nelson, Ryan Adams and Katy Perry
American soldier-poet Brian Turner reveals the enduring turmoil that inspired his memoir

Soldier-poet Brian Turner on his new memoir

James Kidd meets the prize-winning writer, whose new memoir takes him back to the bloody battles he fought in Iraq
Aston Villa vs Hull match preview: Villa were not surprised that Ron Vlaar was a World Cup star

Villa were not surprised that Vlaar was a World Cup star

Andi Weimann reveals just how good his Dutch teammate really is
Bill Granger recipes: Our chef ekes out his holiday in Italy with divine, simple salads

Bill Granger's simple Italian salads

Our chef presents his own version of Italian dishes, taking in the flavours and produce that inspired him while he was in the country
The Last Word: Tumbleweed through deserted stands and suites at Wembley

The Last Word: Tumbleweed through deserted stands and suites at Wembley

If supporters begin to close bank accounts, switch broadband suppliers or shun satellite sales, their voices will be heard. It’s time for revolution