Bridezillas, I now pronounce you the bane of my life

The very worst example of wedding greed comes in the form of the wedding gift list, which is a smart name for begging

Share
Related Topics

A newlywed couple in Canada have slammed one of their guests for giving them a hamper filled with fun treats rather than cash as their wedding gift.

They texted their now former friend to say: “I'm not sure if it's the first wedding you have been to, but for your next wedding... People give envelopes (of cash). I lost out on $200 covering you and your date’s plate... And got fluffy whip and sour patch kids in return. Just a heads up for the future :)” The bride-monster then states: “Weddings are to make money for your future.. Not to pay for peoples meals. You were the talk and laugh of the whole wedding!!!! Worst gift ever story Is being passed along to everyone!!”

Weddings are to make money for your future? The hell they are! I understand the couple in question are originally from Italy and Croatia. Envelopes of money are the custom in a number of countries around the world (isn’t that revolting?) but the same kind of foul, cynical, greedy expectation can be found – if in a more subtle guise – at UK weddings.

The mistake too many brides make is to think that their wedding is a gift to all those invited and therefore they deserve remuneration. Their addled brains think their finely-tuned bonanza of self-indulgence is every bit as meaningful and exciting for her guests as it is for herself. She forgets that most of those attending are only there because it would be rude not to turn up; that if they had the choice they would be in the pub or at home watching TV with a pizza; that the only real draw to the reception is the free food and booze and the chance to see old mates.

Brides must remember that their wedding day is essentially a groundhog day-like repetition of tired clichés, despite their best efforts to make their day unique. The crazy white dress, the giggle when the vicar asks that question (tee hee), the photographs where family and friends are split up in an absurd apartheid where the hated brother is given higher standing than the adored best friend, the yawnful speeches, the dreaded first dance, the cutting of the bloody sponge. None of this…NONE of this…is orchestrated for the benefit of the guests. The whole day, and rightly so perhaps, is designed around the bride and groom…mostly the bride. But the danger comes when the couple forget that fact. If you want a day to revolve around your every whim and caprice then don’t expect me to pay for it.

It begins before the big day has even kicked off. If the stag decides he wants to throw a party in Las Vegas, then everyone is expected to go. And if you can’t afford the £2,000 price tag, he’ll understand of course – in a hurt, freezing cold kind of way. And if they want to get married in Spain, they’ll get bloody married in Spain, and isn’t that great news for you? You get a holiday…which you would never have booked and which you must pay for. Ah, but it’s their wedding day so we must all go along with their maniacal demands on our time and finances.

The very worst example of wedding greed comes in the form of the wedding gift list, which is a smart name for begging. You’re basically no better than a child running around a shop screaming “I want, I want, I want!” If I am coming to your wedding (and it had better be the whole thing; I don’t attend reception-only events, who the hell do you think I am?) then I will buy you an appropriate gift of my choosing. In fact, since it’s probably cost me quite a wodge to get there in the first place and since I’ll have to pay hotel prices for rat pee wine all night, I shall probably get you nothing. My mere attendance is your gift. The smiling mask I wear as you drag your princess costume around the parquet to Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing is also a gift which comes at great personal expense.

I think the Canadian woman who gave her ungrateful friend the hamper spells it out perfectly in her reply to the crazed bride’s text message: “it's obvious you have the etiquette of a twig, I couldn't care less of what you think about the gift you received, "normal" people would welcome anything given, you wanna have a party, you pay for it, DON'T expect me to!”

Exactly. It’s your party and your wedding, not my holiday and not a free shopping trip.

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Business Analyst - Surrey - Permanent - Up to £50k DOE

£40000 - £50000 Per Annum Excellent benefits: Clearwater People Solutions Ltd:...

***ASP.NET Developer - Cheshire - £35k - Permanent***

£30000 - £35000 Per Annum Excellent benefits: Clearwater People Solutions Ltd:...

***Solutions Architect*** - Brighton - £40k - Permanent

£35000 - £40000 Per Annum Excellent benefits: Clearwater People Solutions Ltd:...

Senior Research Fellow in Gender, Food and Resilient Communities

£47,334 - £59,058 per annum: Coventry University: The Centre for Agroecology, ...

Day In a Page

Read Next
 

Taking on Ukip requires a delicate balancing act for both main parties

Andrew Grice
Today is a bigger Shabbes than usual in the Jewish world because it has been chosen to launch the Shabbos Project  

Shabbes exerts a pull on all Jews, and today is bigger than ever

Howard Jacobson
Wilko Johnson, now the bad news: musician splits with manager after police investigate assault claims

Wilko Johnson, now the bad news

Former Dr Feelgood splits with manager after police investigate assault claims
Mark Udall: The Democrat Senator with a fight on his hands ahead of the US midterm elections

Mark Udall: The Democrat Senator with a fight on his hands

The Senator for Colorado is for gay rights, for abortion rights – and in the Republicans’ sights as they threaten to take control of the Senate next month
New discoveries show more contact between far-flung prehistoric humans than had been thought

New discoveries show more contact between far-flung prehistoric humans than had been thought

Evidence found of contact between Easter Islanders and South America
Cerys Matthews reveals how her uncle taped 150 interviews for a biography of Dylan Thomas

Cerys Matthews on Dylan Thomas

The singer reveals how her uncle taped 150 interviews for a biography of the famous Welsh poet
DIY is not fun and we've finally realised this as a nation

Homebase closures: 'DIY is not fun'

Homebase has announced the closure of one in four of its stores. Nick Harding, who never did know his awl from his elbow, is glad to see the back of DIY
The Battle of the Five Armies: Air New Zealand releases new Hobbit-inspired in-flight video

Air New Zealand's wizard in-flight video

The airline has released a new Hobbit-inspired clip dubbed "The most epic safety video ever made"
Pumpkin spice is the flavour of the month - but can you stomach the sweetness?

Pumpkin spice is the flavour of the month

The combination of cinnamon, clove, nutmeg (and no actual pumpkin), now flavours everything from lattes to cream cheese in the US
11 best sonic skincare brushes

11 best sonic skincare brushes

Forget the flannel - take skincare to the next level by using your favourite cleanser with a sonic facial brush
Paul Scholes column: I'm not worried about Manchester United's defence - Chelsea test can be the making of Phil Jones and Marcos Rojo

Paul Scholes column

I'm not worried about Manchester United's defence - Chelsea test can be the making of Jones and Rojo
Frank Warren: Boxing has its problems but in all my time I've never seen a crooked fight

Frank Warren: Boxing has its problems but in all my time I've never seen a crooked fight

While other sports are stalked by corruption, we are an easy target for the critics
Jamie Roberts exclusive interview: 'I'm a man of my word – I'll stay in Paris'

Jamie Roberts: 'I'm a man of my word – I'll stay in Paris'

Wales centre says he’s not coming home but is looking to establish himself at Racing Métro
How could three tourists have been battered within an inch of their lives by a burglar in a plush London hotel?

A crime that reveals London's dark heart

How could three tourists have been battered within an inch of their lives by a burglar in a plush London hotel?
Meet 'Porridge' and 'Vampire': Chinese state TV is offering advice for citizens picking a Western moniker

Lost in translation: Western monikers

Chinese state TV is offering advice for citizens picking a Western moniker. Simon Usborne, who met a 'Porridge' and a 'Vampire' while in China, can see the problem
Handy hacks that make life easier: New book reveals how to rid your inbox of spam, protect your passwords and amplify your iPhone

Handy hacks that make life easier

New book reveals how to rid your email inbox of spam, protect your passwords and amplify your iPhone with a loo-roll
KidZania lets children try their hands at being a firefighter, doctor or factory worker for the day

KidZania: It's a small world

The new 'educational entertainment experience' in London's Shepherd's Bush will allow children to try out the jobs that are usually undertaken by adults, including firefighter, doctor or factory worker