Grace Dent: Oh no! After Princes Harry and Andrew go, will there be any left to marry?

The better bet was Harry, but bookies believe he might be Cressida's

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The Independent Online

My search for a prince to marry has suffered serious setbacks over the weekend with engagement rumours surrounding both Prince Harry and Prince Andrew.

Harry – always my safer bet thanks to anecdotal evidence that he’s an easily led-astray drunk – took girlfriend Cressida Bonas to a rugby game this weekend leading bookies to slash odds of a wedding announcement to 8/13. Cressida, who resembles a delicate baby fawnlet who buys its clothes at yacht shows, is perfect Firm fodder. Cressida has a 1960s’ “It” girl mother – Lady Mary-Gaye Georgiana Lorna Curzon, daughter of the sixth Earl Howe – plus a dashing half brother Jacobi Anstruther-Gough-Calthorpe, who is a polo-playing man about town.

Harry’s squeeze is exactly the sort of young lady over whom tea-towel manufacturers get a heart murmur, unlike Prince Andrew’s “friend”, the Croatian swimwear model Monika Jakisic, who is 20 years younger than Andrew and has a portfolio full of “arty” snaps of herself clad in knickers totally unsuited to the Balmoral chill.

Andrew has strenuously denied the engagement rumours, which began after Monika uploaded a snap of a diamond ring and a posh dinner receipt on Instagram.

Given that I’m eternally fascinated eternally by what on earth Prince Andrew gets up to all day – in the absence of an actual role – any explanation of what  he’s not getting up to is pretty compelling, too.

What an impressive election victory, Mr Kim

Congratulations Kim Jong-un for his incredible success in North Korea’s “Supreme People’s Assembly” election. 

The Kim-ster was elected to the highest legislative body without a single dissenting vote, according to state media. And on a 100 per cent turn-out, too. Gosh, it’s been quite the month for this plucky, rockabilly quiffed attack dog-loving despot.

Super-Kim has recently returned home from his jaunt to Sochi 2014, where – according to his Information Service – the “glorious and exalted” leader took a gold medal in Ski Jumping, “flying higher and farther than scientists had previously believed humanly possible”. And now this: a resounding win in his electoral region of Mount Paekdu.

“This is an expression of all the service personnel and people’s absolute support and profound trust,” the state-run Korean Central News Agency said. There was no one else on the ballot.