Cameron Diaz is wrong about pubic hair. The bush is not back

Let me wax lyrical about permanent pubic hair removal

Share

“DON’T ELECTROCUTE MY CLIT!”, I screamed as I writhed on the table.  I wrenched off my goggles, panting, before the bemused beautician lowered the Intense Pulsed Light laser gun. “Don’t worry, it will be fine”, she said, before duly zapping away at my crotch. It was hot, prickly and weird, but it was nothing like the James Bond scene I’d had in my head, and the first IPL session to permanently remove my pubic hair was over in less than five minutes.

This week pubic hair was back in the public eye, with many columnists cheering Cameron Diaz’s new book and her claims that trying to get rid of one’s pubic hair “is like saying ‘I don’t need my nose’.” As Diaz praised the natural look, and US store American Apparel put pubic hair on mannequins, feminists celebrated that those much-maligned little black hairs were once again being fought for and that 2014 might be the Year of the Bush.

It’s a cruel analogy, but the staunch defence of hairy fannies reminds me of very overweight over-eaters who say they’re “happy as they are”. What I think they mean is that they’re happy to remain overweight because it’s preferable to denying themselves lots of delicious food. But if people could eat whatever they wanted without gaining weight, they’d do so in a heartbeat.

When women say pubic hair should be left untamed, I take this to mean that they’d prefer to not to have the extreme pressure, shame or embarrassment society makes us feel for having it, while simultaneously wanting to avoid the costly and torturous battle of constantly trying to keep it at bay. But what if women could have their metaphorical cake and eat it? What if the hassle of removing body hair was no longer a valid argument in the debate? If you could wave a magic wand and be hair free for life, would you keep your pubes or banish them?

That magic wand is already here, in the form of a deceptively threatening-looking laser gun. Technology and voucher websites mean that for under £120 - the price of five waxes or sixty razors, say - and six sessions of less than five minutes each, you can be hair free permanently.

I can hear the inevitable cries...“Is this what things have come to? Young women are lasering off their body hair?!” Many will see my choice to permanently remove my pubes as a sore loss for feminism and a victory for the patriarchy.  Maybe I’m a product of excessive female-body worship; maybe I’ve been brainwashed into thinking I must be hairless; maybe my generation have watched too much porn, but then again, maybe not. Maybe I go hairless down under because I want to, and not because I’ve been mind-warped into thinking I must.

There's also the misconception that de-fuzzing is all “for the men”, and that our male counterparts' bathroom routine consists of nothing more than a nod and a wink in the mirror before heading out. But the male beauty industry is booming and more and more men are feeling the pressure to have a smooth back, sack, crack and beyond. We’re getting the gender equality we so crave, except it’s in the form of men becoming more insecure, not women less so. This must surely demonstrate that hair removal isn’t a feminist or gender equality issue, but something advertising and the beauty industry makes us feel.

With each decade, and with each generation of feminism, a new part of the body is accepted as having to be smooth. Thirty-something feminist goddess Caitlin Moran states that de-furring all other body parts is “aesthetic”, while the fuzzy triangle is politically charged because it’s sexual, but many twenty-somethings would say that removing one’s pubic hair is just an extension of this aesthetic. In the sixties it was the legs, in the seventies it was the armpits, and now in 2014, this is the last patch of the body hair battle. This is it. This is the Gaza Strip. There’s nothing else left to fight for.

As technology improves and the prices of permanent hair removal decrease, the choice to go bare will be a no-brainer. It’s happening, but it’s only a problem if you make it one. When I found my first grey hair (on my head, I hasten to add) and promptly burst into tears, my sister looked at me blankly and said: “Dye it or get over it”.  I implore fuzz feminists to adopt the same mentality. If you want pubic hair then keep it and revel in it, and if you don’t want pubic hair then rid yourself of it and do the same.

READ MORE: In defence of pubic hair: the mighty bush

The politics of pubic hair: why is a generation choosing to go bare down there?

React Now

  • Get to the point
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Ashdown Group: Marketing Manager (B2B) - Romford - £40,000 + car

£35000 - £40000 per annum + car and benefits: Ashdown Group: Marketing Manager...

Ashdown Group: Helpdesk Analyst - Devon - £20,000

£18000 - £20000 per annum: Ashdown Group: Helpdesk Analyst - Devon - £20,000 ...

Ashdown Group: Data Scientist - London - £50,000 + bonus

£35000 - £50000 per annum + generous bonus: Ashdown Group: Business Analytics ...

Ashdown Group: IT Project Coordinator (Software Development) - Kingston

£45000 - £50000 per annum: Ashdown Group: IT Project Coordinator (Software Dev...

Day In a Page

Read Next
File: David Cameron offers a toast during a State Dinner in his honour March 14, 2012  

Vote Tory and you’re voting for the rich to get richer and the poor to get poorer

Mark Steel
 

If I were Prime Minister: I'd end the war on drugs

Patrick Hennessey
General Election 2015: ‘We will not sit down with Nicola Sturgeon’, says Ed Balls

'We will not sit down with Nicola Sturgeon'

In an exclusive interview, Ed Balls says he won't negotiate his first Budget with SNP MPs - even if Labour need their votes to secure its passage
VE Day 70th anniversary: How ordinary Britons celebrated the end of war in Europe

How ordinary Britons celebrated VE Day

Our perception of VE Day usually involves crowds of giddy Britons casting off the shackles of war with gay abandon. The truth was more nuanced
They came in with William Caxton's printing press, but typefaces still matter in the digital age

Typefaces still matter in the digital age

A new typeface once took years to create, now thousands are available at the click of a drop-down menu. So why do most of us still rely on the old classics, asks Meg Carter?
Discovery of 'missing link' between the two main life-forms on Earth could explain evolution of animals, say scientists

'Missing link' between Earth's two life-forms found

New microbial species tells us something about our dark past, say scientists
The Pan Am Experience is a 'flight' back to the 1970s that never takes off - at least, not literally

Pan Am Experience: A 'flight' back to the 70s

Tim Walker checks in and checks out a four-hour journey with a difference
Humans aren't alone in indulging in politics - it's everywhere in the animal world

Humans aren't alone in indulging in politics

Voting, mutual back-scratching, coups and charismatic leaders - it's everywhere in the animal world
Crisp sales are in decline - but this tasty trivia might tempt back the turncoats

Crisp sales are in decline

As a nation we're filling up on popcorn and pitta chips and forsaking their potato-based predecessors
Ronald McDonald the muse? Why Banksy, Ron English and Keith Coventry are lovin' Maccy D's

Ronald McDonald the muse

A new wave of artists is taking inspiration from the fast food chain
13 best picnic blankets

13 best picnic blankets

Dine al fresco without the grass stains and damp bottoms with something from our pick of picnic rugs
Barcelona 3 Bayern Munich 0 player ratings: Lionel Messi scores twice - but does he score highest in our ratings?

Barcelona vs Bayern Munich player ratings

Lionel Messi scores twice - but does he score highest in our ratings?
Martin Guptill: Explosive New Zealand batsman who sets the range for Kiwis' big guns

Explosive batsman who sets the range for Kiwis' big guns

Martin Guptill has smashed early runs for Derbyshire and tells Richard Edwards to expect more from the 'freakish' Brendon McCullum and his buoyant team during their tour of England
General Election 2015: Ed Miliband's unlikely journey from hapless geek to heart-throb

Miliband's unlikely journey from hapless geek to heart-throb

He was meant to be Labour's biggest handicap - but has become almost an asset
General Election 2015: A guide to the smaller parties, from the the National Health Action Party to the Church of the Militant Elvis Party

On the margins

From Militant Elvis to Women's Equality: a guide to the underdogs standing in the election
Amr Darrag: Ex-Muslim Brotherhood minister in exile still believes Egypt's military regime can be replaced with 'moderate' Islamic rule

'This is the battle of young Egypt for the future of our country'

Ex-Muslim Brotherhood minister Amr Darrag still believes the opposition can rid Egypt of its military regime and replace it with 'moderate' Islamic rule, he tells Robert Fisk
Why patients must rely less on doctors: Improving our own health is the 'blockbuster drug of the century'

Why patients must rely less on doctors

Improving our own health is the 'blockbuster drug of the century'