Grace Dent: Oh no! After Princes Harry and Andrew go, will there be any left to marry?

The better bet was Harry, but bookies believe he might be Cressida's

Share

My search for a prince to marry has suffered serious setbacks over the weekend with engagement rumours surrounding both Prince Harry and Prince Andrew.

Harry – always my safer bet thanks to anecdotal evidence that he’s an easily led-astray drunk – took girlfriend Cressida Bonas to a rugby game this weekend leading bookies to slash odds of a wedding announcement to 8/13. Cressida, who resembles a delicate baby fawnlet who buys its clothes at yacht shows, is perfect Firm fodder. Cressida has a 1960s’ “It” girl mother – Lady Mary-Gaye Georgiana Lorna Curzon, daughter of the sixth Earl Howe – plus a dashing half brother Jacobi Anstruther-Gough-Calthorpe, who is a polo-playing man about town.

Harry’s squeeze is exactly the sort of young lady over whom tea-towel manufacturers get a heart murmur, unlike Prince Andrew’s “friend”, the Croatian swimwear model Monika Jakisic, who is 20 years younger than Andrew and has a portfolio full of “arty” snaps of herself clad in knickers totally unsuited to the Balmoral chill.

Andrew has strenuously denied the engagement rumours, which began after Monika uploaded a snap of a diamond ring and a posh dinner receipt on Instagram.

Given that I’m eternally fascinated eternally by what on earth Prince Andrew gets up to all day – in the absence of an actual role – any explanation of what  he’s not getting up to is pretty compelling, too.

What an impressive election victory, Mr Kim

Congratulations Kim Jong-un for his incredible success in North Korea’s “Supreme People’s Assembly” election. 

The Kim-ster was elected to the highest legislative body without a single dissenting vote, according to state media. And on a 100 per cent turn-out, too. Gosh, it’s been quite the month for this plucky, rockabilly quiffed attack dog-loving despot.

Super-Kim has recently returned home from his jaunt to Sochi 2014, where – according to his Information Service – the “glorious and exalted” leader took a gold medal in Ski Jumping, “flying higher and farther than scientists had previously believed humanly possible”. And now this: a resounding win in his electoral region of Mount Paekdu.

“This is an expression of all the service personnel and people’s absolute support and profound trust,” the state-run Korean Central News Agency said. There was no one else on the ballot.

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

(Senior) IT Support Engineer - 1st-3rd Line Support

£40000 per annum: Ashdown Group: A successful IT service provider that has bee...

Wind Farm Civil Design Engineer

£55000 - £65000 Per Annum: The Green Recruitment Company: The Green Recruitmen...

Principal Marine Mechanical Engineer

£60000 - £70000 Per Annum: The Green Recruitment Company: The Green Recruitmen...

Principle Geotechnical Engineer

£55000 - £65000 Per Annum: The Green Recruitment Company: The Green Recruitmen...

Day In a Page

Read Next
A Russian hunter at the Medved bear-hunting lodge in Siberia  

Save the Tiger: Meet the hunters tasked with protecting Russia's rare Amur tiger

Oliver Poole
Save the Tiger: Meet the hunters tasked with protecting Russia's rare Amur tiger

Hunters protect Russia's rare Amur tiger

In an unusual move, wildlife charities have enlisted those who kill animals to help save them. Oliver Poole travels to Siberia to investigate
Transfers: How has your club fared in summer sales?

How has your club fared in summer sales?

Who have bagged the bargain buys and who have landed the giant turkeys
Warwick Davis: The British actor on Ricky Gervais, how the Harry Potter set became his office, and why he'd like to play a spy

'I'm a realist; I know how hard this business is'

Warwick Davis on Ricky Gervais, Harry Potter and his perfect role
The best swim shorts for men: Bag yourself the perfect pair and make a splash this summer

The best swim shorts for men

Bag yourself the perfect pair and make a splash this summer
Has Ukip’s Glastonbury branch really been possessed by the devil?

Has Ukip’s Glastonbury branch really been possessed by the devil?

Meet the couple blamed for bringing Lucifer into local politics
Dress the Gaza situation up all you like, but the truth hurts

Robert Fisk on Gaza conflict

Dress the situation up all you like, but the truth hurts
Save the tiger: Tiger, tiger burning less brightly as numbers plummet

Tiger, tiger burning less brightly

When William Blake wrote his famous poem there were probably more than 100,000 tigers in the wild. These days they probably number around 3,200
5 News's Andy Bell retraces his grandfather's steps on the First World War battlefields

In grandfather's footsteps

5 News's political editor Andy Bell only knows his grandfather from the compelling diary he kept during WWI. But when he returned to the killing fields where Edwin Vaughan suffered so much, his ancestor came to life
Lifestyle guru Martha Stewart reveals she has flying robot ... to take photos of her farm

Martha Stewart has flying robot

The lifestyle guru used the drone to get a bird's eye view her 153-acre farm in Bedford, New York
Former Labour minister Meg Hillier has demanded 'pootling lanes' for women cyclists

Do women cyclists need 'pootling lanes'?

Simon Usborne (who's more of a hurtler) explains why winning the space race is key to happy riding
A tale of two presidents: George W Bush downs his paintbrush to pen father’s life story

A tale of two presidents

George W Bush downs his paintbrush to pen father’s life story
Restaurateur Mitch Tonks has given the Great Western Pullman dining car a makeover

The dining car makes a comeback

Restaurateur Mitch Tonks has given the Great Western Pullman dining car a makeover
Gallery rage: How are institutions tackling the discomfort of overcrowding this summer?

Gallery rage

How are institutions tackling the discomfort of overcrowding this summer?
Louis van Gaal has £500,000 video surveillance system installed to monitor Manchester United players

Eye on the prize

Louis van Gaal has £500,000 video surveillance system installed to monitor Manchester United players
Women's rugby: Tamara Taylor adds fuel to the ire in quest to land World Cup

Women's rugby

Tamara Taylor adds fuel to the ire in quest to land World Cup