Bridezillas, I now pronounce you the bane of my life

The very worst example of wedding greed comes in the form of the wedding gift list, which is a smart name for begging

Share
Related Topics

A newlywed couple in Canada have slammed one of their guests for giving them a hamper filled with fun treats rather than cash as their wedding gift.

They texted their now former friend to say: “I'm not sure if it's the first wedding you have been to, but for your next wedding... People give envelopes (of cash). I lost out on $200 covering you and your date’s plate... And got fluffy whip and sour patch kids in return. Just a heads up for the future :)” The bride-monster then states: “Weddings are to make money for your future.. Not to pay for peoples meals. You were the talk and laugh of the whole wedding!!!! Worst gift ever story Is being passed along to everyone!!”

Weddings are to make money for your future? The hell they are! I understand the couple in question are originally from Italy and Croatia. Envelopes of money are the custom in a number of countries around the world (isn’t that revolting?) but the same kind of foul, cynical, greedy expectation can be found – if in a more subtle guise – at UK weddings.

The mistake too many brides make is to think that their wedding is a gift to all those invited and therefore they deserve remuneration. Their addled brains think their finely-tuned bonanza of self-indulgence is every bit as meaningful and exciting for her guests as it is for herself. She forgets that most of those attending are only there because it would be rude not to turn up; that if they had the choice they would be in the pub or at home watching TV with a pizza; that the only real draw to the reception is the free food and booze and the chance to see old mates.

Brides must remember that their wedding day is essentially a groundhog day-like repetition of tired clichés, despite their best efforts to make their day unique. The crazy white dress, the giggle when the vicar asks that question (tee hee), the photographs where family and friends are split up in an absurd apartheid where the hated brother is given higher standing than the adored best friend, the yawnful speeches, the dreaded first dance, the cutting of the bloody sponge. None of this…NONE of this…is orchestrated for the benefit of the guests. The whole day, and rightly so perhaps, is designed around the bride and groom…mostly the bride. But the danger comes when the couple forget that fact. If you want a day to revolve around your every whim and caprice then don’t expect me to pay for it.

It begins before the big day has even kicked off. If the stag decides he wants to throw a party in Las Vegas, then everyone is expected to go. And if you can’t afford the £2,000 price tag, he’ll understand of course – in a hurt, freezing cold kind of way. And if they want to get married in Spain, they’ll get bloody married in Spain, and isn’t that great news for you? You get a holiday…which you would never have booked and which you must pay for. Ah, but it’s their wedding day so we must all go along with their maniacal demands on our time and finances.

The very worst example of wedding greed comes in the form of the wedding gift list, which is a smart name for begging. You’re basically no better than a child running around a shop screaming “I want, I want, I want!” If I am coming to your wedding (and it had better be the whole thing; I don’t attend reception-only events, who the hell do you think I am?) then I will buy you an appropriate gift of my choosing. In fact, since it’s probably cost me quite a wodge to get there in the first place and since I’ll have to pay hotel prices for rat pee wine all night, I shall probably get you nothing. My mere attendance is your gift. The smiling mask I wear as you drag your princess costume around the parquet to Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing is also a gift which comes at great personal expense.

I think the Canadian woman who gave her ungrateful friend the hamper spells it out perfectly in her reply to the crazed bride’s text message: “it's obvious you have the etiquette of a twig, I couldn't care less of what you think about the gift you received, "normal" people would welcome anything given, you wanna have a party, you pay for it, DON'T expect me to!”

Exactly. It’s your party and your wedding, not my holiday and not a free shopping trip.

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Ashdown Group: Marketing & Sales Manager

£40000 per annum: Ashdown Group: A reputable organisation within the leisure i...

Tradewind Recruitment: Science Teacher

£90 - £140 per day: Tradewind Recruitment: I am currently working in partnersh...

Recruitment Genius: Doctors - Dubai - High "Tax Free" Earnings

£96000 - £200000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: Looking for a better earning p...

Recruitment Genius: PHP Developer

£32000 - £36000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: A rapidly expanding company in ...

Day In a Page

Read Next
British Prime Minister Tony Blair (L) pictured shaking hands with Libyan leader Colonel Moamer Kadhafi on 25 March 2004.  

There's nothing wrong with Labour’s modernisers except how outdated they look

Mark Steel
 

Any chance the other parties will run their election campaigns without any deceit or nastiness?

Nigel Farage
Isis hostage crisis: The prisoner swap has only one purpose for the militants - recognition its Islamic State exists and that foreign nations acknowledge its power

Isis hostage crisis

The prisoner swap has only one purpose for the militants - recognition its Islamic State exists and that foreign nations acknowledge its power, says Robert Fisk
Missing salvage expert who found $50m of sunken treasure before disappearing, tracked down at last

The runaway buccaneers and the ship full of gold

Salvage expert Tommy Thompson found sunken treasure worth millions. Then he vanished... until now
Homeless Veterans appeal: ‘If you’re hard on the world you are hard on yourself’

Homeless Veterans appeal: ‘If you’re hard on the world you are hard on yourself’

Maverick artist Grayson Perry backs our campaign
Assisted Dying Bill: I want to be able to decide about my own death - I want to have control of my life

Assisted Dying Bill: 'I want control of my life'

This week the Assisted Dying Bill is debated in the Lords. Virginia Ironside, who has already made plans for her own self-deliverance, argues that it's time we allowed people a humane, compassionate death
Move over, kale - cabbage is the new rising star

Cabbage is king again

Sophie Morris banishes thoughts of soggy school dinners and turns over a new leaf
11 best winter skin treats

Give your moisturiser a helping hand: 11 best winter skin treats

Get an extra boost of nourishment from one of these hard-working products
Paul Scholes column: The more Jose Mourinho attempts to influence match officials, the more they are likely to ignore him

Paul Scholes column

The more Jose Mourinho attempts to influence match officials, the more they are likely to ignore him
Frank Warren column: No cigar, but pots of money: here come the Cubans

Frank Warren's Ringside

No cigar, but pots of money: here come the Cubans
Isis hostage crisis: Militant group stands strong as its numerous enemies fail to find a common plan to defeat it

Isis stands strong as its numerous enemies fail to find a common plan to defeat it

The jihadis are being squeezed militarily and economically, but there is no sign of an implosion, says Patrick Cockburn
Virtual reality thrusts viewers into the frontline of global events - and puts film-goers at the heart of the action

Virtual reality: Seeing is believing

Virtual reality thrusts viewers into the frontline of global events - and puts film-goers at the heart of the action
Homeless Veterans appeal: MP says Coalition ‘not doing enough’

Homeless Veterans appeal

MP says Coalition ‘not doing enough’ to help
Larry David, Steve Coogan and other comedians share stories of depression in new documentary

Comedians share stories of depression

The director of the new documentary, Kevin Pollak, tells Jessica Barrett how he got them to talk
Has The Archers lost the plot with it's spicy storylines?

Has The Archers lost the plot?

A growing number of listeners are voicing their discontent over the rural soap's spicy storylines; so loudly that even the BBC's director-general seems worried, says Simon Kelner
English Heritage adds 14 post-war office buildings to its protected lists

14 office buildings added to protected lists

Christopher Beanland explores the underrated appeal of these palaces of pen-pushing
Human skull discovery in Israel proves humans lived side-by-side with Neanderthals

Human skull discovery in Israel proves humans lived side-by-side with Neanderthals

Scientists unearthed the cranial fragments from Manot Cave in West Galilee